In the development of a person's soul, there are certain requirements of honesty and vulnerability that need to be addressed if they want to create a sense of wholeness and integrity. Without this work, we are left to drift about with half intentions guiding us, pulling us this way and that. That is when or how we can be most destructive to others. If our mouths speak half-truths and our minds are not really on board with what we are saying, then we can lie against our own ideals to have integrity and to live among others in truth and honesty.
The problem comes when what we wish to be true and hope to do are at odds with what we truly do—reality. We might say that we would like to feed the poor, help the destitute, and yet when opportunities arise to do so, we decline because we are tired or for some other reason, we are all hypocritical I think.
In love, we might admire someone and wish to be with them. We might think of ourselves as trying not to hurt our lover by hiding our true intentions, by projecting an air of falseness about where the relationship stands. Saying something on the one hand and doing something else on the other is worse than false, more harmful, more faithless than honesty about what you really want and need.
I don't place blame on others or myself because I too have lived and projected a false self out of preservation of what I thought was good when I knew I would lose that when reality was revealed. I write these things out of a deep desire to heal my own soul, to be more transparent in my relationships with myself and with the world. This on a Christmas Evening, where the day has been spent well. My only disappointments have been in not being able to focus on getting my loved ones as many thoughtful gifts as I would have liked to get them. Also, remembering that this night, one year ago, I wrote a poem of joy, celebrating someone who had brought light into my life. That moment is past, but the spirit of discovery, the pursuit of happiness and wholeness still lives on.
