Live life well...

Are you ready? Do you have the courage enough to do it? Here is the secret that those who strive to free themselves from the fetters that hold them can only know. Henry David Thoreau discovered it amist the shores of Walden Pond, the great pioneers knew it when they set out and lived their beliefs. I know how it feels...

Can you do it? Can you risk a bit of scorn? Can you change the bad habits that you know are holding you down?

Feel...sit on the mountain, on the fresh spring earth and breath deeply. Feel the sun on your shoulders, the wind in your hair. Smell the spring, the musty earth beneath you, the new grasses springing at your feet. Clover, wild pine, lilacs and daffodils scent the air, can you appreciate it?

Taste the vibrancy of real food, sprouted grains, sprouted seeds, enzyme rich whole foods. Take a bite of a sprouted organic corn tortilla, there is no chemical fat in it manufactured by fried oils. This corn has not been altered by some idiot in a lab who thinks that adding the gene cells of jellyfish is a good idea.

Your body recognizes this as real food, the vibarancy starts in your body the minute you eat it. Imagine food that calms and energizes you, that enlivens every cell in your body when you eat of it.

That is real food, not some package that sits on the shelf. Some may say, why bother? This food is so convinent sitting in a box. I say, bah!! What a waste of time that dead food!! Do I want my energy to be zapped? Do I want to be a shell, sitting pathetically while my life passes by?

NEVER!! If it's in a box, I will eat very little of it or none at all. Only food that will fill my life up with life will pass my lips. What about sugary candy? Don't make me laugh, that is almost worse than a boxed dinner. Temporarily it is good, the taste. Then your heart speeds up, your head imperceptibly starts to ache, your breathing imperceptibly becomes more labored, your liver pumps out bile to attack, your body produces more insulin, you gain weight and you don't know why. Ha!! Would I want that?

Imagine living a life where your body is strong and sound, where you can work hard and it feels good. Where you can laugh with joy because you feel alive and happy.

Do I ever want to be dead to life, would I let liquor pass my lips? No, NO!! I cannot understand it, to drink something or take something that makes me an idiot and leaves me with a headache. That kills my body one way or another, leaving me with stupid acts and a stupid head.

I want to live, let any sadness come, it makes the joy's even more full. Let life slip me what it may, because I know the truth, I know that it is better to live your life than to live in a shell. The joy's come again, the winter will end, and I want to be a part of all of it.

I fight off the temptation to watch bad movies or TV, or to read bad books. WHY? Because real relationships are better! How stupid to alienate yourself from the world, to hold off on loving or being loved.

How selfishness leads to your downfall. LOVE, love people, don't let the fear of rejection or whatever it may be leave you sitting alone. Don't use people, what a waste of time, you cannot really get the real thing from "using" someone. With your enlivened spirit, with your will to live, with the one that you love, who loves you back. All that you are, all that you do together will bring you satisfaction. How lucky you are if they know the truth about living life well and are on the same journey as you, how great can be your joy, how good you can be together!! How difficult if they are trapped by fetters that you venemently scorn. Live life anyway, try as hard as you can! The rewards are great, the drawbacks are few.

Believe!! Believe that if you live well, life will bring you a fullness of joy. Don't envy what others have. Enjoy good food, and exercise because eventually it will feel good. Appreciate what you have, I have the mountains around me, and a trail to walk on by the river. I have a family and friends. I have so much!! Face life, face the calamities as challenges, the trials can lift you up if you have the right attitude. May be Job in the bible knew this, that all can be taken away and you can still believe that God lives because you remember that he has given the world so much good. Take advantage of the goodness of life, live life well...

~Strawberry Girl

As a side note, I think I will take a computer sabatical only minimally checking e-mail. I need to detox my mind from the darn computer. ;p

Heartache for a friend...

I saw someone that I once knew in the store yesterday, I haven't talked to him for a long time. I was suprised to see the differences in him. I was happy to see him, he was more subdued. We talked a little bit. He told me he is a bad guy, this stated as a fact. If he chooses to be so, how can I argue with it. Once upon a time though, when I knew him before, he could have had so much more than what he is making of life, it breaks my heart to see it. What is ironic is that I admired him, I changed a lot of things in my life for the better because I admired him, I wish he knew that.

This is a song we sang at girls camp.

Friends

Time keeps passing by forever.
Moments for us all forever.

What a friend we have in time
Gives us children, makes us wise
Tells us what to take or leave behind.

And the gifts of growing old
Are the stories to be told
Of the feelings more precious than gold.

Friend(s) I will remember you
Think of you, and i'll pray for you.
And when another day is through
I'll still be friends with you. . .

(There's more but that's what is going through my head...)

Naivete...

When I was growing up, I didn't know it but I was terribly Naieve. I loved everyone, I wanted the best for others, I liked people, I liked to do good things. Then I ran into kids in elementary school who were cynical, who had "grown up" too fast. Some one had struck the innocence out of them and they became antagonists at school. Still I was Naieve, I thought that people should be good and do good things. The kids at school didn't like me all that much, that's just the way it was, so they were confusing to me. I remember one "friend," I know she was hurt somehow, I wanted to help her feel better. She wasn't mean to me, but when I went to her house I found that they didn't do things the way my family did and I felt uncomfortable there. I think her mom was a drunk and her dad had left. I didn't know what to think, and I didn't say anything about her family life, but my friend didn't talk to me much after that visit.

Part of my naievete was inexperience with life, part was not fully being aware of what was going on around me (because of the brain fog from gluten).

Being Naieve got me into a lot of trouble, but now that I am older and hopefully wiser a lot of the Naievette has left me. I am not cynical, and I know that people change course in their lives a lot of times, but I am not hopelessly optimistic either (anymore).

I know people, who could change, who are nice people, but they are not really good people. They don't really do good things, pleading, arguing, heartbreak cannot change this. So the only thing you can do is live your life, figure out who you are and live. One day, they may change, but it's not up to you if they don't. Of course, if you love them it's hard, but that's how things are...

I think that it is good to be a bit optimistic about life, but it is also good to see the reality of life as well. . . I am glad I am where I am at, I know who I am, and I am more able to see who other people are. It's a good thing,

~Strawberry Girl

Change

I like this article...

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/look-at-the-character-strengths-youre-cultivating.html

because it is a reminder that all we go through can build character, if we let it.

~Strawberry Girl

Chocolate

I am definantly a chocolate fan, but it alway's wasn't so. I hated it when I was little, especially chocolate cake (YUCK). Right now, I have discovered Dagoba brand chocolate. I love their dark chocolate especially since I don't have to buy it by the case (Like Xocai, my once favorite brand). I also love that they make it in a gluten free facility so I don't have to worry about that, and they don't fill it up with junk (like some chocolate candy).


This reminds me of the movie Chocolate (say Cho co late with a french accent)... This girl moves into a small french town and starts to make chocolates to support herself (and I think her daughter, it's been a while). She is an alluring person, and the women of the town become jealous of her. The men... Well they act like men. Ahh to be feminine, some people don't appreciate it. Some people appreciate it too much. I like to strike a balance, I could flaunt my femininity, but I don't. I like to be feminine with beautiful gloves, and beautiful handkerchiefs (poking out of my pocket). I don't like to be feminine with my beautiful body poking out, there are definantly better way's of being beautiful.


I stole this picture from another blog site (down to earth, http://down---to---earth.blogspot.com/), cutie, cute, cute. Maybe I will copy it someday. :0)

Why do we have a conscience?

Can you imagine the battles that rage in my head about what I say to people? I will bet they are going on in your mind as well. It is easy for animals, cats meow, growl and give each other looks. Dogs, yip, yap, bark, growl and find their place in the pecking order. There is definantly an order and their body language tells you where you are at, if your smart enough to figure it out.

Humans, well we have to be careful what we say, if not our conscience comes out to nag at us. It makes the world a better place I guess, after all do you really want to hear every word that goes through peoples minds? I am sure people don't want to hear every thought running around in my head.

I have imaginary conversations, am I nuts? Not really, everybody has them. The terrible thing about a conscience though is when you feel stupid for doing something or saying something, especially if you are over sensitive. Humiliation can keep you up at night, I should know. Your mind reviews everything you said in painstaking detail and your face burns. Can you get away from it? Sometimes. But sometimes you can make it worse. Like trying to apologize for something thoughtless you said. You can either look like an idiot by sticking your foot in your mouth again, or you can look like an idiot because they didn't really notice your stupidity in the first place and you shouldn't have brought it up again.

Your conscience burning, it is not a fun thing.

So therefore it is up to us to hold these imaginary conversations to avoid humiliation. I am really good at this, I can rage and argue and rant at people all that I want, in my head. I avoid a lot of conflict this way, and life runs more smoothly. The only thing bad about it is when people don't "get" how retarded they are acting and you don't really feel like enlightening them. I am patient with the little people you know (that sounds so lame).

Well i've gotta get some sleep, now that I have written some nosense about my "conscience." I wont tell you the stupid thing I did to bring it on, but you all know how I feel (I think), and if I can't tell the world about my stupidity, at least I can tell you that I am sorry for being stupid sometimes.

~Strawberry Girl

Country Girl? or Not?

I am still deciding, I grew up listening to Johnny Cash, Crosby Steels and Nash, and old timey music like The Sons of The Pioneers "Cool Clear Water." My Grandma was a fan of Dolly Parton, and Reba. My dad is also an oldies fan so I would hear songs from The Beatles, Paul Simmon, and John Denver. My mom got me listening to Buddy Holly, Karen Carpenter and Garth Brooks. We would also go up to the annual reunion in the mountains, gather around the campfire where my dad would strum his guitar and his uncle played the banjo. So I guess a lot of my background is country. My Uncle is a definant cowboy, he had a heart attack in November, and all he wanted to watch on TV was the Rodeo. He owns a bar (family shame), but I love him anyway. I respond to a lot of country music, but some of it irritates me.

Then there is Jazz, I love Jazz. My dad bought me a tape of The Manhatten Transfer one cold rainy night and I never got over it. I used to sing "oo wa, oo wa, cool, cool kitty..." at the top of my lungs in front of an imaginary audience when I was a kid.

I like some classical music, it helps me to think, but I don't want to bore a general audience by putting it on my player. I tried to learn Cannon in D when I was younger, but gave up on piano when other stressors got to me. Now I want to pick it up again, someday soon I hope. My Grandmother was trying to learn the piano a few years before she died, I hope I learn before then.

I like some kinds of country, like gingham and patches on an apron. But I hate decorations that are overly country like cow's, roosters and pigs. I guess I am a little bit country and a little bit... of something else.

:0)

Can it still hurt?

It's been over 3 years now since you died. At first I just ached and I cried, it felt good to cry, like a release. I couldn't believe it, that I would never see you again. I tried everything to forget, to feel better. I cooked and cleaned, I took long walks, and I cried. There has been a distance between me and everyone around me because they didn't grieve as I did. I thought that life was wrong, and I tried to imagine it was different, but it is not. Things are the way that they are, I cannot change them. For the past couple of weeks I thought that I was better, I have imagined that you are where you are supposed to be and that things are they way they are meant to be. But today, I woke up and you are still gone, I feel right now the ache. I want to cry but chide myself for being rediculous. My friend, I don't know if you will ever leave my heart. I guess that's the way things have to be, how can I forget you anyway? You were a part of me, my friend, and I will never forget.

~Strawberry Girl

The Well Trained Mind

I am crying happy tears, I have found a book that will fill in the gaps of my own education and allow me to help my children as well. "The Well Trained Mind, A Guide to Classical Eduaction at Home" is just what I have been looking for. I think I will devote the next few day's to reading it and get to work!! All of my life I have struggled with the eclectic and choppy nature of the public schooling that I recieved, now I can do something about it. I am worried though about my little boy's reaction, he is already bored with what were doing, I hope this will help. I guess I need to create a better pattern to our day's, it has been hard for me to do because I am interested in so much but don't know where to start. So I usually flitter around all day not getting much done, this has got to stop!! I am working really hard at getting to bed on time, it is hard for me. My two year old has never had much discipline applied in this area so she keeps me up until one in the morning sometimes or wakes up at four and say's "Wanna Play!" Part of the problem is that I keep getting interrupted in my habits by my husband. I want to do things a certain way and I will start doing things like I want to, then he will leave for a meeting, or will come home late for dinner, he will turn on the TV (I want it off all the time) and watch it to fall asleep. It drives me crazy, but I have to find a way to solve this problem!! Well I guess I will get to work reading my book. :0)

Mists

Surrounded by mist, the air is thick with the smell of water. The vapor is all around this foreign place, where only ghosts inhabit now. A top the mountain, a precipice only reached by a breathtaking ride up on a tram.

I experienced it only once, up Bridal Veil Falls, what a gloriously romantic name for a place. I suppose we were in a cloud, I was disillusioned when told that it was a cloud. I thought clouds should be soft and fluffy, not wet. We didn't get to eat in the restaurant, my dad could scarcely afford the fare to bring us up in the first place, let alone the cost of the pricey meals that they served.

I remember the descent, like a long slow elevator, down drop down, and at last we reached the bottom where we shakily stepped out. A force of nature, a massive mud slide, took out the tram and the structure that used to sit besides Bridal Veil, it broke my heart to hear of it.

It created an achy feeling in me to see it, the mud changed the falls and filled up the little lake below it as well. Now it is different, more like a large indentation, like a river. The falls are not as majestic as they used to be either, maybe the water will cut them out again, with time.

Other mists, the thick stench of chlorine at the gym, the smell of sweat, the smell of the tea tree oil that they used to scent their locker room and dry sauna. I used to try and "sweat out" all my toxins, so I would go to sit in their dry cedar sauna. It was indeed dry, the heat licking away the moisture of the wood, the floor, my skin.

It smelled odd, the remnant of the pleasant scent of cedar now only faintly smelled. The wood felt scratchy and uncomfortable as I sat, dressed as it were for swimming. My hair felt damp close to my head, but also dry and stringy as the heat dried it. The smell the chlorine, was detectable from the pool outside the door.

I decided to try and relieve some of the dryness in the sauna by squeezing the moisture from my hair onto the stones in their heating element. Ahh, there is steam but only temporarily. So I left that uncomfortable place and immediately I felt the moisture return to me in the outside air, only the slight chill was uncomfortable so...

I decided to try a different sauna and entered one filled with steam, warm steam, hot steam, steam also scented with tea tree oil, it is overpowering. There people sat in the dark recesses, sitting with their eye's closed, seeming to meditate and "take it all in." I couldn't stand this for long either, the steam burned my face and lungs. So I left, thinking I had failed somehow my mission to detoxify.

On another night, I stand out in the cold. I am waiting, thinking and waiting. The mist is thick, the fog surrounds everything, swirling in the orange light cast from the street lamp. I close my eyes and focus, the mist feels right, like my mood. Brrr. will my dad never come to pick me up? I feel like I am the only one left in the world, I lean against a sign in the parking lot because I am tiered of standing.

The silence is so profound, every sound is muffled by the mist. When my dad comes, the tires of his car crunch, a foreign sound on such a quiet night. I open the door and the light from the overhead lamp in the car seems too harsh and alien in this world. Finally relief from the cold, I warm my fingers by rubbing them and holding them near the vents at the front.

Mists in my bathroom, clinging to me, familiar and thick. I will never get my hair dry if it doesn’t go away, so I open the window a crack and open the door. Then I regret the loss of warmth as the goose bumps jump out on my arms. I wrap the towel tighter and rush to dress. Then as I dry my hair, subtle amounts of steam rise away from the heat. My hair is so thick I have to pull it out with the brush and dry it near the roots. Even when I think it is dry it often feels damp near my scalp. I avoid the mists now or else my hair will curl again.

(My mind on gluten) Mists in my mind, dulling, grasping away my concentration. I furrow my brow and think very hard at the task before me. Sorting out taxes, cleaning my desk, it feels better when it is done.

Clean and clean, to make the confusion go away, to drive out what I don't want to think about. Working to exhaustion, until the wee hours of the morning. Finally I can sleep, finally I have done enough, though I can think of more to do.

I lay down in my bed though my mind still races, now thinking of everything that I have suppressed. I can't sleep, I make some hot cocoa and press the warm mug against my forehead, easing the tension. Finally, the effects of the warmth and the cocoa and slowing down allow me to sleep. But my rest is not deep enough and I am tired the next day.

Mists in the little forest behind my house. I walk out slowly smelling the fresh morning, the dew hangs near the ground like a shroud. The spring grasses are glad of it and perk up somehow. The dew is thick on the grass and I wish to taste it, but it is elusive and I only catch one drop on my tongue. The sun warms the air, brighter and brighter. The dew lifts as a brides veil, up off the grass, the mists leave.

The mist is outside right now, I can smell the familiar scent of rain and now it is raining. The night is cold, I wonder if it will snow...

The Future...

Well, I have felt really good lately. I always do when I get things more organized and things slow down a little bit. I have cleared out my room quite a bit, got it set up for possible sewing projects in the future, and I also set it up so that I can teach and learn better. Now that I have come to grips with things in the past and also current happenings I can take them on and deal with them. Uncertainty has alway's been my worst enemy. I guess that I have been chanelling the general mood of the US as well, we were in a turmoil last year trying to figure out who should be president, and now the mood is that of resolution and reorganization. As for the new president, I am glad that there is a new president. There is going to be change and I appreciate the way he seems to be careful and thoughtful (rather than rash like Bush seemed to be). I am also glad to have this turning point in American history where we have freely elected a Black man to the presidency, though I don't put too much importance on that since politics to me is more important. I want to get an idea about who this man is and what to expect from him, I am sure many Americans are experiencing the same sensation. It feels good to have a focus and to have things to think about. :0)

What the last two years have done for me...

The idea I had of myself before now was so chaotic. I usually did things that I liked, but felt like I had to do other things because I didn't feel adequate in what I was doing. First I had to figure out how to be healthy, then I had to get rid of everything in my life that was a burden to me (books that deep down I knew I would never read, clothes that I knew I would never wear, things that I really didn't need etc.). Like Simba from the Lion King, I didn't even know who I was. Now I know, but I feel a bit like a baby because I have been stumbling around so much that it is now my challenge to develop, finally, who I am.

I looked through some drawings and paintings that I did in high school, it used to be that I didn't want to do art because my cousins "did" art and I didn't want to appear to be copying them. Now I can see that I really did enjoy art, and I think when I have a moment I will pull out my half used art pads and start drawing again.

This also happened with writing, a little bit with sewing and definantly with home decorating (though I still can't justify spending too much money on it).

I have written of course my New Years Resolutions but I want to list some character resolutions that I want to develop this year.

I want to be more:

Honest, frugal, dependable, on time to meetings, consistent, thoughtful, helpful and caring

I want to learn more about:

Politics, history, economics, *teaching and entertaining children*, art, sewing, excersize and to a lesser degree than last year health and cooking. I also need to study the gospel more.

I want to take my interests, study companies to work for, talk to people and find somewhere where I will enjoy working. Unfortunantly it doesn't look like I will get to stay home with my kids, but I am going to fugure out how to be there for them and get what I need to get done as well. My mom has worked most of the years that I was growing up, so she wasn't home when we got there, she wasn't there emotionally either. She has always been depressed, she would make a box dinner and then go to her room to lay down and read. Our home was always messy and chaotic. She spent Saturday's cleaning, but never got things under control, she still hasn't. That's why I shouted hallelujah when I found out that gluten was making me depressed and cut that big fat sucker out of my life. Even further proof for me is I just recently stopped eating the millet that I had foreign grains in it and my mind has become even clearer. I think that the bag of millet I bought is contaminated by wheat so I have to hold off on eating it until I can buy the certified gluten free millet that I found online. It's $100 for a 50 lbs. bag though so it's gonna be a while before I can buy it.

Well enough for now.

~Strawberry Girl

Poor, poor me. Boo hoo :0)

Well, I guess your wondering about the title. It goes like this, we are really poor right now, but ya know what? We still have too much stuff!! It is times like these that make me so grateful to be living in the USA. Hopefully, cross my fingers, I can get a job and get back to paying our bills. But as for now, I am just grateful for what I have. I am actually going to purge again tomorrow and get rid of stuff cluttering up my world and maybe I will get some inspiration on a quilt that I want to make. I have all the fabric, but with Christmas and all of the stress of last year I just didn't get around to it. Plus I want to do something besides squares!! I have a quilt on my bed that I want to copy, I think I will ask around to all those people who have been telling me they know how to quilt and get there help. It will be a fun adventure!!

`:0)

(Please oh please let me get a job at Good Earth. I am kicking myself because I almost asked them when I was in there on Saturday!!)

Applying for a job!!

Oh, oh, oh I am so excited. I saw a job listed at my favorite store Good Earth in Orem!! It's the perfect job for me, wish me luck!!

Grandmothers House

I stumbled upon this when I was going through my computer, looking for a file.

Memories of Grandmothers house...

The taste of strawberry shortcake, rootbeer floats, picnic lunches and the goodness of my Grandmother. I awaken to the spring at Grandmothers house, I had slept there the night before. I smell the fresh cut grass and go outside to seek the wonders that await me there. As the sun seeps into my body I feel such renewed strength and energy, that I wan to run into the house and share my enthusiasm with my Grandma. She is waiting for me there with a small box of raisins, which she gives me to take upon my adventures throughout the wide outdoors. She also has an empty butter tub to give me to capture grasshoppers in. Back outside I go, determined to tame those wild beasties, namely the grasshoppers. I snake around in the grass, and to my delight there is a cheeky fellow sitting upon a large blade of grass. A nervous excitement flows throughout my body. I determine that to catch the beastie I must quickly pounce before he gets away. To my dismay he leaps out of reach. Then carefully I stalk him, I can sense his awareness of me. Slowly I walk towards him, “blast it,” he jumped again. Maybe he saw my shadow, this time I walk around the other way, he is jumping but I think I have thrown him off to my intentions. Finally either the grasshopper has tiered out, or just plain good luck I catch him in my tub and close the lid. With a sense of wonder and horror, I feel him hopping around in there. I simply must run into the house to show Grandmother. Oh she doesn’t want me to open it, what if he escapes. Somehow I am both fascinated and horrified by the jumping grasshopper and I place the tub in the shade outside where the moss grows along the house. This will be a fine home for him I think. Back out to explore, the cement on the patio the surface of which is coming off, it's not good for Grandma and Grandpa but it is good for me. I like to pick off the peeling cement and wonder at the broom smoothed side and the rough bumpy other side. The different colored flecks of rock, some shiny some dull. I imagine to myself that this is a wish rock and the bigger the piece the better so I pick at the cement all the more. I hear Grandpa calling he has set up a tee pee, what fun!! I scramble inside and breath in the scent of canvas cloth and wonder at the sensation of the cool prickly grass. I try to lay down, but find it uncomfortable so I scramble out again to go explore the lilac bushes that grow against the fence. I crouch bellow them and pretend to be a cat, then Grandpa finds me to go with him next door. We go back, back, farther and farther into the seemingly wild orchard of Grandpa's neighbor, the tree's are all a blossom and petals fall like snow. Grandpa's neighbor is a forthright guy and greets me with a smile, I am shy and look for a tree to hide behind. He is coaxing me now, come see the bee's, I think of stings and buzzing and don't want to come. Grandpa holds my hand and walks me to a certain spot where he makes me stand. I look on in fascination as they smoke the bee's and bring out the combs, then I see one too many bee's and run off. Back through the tree's, back, back, until I reach Grandma's house again. Oooo it's the orange beastie cat, Morris. He doesn't like me, he doesn't like anyone. I am sun sick so I head indoors to the cool room off the kitchen, there I lay down on the couch and rest until Grandmother brings me a tuna sandwich and potato chips. She tries to get me to put my potato chips on my sandwich because she always likes it that way, I protest and she lets me do as I like. Finally mom comes and gets me, Grandma's house was fun.

~Strawberry Girl

Here I am

My friend Sunny invited me to come and run in the morning with her and two other girls. It's what I have wanted to do for years, finally a chance to do things right. It is early, I have to wake up at 5:40 to go, and I was a bear on wednesday after doing it, I will get used to it though. I think that if I get to bed early and train wisely, so that I don't kill myself, then I will be able to do it. I have sore muscles, but a happy heart.

Even though things are crazy for me right now, and I am in a situation that I don't want to be in. I feel better about where things are, mostly because I am being more proactive. Life has just happend to me in the past, either I didn't know what I wanted, or I was unable to do what I wanted because of other peoples decisions. Right now, other peoples decisions have affected me and continue to do so. But I have done something about it, to limit the control that I am giving to someone that has lied to me, hurt me, disregarded me and ruined my trust. There are some people that you have to give a lot of chances to, because they are your family, but there are limits. I am at my limit with someone in my life. I wont say who, but they are on a short leash. It will affect me greatly if I follow through with cutting them off, (because I love them) but it is less cowardly then allowing the same pattern to happen continually. I know, I am being cryptic. But hey, this is the web and all.

I think these blogs are good and bad. This blog has been good for me because I have had to decide what I like and think about who I am in order to create it. But it has been bad to spend so much time on it when I should be doing other things. It has been good to have a place to write my random romantic ramblings about the world and bad that the nature of this blog is anomynous so that I obsess a bit about who has read my ramblings and what they think about it all. It's good that I can see what other people are doing, bad (but also good) that I feel like I am not doing enough of the things I care about. Like reading, homeschooling (though I am getting better at this and more used to doing it), CLEANING, keeping my baby out of my makeup (who say's I have to throw out all of the old stuff, I say keep it around to entertain my two year old, RIGHT?). I also wonder if it looks selfish to have my own little blog all about my thoughts etc... when others are all about there families. I guess it's alright, I like to vent without it messing up my little family blog. I do have a family blog, the link is right under my profile. I'm gonna post more on it soon, really!! :0) Four kids is a lot harder to blog about then 1 or 2, but others do it right?

Anyway, enough of my ramblings.

~Strawberry Girl

Maybe someday I will explain again why I love strawberries so much, you might think I am a little silly though.

Winter River Walks

Brrr. you may say? Not I, I just gave it a try today and I am glad that I did. I feel like trying to write a word picture, let me see if I can.

With a bit of trepidation I step out into the cool morning air and into the clear winter day. It is a bit cold right here since my house shadows the sun. A little nip of air touches the tips of my ears warning me that it might be cold, regardless I feel desparate for some exercise so I wrap my scarf a little higher and go on. When I reach the sidewalk the warming sun reaches my face and I feel the warmth through my coat. I step a bit timidly on the icy sidewalk and pick up my pace by heading to the road. I muse upon the piles of dirty snow cast upon the sides of the street by snow plows. The dirtyness is evidence of the underlying earth beneath the ice, it bears little resemblance to the lacy, pure white snow that fell not so long ago. I smell the clear scent of dark earth, clear sky and running river. The path to the river has been packed down by many footsteps and is just about as hard as cement. It crunches a bit, like gravel beneath my feet. I pick up my pace again upon the asphault path and feel glad to be out again. The trees are bare, revealing the intricate design of their branches, beautiful. Some of the bushes have cheery clumps of brown seeds, similar in shape and size as the lilacs that will apear in early spring. This reminds me of their scent, intoxicating, powerful. My muscles feel so good, warming up to the steady pace that I keep on the trail. The river sounds different in the winter, somehow it speaks of the mountains and the ice that it has come from, more solumn and quiet. In the spring it has more of an urgent sound, rushing, rushing to the lake. I feel a great awe, looking up to the mountains. Awe that they once stood as the banks to an ancient sea, Lake Boneville. I contemplate the fish and the seaweed that would have swam above my head had I been walking on the bottom of the lake. What would they have looked like? The mountains without the lake show signs of the receeding water, etched forever in stone are the ridges carved out by the waters of the lake. Now the mountains stand clear cut, beautiful against the sky, covered in a shroud of snow. I pass by an ancient tree, in the uppermost branches sit several crows. "Caw, caw, this is my home, this is my home, stay away, stay away." Crows are asture, self satisfied creatures, glad to keep away from the stupid creatures walking down below. Suddenly someone calls out "Good Morning!" across the river. It is a drifter, his camp strewed about him, I call back, "Good Morning!" and he tells me to have a good day. This calls to mind the troubles of the homeless, their reasons, their plight and I wonder and shiver a little to think of that life. I feel a deep sense of gratitude, for the trail, for the sun, for my opportunities. Then I feel I must turn around, for it has been a while since I have walked and I didn't eat very much before I left, my head hurts a bit, the sun blinds my eyes as it is reflected off the glassy snow. I smell again the freshness, I feel the warmth on my face and I am glad that I came. Vowing to come again, I walk back to my home to drink the calming Roobios tea I prepared before I left. It feels good to be alive.

~Strawberry Girl

Spring

There is something wonderful about the fresh dews of spring. Most of the snow has melted away and you can smell the fresh earth.

I walk out to my own little bit of isolated wildness in the back, find a dry stump to sit upon and discover the hidden nooks and crannies in between the fallen branches of the woods. There sheltered from the sun is the reminant of snow which previously blanketed the ground and from which life lay dorment. If you look close enough you may find the beginnings of new life, the stirring of life is magical. Almost I can imagine the fairies in their protected hallow, stretcing forth their limbs and yawning, flittering their wings. Suddenly I see an exploratory ant, he pokes around examining the goods as he walks through the forest fair. The wind lifts my hair and teases it, it is a sweet breeze I can smell the freshness of the morning. My soul rejoices and I wish to find a spot in the sweet grass to lie down and feel the sun radiating into my soul. I see a likely spot but upon sitting I find the earth wet and stubborn I sit for a while trying to feel comfortable. Finally I conceed the condition of the ground and make my way to the back yard to find a swing. Swaying back and forth I relax into a sweet blissful lull and feel the sun on my golden head. The breeze still holds the bite of winter, so I sigh and make my way back into my home.

Wishes and Memories

(This was when I was about 10 years old, I wrote this down on a piece of paper, and although I have shared this before I thought I would write this version down anyway).

I awaken and stretch, my rest has been comfortable. I had placed a pea under my mattress hoping to find that I would wake up and be a princess., but no matter I still felt royal. I had hung beautiful lacy table cloths from my canopy bed to make curtains. Gracefully I lift my legs over the edge of the bed and stretch. My aunt told me to be sure to stretch in the morning to help my limbs grow. Outside large lacy snow flakes are falling, I feel like a queen in her upper tower. Whose servants are showering white rose petals upon. Carefully I dress imagining that I have allowed the servants the day off to attend to their needs. I put my hair up in a high pony tail and make my way to the kitchen to eat some Frosted Flakes. My brother comes upstairs with dad's old ski's and quickly I run up to my room to put on my winter clothes. I pull on my mom's gloves and put on my puffy coat, then I head down stairs where I find a jungle. Dad's fishing gear, a pesticide sprayer, assorted tools and spare parts. Blankets, clothing, old coats, and Halloween costumes. Shelves up to the ceiling, holding pots and pans, vases and I know a secret about the box on the top. There is a wedding topper from my own parents cake and stuff from her wedding day. There is also a box which holds numerous old records, The Beatles, The Monkeys, Gordon Lightfoot. Plus an interesting Syrofoam container which holds various curiosities such as beads, fishing wire, animal hides, plenty of fodder for the imagination. This is the box not to touch upon pain of death. After climbing through the piles of stuff, I located my mothers old ski's and incumbered by the weight of the ski's I make my way back out of the basement and up the stairs. There my brother is waiting impatiently for me, so we open the back door and put on the large boots on the back step. We fasten the straps, ouch that buckle pinched, and click our boots into place. Shuffling along we head toward the hill in the place which we had dubbed the Snake Pit, out of our wild imaginations. At the hole in the wooden slatted fence we carefully climb, first one ski and then another. We are invincible, we can accomplish anything. Treking through the woods we are careful to avoid fallen logs, and a large pile of broken cement. Finally we have made it to the hill where we climb up like our dad showed us, by mounting the hill side ways. First my brother and then I swish down the hill, over and over. We feel the rush of crisp air on your faces, our noses turn red and the fresh crisp air fills our lungs. A steaming cup of hot cocoa starts to sound appealing or if it could be arrainged some hot wasil. Mother had made us some a few days ago when we had gone out caroling, and I could still remember the refreshing taste of the spiced citrus. After trecking up the hill became exhausting we slowly made our way back home where I put a pot on the stove to boil for our cocoa. Unfortunatnly my brother had ate all of the marshmallows out of the jar, so I glarred at him and looked in the cupboard for some mini marshmallows to replace them. This is a hit and miss operation. Sighing I spoon heaps of cocoa mix into my mug and then fill it with the steaming water. I stir it vigourously and some sloshes out over the top and onto the table. I hop up and grab some paper towels to clean up the mess, then upon sitting down I notcie my brothers own spilt cocoa and clean that up too. We talk animatedly about our adventure and how to improve in our skiing techinique.

Did I Sign Up for this?

In the LDS religion we talk of a pre-mortal existence, that we lived with our Heavenly Parents before we came down to this earth. I wholeheartedly accept this, it is a truth that I feel, not something that I have seen.

We often talk about how each of us have different talents and abilities and that our personalities have been the same since before we were born. Thus a loving Heavenly father talked with us about what our lives would be like down on earth.

Some of us had certain talents and abilities that fitted them to be leaders, like the great men on the earth George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Leonardo Da Vinci and many others. They were put into positions were they would be able to do certain things that needed to be done on the earth. Most of their lives were not necessarily easy though.

Abraham Lincoln suffered with depression and hardships, he came from humble circumstances and taught himself how to read, became a lawyer and later a politician and then the President. George Washington also suffered many trials in his life, and what impresses me the most about him is that he stood firm and did his duty even though he would have preferred to be a private person he served his country.

So did God leave out the rest of us? Or have we become so mired in our own troubles that we cannot see the great possibilities that our own lives hold. Is there really any point in sitting around asking, "why me?" or feeling the inevitable inadequacy that I have felt before thinking that if I have been sent here to do some kind of work then can I possibly do it? and what the heck is it anyway? All I know is that we can only go forward by trying to do the right thing and then living our lives with positive intentions.

It's interesting, I read an article just yesterday about intentions. It asks us to think about what we "Intend" to do with our lives. About not living your life half asleep, but thinking about what your life should be.

So my question is "Did I sign up for this?" Did I know that I would have depression for most of my life? Be dizzy all of the time and not able to think clearly? Did I know that I would become a young mother and wife? Did I know I would struggle so much because of it?When I go through things in my head, my whole life, I can see I have been fighting.

Fighting off the depression, fighting off the fatigue, fighting and asking questions about what I needed to do. When I found out about the Gluten intolerance I fought to figure out what to eat, how to cook again, even what food I should store.

I fought off my family's ignorance and even hatred (felt like it anyway) that I had decided to stop eating stuff with gluten in it. They really thought I was nuts, my mom really resented me because I kept bringing different food to eat for Sunday dinner. I still can't get any of them to get tested for it because they are scared about what it means for them. It is frustrating because they all show signs that a gluten free diet would help them, especially my brothers. My older brother has Autism, my younger two have ADD, both disorders are helped from a gluten free diet.

I have also been fighting to "Feel" normal. I knew that other people had something that I didn't. What they had was a clear head (unless they to had problems with gluten and many people do). When people stand, you can tell if they feel good, if they have confidence. When you talk with people you can tell if they are quick witted or if they are fuzzy headed. Now that the gluten is gone, I can stand and speak confidently. I can look people in the eye and follow what they are saying, where before I would have to concentrate really hard. I am confident with store clerks, people in government, basically anyone.

The difference is really, really clear to me because of the experience that I had of eating so much wheat/gluten at one time. When I ate so much of it, that I became really weak (I wrote about this before) I remember going to the store to return something. I could hardly look anyone in the eye, I was acting like I was guilty or something. Even the guy helping me with my return, I actually felt inferior, as crazy as that sounds. I will go off another time on how food chemically effects your body (I have run the spectrum and it's weird, believe me).

So even though I probably knew what my life would hold I came down to the earth anyway. I fought and lived. I had four kids, 11 miscarriages, finished high school, got an associate’s degree in behavioral science (again to figure out what was wrong with me) then a BS in Accounting.

Now I find myself here, facing the future where I don't know how we are going to live because the only thing that my husband can do is run heavy machinery and do concrete work. I plan to fight!! To Work!! I am going to teach my kids and garden. Plant fruit trees and grapevines, work if I have to. Can food, sew quilts, use handkerchiefs instead of Kleenexes, etc.

I can do it, I am a fighter.

I am grateful for my life! I would not be who I am without going through what I have. I wouldn't see things the way that I do, I wouldn't have the children that I have and if I have to I will even protect them from their Dad. He's had a hard life, I know, but there are limits and there are things that a good man should do. He knows what they are, but since he has not had the model growing up, he has to figure out how to stop wallowing and get up and fight for the good things in life, and also stop the bad behaviors, he's trying. I am a compassionate person but I do have my limits, this year had better be different.

Did I sign up for this? YES!! I will not drop the ball and run. I will do it because that is who I am.

You can do, what you need to do as well. Think about it, and keep trying.

~Strawberry Girl

Lovely Sentiment

"I am always hopeful that the pendulum will swing back and that women will see again not only the necessity of a mother's being at home, but also the infinite and rich choice in that occupation for women of all ages. Some will complain of monotony, but how few going out to a paid job have the opportunity to make their own schedules, to choose the routine of their week's labor, to follow up creative interests that women have within the home. Our ever-present disciplines, the pattern of creaturely necessities- cooking, laundry, decently clean houses- are a blessing. Beyond the physical care of the family, for better or worse we are shaping souls and characters. Women learn slowly the magnitude of their influence. Perhaps we would be more contented if we could realize that one of the few remaining free professions is that of a housewife. If a woman resents being just a housewife, let her be called an artist..."~Josephine Moffett Benton, in The Pace of a Hen

Good Riddance to 2008!!

Well I just want to say once and for all good riddance to 2008!! Why? Well it's a long story, but before I tell it I had better knock on wood that 2009 is not even worse. Plus I also have to qualify my statements in that there were good things about 2008 for me as well.

In 2008, well beginning with 2007, my husband got laid off. So we had a little bit of savings and we used that for Christmas last year and the savings lasted for a while bolstered by our tax refund and the "stimulus check" we received (grrr. stupid stimulus packages). So to get to work my husband decided to do a big job for the government. I had set our company up to be small so doing this was a stretch. All year I have been stressed out because of this job, and the non-control I have had over it. I have a Bachelors degree in Accounting so I kind of know what I am doing, but I didn't have any control over things so I felt frustrated. In April I had a really terrible experience, I ended up limping outside on Easter morning from it, but I am not going to say what happened. After that I spent my time cooking, experimenting, eating healthy and exercising and of course blogging. Then if you can believe it we had bed bugs infest all of our beds, starting with my oldest sons top bunk and I have had a nightmarish time trying to get rid of the old beds and finding new ones. We did have a really great Family Reunion in June and I had a chance to go to a family reunion in Wyoming with my mom, sister and my girls. My baby and I were sick for most of the time but I found out how great whole foods were because I ate from grocery stores along the way instead of fast food and cleaned out on the last day with cilantro and felt better by the time I got home. My sis and mom caught the bug and were sick for the next two weeks (poor girls). Of course there is also the stress from the economy, losing all of our savings and 401 (k) money. The Presidential election was a wiz bang stress festival as well. The year ended with something happening the night of my baby daughters second birthday, I heard about it the next day. This event brought fun disscusions with the state and government into my life along with court dates and trials. I found out I was pregnant then I lost the baby at 8 weeks. I then caught strep throat in time for Christmas and since I didn't have very much money all year I hadn't bought a single present for my kids until I ran into our Bishop in Wal-Mart and broke down to his wife about what had happened to the fun government job that has been stressing me out all year and has left the company bankrupt and us broke. They gave me some gift cards for Christmas and I had Christmas eve to buy everything and wrap it before Christmas. Thus ended 2008 and good riddance to it.

But what was good....?

I learned how to cook gluten free really well
I started a garden in the back yard and a compost pile. I also learned a lot about gardening.
I eliminated a lot of (almost all of) our use of plastic shopping bags
I learned how wonderful people are (My friends brought me flowers and a really nice gift when I had my M/C)
I found really great bunk beds for my son's and daughters rooms and they even got desks and I got a really beautiful bookshelf. (All found really cheaply at yard sales and on Craigslist)
I got to see my relatives in Wyoming a lot of them for the first time.
I have grown stronger
I feel more courage
I know I can live without most things and be happy
My mind has become very clear from getting rid of the gluten
I CAN RUN!!!

There really have been a lot of good things to learn from it all. Some of it is that there is a limit to what I am going to put up with and I know what it is. So here is to 2009, may I learn as much as I did last year, but hopefully it won't have to be so hard.

Grrr... Golly, Gee

My two year old really has hit some kind of naughty bug. Today she has torn out everything that she possible could, including the rubber cement glue. She poured it on the floor, she got it on her belly, she poured it on both of our kitties... Does anyone know how to get rubber cement out of fur?

Anyway, on another note. I was thinking last month that maybe it would be alright if I went over to Weight Watchers to check out what there new program was like. My mom is an avowed member, and I did WW before (I lost the weight but didn't feel healthy) so I thought that if I stuck to the healthy foods I like now then maybe the program would be useful for getting rid of a couple of the extra pounds that were hanging around after my miscarriage in Dec. I have been holding off however and just sticking to unrefined unprocessed foods like usual and yesterday I pulled on my size 4 jeans again. So I guess that's just proof that it's not food, but the chemicals and preservitives that they add to food that creates excess weight in your body. I don't really have terrible "fat" spots but I do need to get out and excersize because my body is not as toned as it could be. With all of the snow outside just begging to be shoveled I will be able to get plenty of excersize "Right?"

I was also thinking about snow blowers, sometimes I think that it would be nice to have one, but I think of all the gas and emmissions those suckers pour out and I am glad I don't have one. Plus the opportunity to exersize would be gone, so HA evil snowblower gas guzzlers I don't need you!!

Well i've gotta go see what my two year old has created lately, I will write sometime later.

~Strawberry Girl

Word Painting

Alright I am in the mood to write another word painting. I am just not sure yet what it should be about, hmmm. . .

The world is covered in powder, so thick like the soft goose down of a pillow. Piled high on the fences, the cars, even the snowmen outside have high snowy hats. One step into the powder and you deceptively feel like you are stepping into a bunch of bubbles, but try to pull your foot out again and you will find that you are trapped in the thick powdery, crunchy snow. All is covered, did the grass ever grow? Did people ever walk freely, even run on the slippery white sidewalks? Did children ever run through the sprinklers to cool down? Unimaginable. Those mountains off in the distance look even more forboding and clear cut in the winter sky. Did you ever think that the sky could be so red, that the glow of the streetlights could be so milky with snowflakes? Imagine those snowflakes, could it really be true that no two are the same? There are piles and piles of snowflakes each losing it's individuality as it melts together into the wind swept valley. Could you look into the snow clinging to the branches of the evergreen pine and see the crystal world of the snow fairies? What are they like? Are they imperious and snoby, loath to have you invade their world. Or are they welcoming and playful? Happy to give you a snowflake masterpiece to bring home with you. Could you draw so well, be so creative to never repeat what you had drawn before, what you had created? How wonderful that God can create so much individuality. Are you happy? Feel like a kid again, go out into the world leaping with joy over your bounty. Relish the chance to create, to fall backwards into the snow and feel the give of the snow and the unbalanced suprise of doing something that you don't normally do. Bundle up warm or feel the bite of your cold skin, your nose, your toes, your fingers and cheeks. All will be numb and red, don't warm them up too fast or you will feel the needles of pain from your haste. Work hard, shovel the snow, don't bemoan the lack of warmth in the air. Warmth to run, to wander down the trail and hear the river trickle down on it's way. Those times will come again, be happy for your surroundings, mountainous piles of snow. :0)

~Strawberry Girl

The Well Trained Mind

As some of you may know I have decided to try homeschooling my kids. My youngest son 6 almost 7 is homeschooled, the other 2 will be homeschooled as much as possible since they still want to go to school, and my baby is along for the ride.

So I still have some education to accomplish, of myself. How to homeschool, what to teach them etc. I read a suggestion to read "The Well Trained Mind." I think I will get it tomorrow and see how it goes.

~Strawberry Girl

The Library at Academy Square

There was this building, beautiful architecture, centrally located, and mysterious. It had a broken down temporary fence around it. The windows showed the charred remenants of a fire from who know's when. Tumbleweeds seemed to roll through the grounds. The grounds also held ghostly twigs of trees and bushes and a forlorn looking statue of the dignitary of the academy. When I used to walk past it I would shudder from fright because of the ghostlyness of it. My aunt held the belief that people broke in there to worship the devil. It was a terrific old, ghostly eye sore and we all loved it because of the history that it held. Then about 10 years ago the Mayor decided to fix it up and turn it into a library. The costs were debated, the efficacy of the project reviewed and then they started to work on it. I remember seeing a scale model of it in our old library, (which has since been turned into a center for the arts). I was excited that they were fixing up the old academy building. My aunt forswore ever setting foot in it because of the devil worshipers, but I didn't swear off of it. It is beautifully appointed with interesting sculptures and functional design. They hold fun events there and there are lots of resources for teaching your kids. There is a ballroom (oh to be a princess and go to the ball...), there is also an art gallery. Right now the art gallery has an exhibition of Mexican art and artists. My favorite painting is of a couple in the middle of a dance. The ladies red dress is fanned out in breathtaking viberancy, it makes me wish to be able to paint thus. Anyhow, I was thinking about the library because of my quest to become more learned.

I will write again later...

What will I be when I grow up?

Alright it is a new year and I now have a new lease on life. As painful as it was, I have said goodbye to 2008 (note the sarcasm because 2008 was a real nail bitter for me).

I am feeling more like myself than I have for a while. This is partially due to the fact that I am not panicking anymore because I threw out almost everything in my cupboards and didn't know what to eat. It is also because I have decided to allow myself to be imperfect and be happy in the creating of life.

SO what do I want to be when I grow up? First of all, the biggest goal that I have is to be a lady like my Grandmother was. She dressed so simply but she alway's seemed to be elegant and beautiful. Maybe it was her beautifully coifed hair and always done makeup and beautiful manicured nails. I refuse though to coif my hair, I cannot stand manicured nails, but I think I can deal with makeup (a bit). As you all know if you have read my blog, I am somwhat of a gypsy and my apperance matches that most of the time.

Part of being a lady though is being lady like. That involves more than a straight back and a groomed appearance. To me being a lady involves being tactful in your speech to others and being mindful of what you say about others.

So along with being a lady, I would also like to be a writer. I don't know if I could be disciplined enough to sit down and write a whole book, but I do like to write, especially passionate short bursts of thought.

I also want to make a better habit of reading good books, including the standard works, because I hate to be bored with my own thoughts. I have been feeling too much of that lately (darn 2008). But no more!! Now all I need is a good mind expanding book to read and think about.

It would be great if I didn't have to work but if I do end up having to work I pray that it is with a good company and that I can still continue to teach my kids. I really have to figure out my Resume though because right now it really sucks.

I had a good day with my little son today BTW. We did his reading, writing and arithmetic. Then I started reading to him from Charlottes Web and we studied rain/snow, prisms and snowflakes. It was great!!

Anyway, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but at least I know I don't want to be old. I know the years will come, but I don't want my outlook on life to become stale, grumpy and old. So here is to 2009, may I grow younger as I get older.

~Strawberry Girl

The Joy of Cooking Well

So, as you all may know, I am a foodie. IE someone who enjoy's cooking and eating good food. What was interesting and unique for me about the past year was reducing the amount of ingredients that I allowed myself to be able to use which forced me into trying new and creative ways of combining different foods. What's great is that it becomes easier to know which ingredients to throw together the more experience that you have. I love to learn different styles of cooking, it would be even better if I had someone there who loved to cook as well, but I get by on my own most of the time. I was so sad when my foodie friend Tanya moved away. She and I had really similar backgrounds and had the same types of interests. We would get together and experiment and although not all of the things we cooked turned out well, every time we got together we had fun and so did our kids. She taught me the basics of making a good spaghetti sauce, including lots of veggies. We figured out the basics of Swedish Meatballs together (It took a while to get this one), we even planned on making Tamales together. She moved away before we could get to the Tamales but I figured it out on my own. As I posted before on the subject a poor unsuspecting mexican friend of my son's tasted the result of using olive oil for the masa dough, blech. But I did figure it out and now the tamales taste great whenever I decide to make them. It would be fun to figure out some vegetarian versions though I have a couple of recipe's that I want to try but I haven't gotten to them yet. I will probably use a blander type of fat for the masa, like palm vegetable shortening when I do these. If you are wondering why I am posting this so early in the morning (if you notice anyway), it is because for the past two nights my daughter has been getting to bed on time. So for the past two morning she has been rewarding me by getting up at 4 a.m. She has been off schedule because of the holiday's and it has been driving me crazy. Now I have to suffer!! Well I am going to try to get her to give me a break and go back to sleep, cross your fingers for me.

~Strawberry Girl

The Cycle of Too Much

Do you have too much on more than one occasion I feel like I have too much. Too many books, too many clothes, too much food even (because sometimes I don't plan very well).

I don't like having too much, it bothers me because it makes it hard to appreciate what you have and it makes it difficult to make decisions.

What do I mean? Well take the situation some ladies have when they have too many purses or shoes. They don't want to give them up because this or that purse or pair of shoes should go with this or that outfit. So you see some shoes you want or like and forgeting that you have just about the same pair of shoes at home you buy the shoes, wasting money on a pair of shoes you didn't really need (or a purse). Where is the sense of that?

So when I get in the postion of having too many clothes or what not, I purge and get rid of the excess.

What about too much food? Sometimes, because I love to cook, I buy produce for something I want to cook. Then being frugal I get home and notice that the leftovers for yesterday are enough for dinner today and should really be eatten now. Then my appetite changes and I no longer want what I intended to cook, so I have ingredients for a dinner that will never come to pass. A lot of times I go with my creativity and mix things up and use what I have, but sometimes I throw out food that should have been ate. Then there is the case of having too many desserts, you snack on dessert or whatever all day then you wont be hungry for dinner.

If you have too much food, it's more likely you will have too much weight to go with it.

I always think about things as, "Do I have enough?" If I have clothes, food and a roof over my head I am happy. Think of the endless amount of learning that is wasted because of all of the unread books on your shelf. Think of all the wasted money from food you cannot eat. What about the fully finished house that you had to have, the high end car, can you take it with you?

I am a minimalist, or I try to be. What do you minamally need? Do you really have a right to endlessly consume? Really?

Well think about this...

For the past, however long, builders have been building houses. Not starter houses, but fully finished (may be poor quality, but finished) houses. No starter houses? Why? Because the profit margin on a starter house is too low for them (or I should say was). So they glutted the market with houses. People playing along, not content to build there life up from where they are, decide they need the fully furnished (bought on credit) 7 bedroom house because others are doing it and they should be able to have a new house, of course they feel they deserve it. Plus as I said all the furniture, the best car, the newest fashions, the best toy's for their kids, the best vacations. Consume, consume (it's good for the economy anyway right?). So what do we end up with, a glut of houses, people losing their homes, all of their furniture . . . basically their freedom. Did it only affect them? Not at all!! The spending of money that everyone didn't have artificially increased the amount of all goods on the market. Increased the cost of living, doing business and the toll on the planet. So if you wanted to be the responsible one saving your money to put a down payment on a house, forget it. If you want a house you have to do like everyone else because $40,000 down or so is extremely hard to do. People borrowed all right!! From everyone else not only today but from everyone in the future. How fair is that?

Think about the garbage dumps full of 1 time use or limited use trash. What would happen if the garbage trucks didn't pick up the trash for 1 week, or 1 month or a year. How would you deal with your garbage then?

So my philosophy, is the environmentalist philosophy, Reduce, Reuse and Recycle. It is not only the way to save the planet, but it is also the way to save your money and your freedom.

My list for sustainability this year:

1. Buy handkerchiefs instead of Kleenexes.
2. Buy reusable bags, even produce and bulk bags.
3. Find a way to avoid plastic baggies and plastic garbage liners.
4. Find a way to make a better garden.
5. Plan foodstorage and how to use it (by not aimlessly buying stuff to store).
6. Reduce the amount of makeup, shampoos cosmetics that I need and use. (Don't buy something unless it is really all the way gone. Buy in bulk my soaps and shampoos. Buying only high quality organic makups because they have generally been better anyway. Etc...)
7. Use what I have, and find out what I have before I buy more.
8. Be glad that I live in America simply for the fact that I have a chance to make a difference.

~Strawberry Girl

Great Blogsites

I found some great blog sites about sustainability. Here's the links...

http://www.towards-sustainability.com/2008/03/homemade-sandwich-wrap.html

http://simple-green-frugal-co-op.blogspot.com/

I Love the Vegan Lunchbox. Here's the link...

http://veganlunchbox.blogspot.com/

Happy New Year!!

Hi everyone!! I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!!

I think this year I will continue trying to be healthy through diet and exercise, but I will focus more on being a good person, rather than on what I look like. I do want to be able to run though.

I want to spend more time doing physical things like working outside and spending time with my kids, rather than spending time on the computer.

I want to read more, I have kind of gotten into a roadblock with reading since my two year old keeps climbing up in my lap and hitting the book that I am reading. So I will try to do it, but I wont blame myself if I can't do it.

I want to eliminate as much as possible my use of plastic (like baggies and packaging) and/or disposable items (like pads and diapers).

Well, I guess I am off to do more physical stuff now. Happy New Year!!!

~Strawberry Girl