Heartbroken and Happy

I'm heartbroken and happy at the same time. On the one hand I've given up the condo we've all grown to love and on the other I've got some new adventures awaiting at the new home I bought. How is it that we become so affectionate towards a place, a little irrational. How is it on the one hand I can be so glad of the new home I bought and yet think of certain things that it lacks. Comparing it with other bigger and better places. Perhaps I should have just stayed where I'm at, we love this little condo. But I would never have fully felt free to roam around the grounds, to sit on my back porch, and always I've hated the background noise of cars zooming past. So off to a new home, I'm carrying forward with my broken heart, heeding the call of the home I've wanted for my family all of my life.

SG

Quick Thoughts

Sometimes I feel separate from myself, or so wrapped up in my problems that it feels like someone else is pulling the strings. I see other women and admire their aplomb they seem more real to me, more self assured than I am.

I am buying a house. But that means giving up my reasonably priced condo for something more expensive and it makes me feel nervous.

Sometimes it makes it hard to sleep. I worry that I am getting myself into something I won't be able to handle. It's a nerve wracking choice in the middle of a nerve wracking time, such an expensive choice.

Then I realized that this feeling is familiar to me. That I've leaned into the fear before and conquered it. I have had regrets but I'm learning to let them go. I am that strong, self assured woman that I wanted to be all those years ago.

I don't always get what I want. I haven't been promoted in my current role and that has been extremely difficult to live with. But I feel like I am becoming better at managing myself in the role I'm in. That will eventually bring me success.

I read an article about how Gen X adults were lied to. That we were told we could be anything and do anything we wanted. They made that seem easy. It's not.

There is only so much time and opportunity. Becoming an adult means being able to accept the limitations of life as well as being able to grab opportunities as they come accepting that sometimes things won't work out but hoping they will.