Silence, my silence is an echo of the past. I've had a hard time vocalizing, so much is taken out of context when people don't know how to listen. Speaking cannot guarantee that you will be heard, there's such danger in speaking sometimes.
I am neither naive or deluded, I am not a victim always, I am an intelligent woman trying to get the best from the situations that life is presenting me.
It would be nice to live my life simply being me. It would be nice to share my thoughts, be outspoken, and not worry so much that people are going to be offended because what I say is coming from my heart. I want to bring happiness to others, I want to help others to shed the pain that they have built up in order for them to be happy again. I want to heal.
I've been thinking about myself in the context of a job. I can see things that are wrong and fix them, I can contribute comments about how things should be run. I tend to do too much though, take on too much responsibility, I kill myself from trying and then end up appearing in a bad light. How ironic is that? If only I could make a determination, I have X amount of responsibility, I will only do X amount of work and then past that it is up to other people to take up the slack.
I'm afraid of overextending myself and/or under-extending myself. I error on the side of overextending myself and don't know how to stop it.
So much of our misery is brought upon ourselves.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Re-Framing
I have had a good life, and have found ways to enjoy each stage. Even through times of grief.
As a little girl I remember the feel of climbing out of the crib, the feel of the carpet on my feet and the chill of the cold kitchen floor. I loved to climb, I loved my parents and exploring the basement, though I was a little frightened of it. I knew my grandmother was down there, it was always so interesting. When we moved away and Aunt Eva and her family moved to the house I loved the basement still. The messiness of it was freeing, we could do whatever we wanted, made up our own tales of what different things were, in fact hoping from one thing to another was like hoping on logs in a great river. We often imagined that we were princesses, my cousins and I, and I remember our club house under the stairs. Of course I wanted my own club house at my place and made one up there as well. I remember one fun club house we had in the shell of a camp trailer, the unfortunate thing was that little Lisa got her finger cut off in the window when it fell upon it... :( poor thing. We played the most outrageous games, Uncle Arley brought home a bicycle gunny one time, I don't know, what do you call those little wheeled conveyances that people pull like taxis through the streets of China and in poorer rural areas? Well this one was hooked up to a bike and we loved to pull each other around in it!
That's all I wrote... (reviewed 8/20/2018)
SG
As a little girl I remember the feel of climbing out of the crib, the feel of the carpet on my feet and the chill of the cold kitchen floor. I loved to climb, I loved my parents and exploring the basement, though I was a little frightened of it. I knew my grandmother was down there, it was always so interesting. When we moved away and Aunt Eva and her family moved to the house I loved the basement still. The messiness of it was freeing, we could do whatever we wanted, made up our own tales of what different things were, in fact hoping from one thing to another was like hoping on logs in a great river. We often imagined that we were princesses, my cousins and I, and I remember our club house under the stairs. Of course I wanted my own club house at my place and made one up there as well. I remember one fun club house we had in the shell of a camp trailer, the unfortunate thing was that little Lisa got her finger cut off in the window when it fell upon it... :( poor thing. We played the most outrageous games, Uncle Arley brought home a bicycle gunny one time, I don't know, what do you call those little wheeled conveyances that people pull like taxis through the streets of China and in poorer rural areas? Well this one was hooked up to a bike and we loved to pull each other around in it!
That's all I wrote... (reviewed 8/20/2018)
SG
Friday, April 22, 2011
My Job Skills Need Improving
So I've been in a reflective mood lately, thus I thought I would write... ;)
I'm in this situation where I have certain skills (theoretically) in accounting, but am being pulled in many different directions by my interests, well actually only a few main interests. I say that my skills in accounting are theoretical, because although I got good grades at school, I haven't used the main theories that I learned about accounting on an ongoing basis so I don't want to jump into an accounting job where they would want me to rely on those skills right away.
I've got a couple of different resources to help me more fully develop my skills, such as a generous scholarship to do MS Office certification from "Turning Point" up at UVU, and a resource to training videos on many subjects like communication, business writing, negotiation essentials, basic presentation skills, managerial skills, and accounting courses to review and I'm very grateful to have these resources but the fact is that it is going to take some time to get through all of these training cells and I need money.
So I also have the opportunity to do the "Work Success" program through the state, which is a resume writing, interviewing, job search program that will be very good at getting me into a job...
But I feel like I would like to have completed all of these training programs before moving on to a job, because I want to be better prepared... I actually did have access to some of these tools before the last job that I had and I kept wishing that I had gone through the training videos before the job, I really needed those skills.
But then again I wish that I didn't have to be a fully trained employee before joining a company, what happened to some of the on the job training that used to be available to new hires?
Then I am being pulled into the direction of my interests. Don't get me wrong, I'm a competent number cruncher, (though I do find that I need more practice to see trends that are wrong and to know what to look for to find missing data), I can however pull numbers together, see the big picture for a companies processes and create methods for completing those processes. All good skills... but not necessarily what I want to be doing with my life.
I have interests in a couple of different main areas, writing, nutrition and health. I've looked at different options for all of these, yet I can't figure out a good path to go down.
I've registered for a couple of classes at UVU, to do the prerequisites for a Masters Program at Utah State. We will see what happens.
SG
I'm in this situation where I have certain skills (theoretically) in accounting, but am being pulled in many different directions by my interests, well actually only a few main interests. I say that my skills in accounting are theoretical, because although I got good grades at school, I haven't used the main theories that I learned about accounting on an ongoing basis so I don't want to jump into an accounting job where they would want me to rely on those skills right away.
I've got a couple of different resources to help me more fully develop my skills, such as a generous scholarship to do MS Office certification from "Turning Point" up at UVU, and a resource to training videos on many subjects like communication, business writing, negotiation essentials, basic presentation skills, managerial skills, and accounting courses to review and I'm very grateful to have these resources but the fact is that it is going to take some time to get through all of these training cells and I need money.
So I also have the opportunity to do the "Work Success" program through the state, which is a resume writing, interviewing, job search program that will be very good at getting me into a job...
But I feel like I would like to have completed all of these training programs before moving on to a job, because I want to be better prepared... I actually did have access to some of these tools before the last job that I had and I kept wishing that I had gone through the training videos before the job, I really needed those skills.
But then again I wish that I didn't have to be a fully trained employee before joining a company, what happened to some of the on the job training that used to be available to new hires?
Then I am being pulled into the direction of my interests. Don't get me wrong, I'm a competent number cruncher, (though I do find that I need more practice to see trends that are wrong and to know what to look for to find missing data), I can however pull numbers together, see the big picture for a companies processes and create methods for completing those processes. All good skills... but not necessarily what I want to be doing with my life.
I have interests in a couple of different main areas, writing, nutrition and health. I've looked at different options for all of these, yet I can't figure out a good path to go down.
I've registered for a couple of classes at UVU, to do the prerequisites for a Masters Program at Utah State. We will see what happens.
SG
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
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