Ice Breakers Speech for Toastmasters

Yesterday I gave a speech for Toastmasters called "The Icebreaker" project. Toastmasters is an organization that is set up expressly for the purpose of developing speaking and leadership skills. Years ago I joined a different Toastmasters chapter and went with my friends to several of the meetings. I got up a few times to do "Table Topics" which is giving an impromptu speech and that just killed my desire to get up and speak because my mind would blank, my throat would tighten up, I would nearly pass out and basically I would mutter a few things and sit down. That was the wrong approach, I was not confident or organized enough to be a part of Toastmasters back then... but I think I am ready now.

I talked about myself, "The Icebreaker" is an introduction to who you are, the title "Finding My Voice." Basically I discussed how it is difficult for me to give speeches and it has been difficult for everyone in my family to speak up because we all have struggled with some type of illness or another that affects the brain and how it organizes thoughts into speech. My older brother has Autism, a disorder where the brain ineffectively filters out the input from the world, sensory overload, and thus makes expression difficult. My younger brothers (my youngest brother in particular) struggle with ADHD and that too makes expression difficult. I and my younger sister have struggled with Major Depressive Disorder and health problems that have made it difficult to speak up.

This speech was very raw and I made myself very vulnerable by discussing these things, as well as the difficulties that I faced as a young mother striving to get through high school and college. I am pleasantly surprised that I was able to give this speech, in a coherent manner and without fainting. My next speech is set for a couple of weeks out, I'm going to put even more thought into writing this one and practicing.

SG

The times that I need a husband...

Most of the time I can get around life alright, I can get a mechanic out to fix my car, I can hire someone to do things for me around the house (or have a friend come help), there are many things that I need a man to help me with but I need a husband when I am scared and not sure what to do.

I've been dealing with an achy tooth since last Friday. I called for an appointment that afternoon and suffered it out over the weekend. I hate taking medication but I made an exception and took some pain killers reasoning that it was only for a short amount of time and that the dentist would fix it on Monday. Well, I went in on Monday and they took a picture, yippie! Then gave me antibiotics and sent me home with an appointment 2 weeks out. Boo. I don't like antibiotics, they mess up the gut microbiome and cause all sorts of problems. So I wanted to avoid taking them. Well I called the Dentist up and asked him if he would take me sooner, he had me schedule something for the next morning. Yay! I went in, had the procedure (which was extra painful for some reason) and I thought it was surly over, nope! My face stayed swollen all week and Friday I discovered an abscess in my gums. So I ran to the doctor to get a shot of antibiotics (less likely to mess up the gut) and I thought that would help. NOPE So now I'm dealing with this weird abscess thing on the side of my gums and it's getting more and more swollen and like it wants to pop. So I try to pop it myself and what do I end up with? No relief, more pain, and WORRY about what the hell is going on and what I should do about it.

At this point I just want someone to say, "I'm taking you to the doctors and getting this fixed." But I don't have that person, I actually didn't have that person with my ex-husband either but that's a different story. I need someone to be calm when I am scared and to take over when I am not thinking clearly. I don't need helpful (unhelpful) comments from the sidelines, I don't need sympathy, I need help.

I guess I wouldn't necessarily need a husband if I had someone else who could help me all the time but dang it I sure miss the convenience of having a sturdy friend/lover to rely on all the time. :/

This is the kind of situation that makes me very, very lonesome and probably less sensible than I should be... :/

SG

Compassion

com·pas·sion
kəmˈpaSHən/
noun
sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
"the victims should be treated with compassion"
synonyms: pity, sympathy, empathy, fellow feeling, care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, love, tenderness, mercy, leniency, tolerance, kindness, humanity, charity
"have you no compassion for a fellow human being?"

To me compassion is a root word. It's definition is encompassing of the many human feelings that make relationships work. Without compassion we have coldness, hardness, intolerance, no mercy, no kindness, no charity.

If we haven't experienced a lot of compassion then we might not understand or be compassionate towards others. We may be intolerant of others faults, especially when we are intolerant of our own faults.

I don't know if reiterating this very human concept is going to solve any of the mysteries of human relationships for me, I do know that as much as I want to be more compassionate towards others I often fall short.

It is the loving look in your eyes, your caress, the way you hold me and kiss me that tell me that you value who I am. My defenses drop when I am offered a taste of what I am missing in my life. I've learned that things are not always simple, that beauty is fleeting and that one moment will change into the next, ultimately we come back to ourselves and we must be compassionate for the quiet soul who resides there.

Workin A Way to Save the Day

I always seem to have a bit of trouble getting back into the swing of things on Monday mornings. I get to work and sometimes I just open up my budget to see if there is any way for me to be free of the obligation to work, looks like I'm stuck for now, so I might as well make the best of it.

It was hard to earn money when I was a kid.

I would ask my parents for chores to earn some and they would hem and haw, parents didn't really like to pay out. 

So I took some initiative, messes under the stairs? $5 bucks! Kitchen floor needs mopping? $2 dollars!

Eventually the money train would run out and I would be left without an income. 

So I turned to babysitting, how hard could it be?

There was a book series I loved as a kid called "The Babysitters Club." It was a primer for aspiring young babysitters and I thought their techniques would work for me. So I put together my babysitting kit, threaded a line from the phone jack in my parents room to my room, put the word out to the Ward (that is our church members) that I was open for business and waited patiently by my phone for someone to call. Well, not by my phone exactly, that would be silly.

I eventually did get a babysitting job and I was so excited! I certainly had a lot of adventures babysitting but that was quite hard work for a few bucks.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well out there, keep on working.

SG

Growing up

The question we all ask ourselves when we are growing up and that others ask is "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I think that question is flawed, we can't peer into the future and see what kinds of opportunities are available to us, we have certain aspirations sometimes but that doesn't necessarily mean that if we pick something when we're little that we will get to do that. 

It's not impossible for a kid to pick out what they want to do, certainly, but it's improbable. I think that the most important thing is to set a goal and start to work towards the goal but pay attention to the opportunities. If an opportunity comes along it may be disguised as a hard or difficult experience. I certainly wouldn't have guessed that I would be going down this road to having my own little recording studio and dance studio. The path that took me here was a broken heart. If I dwell on that, especially the anger that I feel at times, then my progress is impeded. I have to let the bad feelings go in order to let the good ones in. I'm really excited! We are so close to being done! This whole crazy, wild project has been the most fun I have had in a long time. :)

Goodnight Internet land

SG

Relationship madness

I've been watching these videos from a guy who is supposed to be explaining to woman about dating. So many techniques about what to say to keep a guys interest, and about being a high value woman, yadda, yadda. The thing is that I don't always feel self confident. I don't always look at my best. I'm not always witty. I'm not always up for going out and doing things... Sometimes I am, but not always. I have issues, I have baggage... I am a selfish person sometimes, I am human and I can't manufacture a perfect version of myself. All I can be is a person trying to get better. I know I'm missing pieces of information on how to make a relationship work, but I am willing to try, if I felt like I was with a compatible person. I don't want to fall in love with anyone trying to pretend to be the perfect version of themselves either... But I guess someone who I am able to feel comfortable with that's willing to let me see the flaws yet is also working on them so that I know they are a proactive person as well.

I know that there is this supposed understanding that woman need relationships and guys just need sex. Well  that is not fair Mother Nature! I don't want endless, empty, sexual encounters! Damn it! Of course sex is good, with a partner who you know and trust, but it leaves me feeling so empty and vulnerable inside without a relationship and damn if I know the answer to this dilemma because in order for us girls to get to know guys we end up compromising and giving in to what guys want... Get no relationship, or get into a relationship that won't really work, get no where and get nothing but heartache.

A circle of madness.

SG

Pro-Active vs. Re-Active Mindset

A quick thought this evening came to mind as I went to use the restroom here at work. It's late to be at work, almost 8:00 PM now! The cleaning crew has to work around our late schedule which throws them off their game a bit.

I approached the restroom and noted that they had just finished the ladies room (which meant I didn't have to go to a different floor). I walked in noting the slightly damp floor and found a stall, I sat down and out of no-where the door to the restroom opens and the cleaning lady shoves a wet floor sign in. My thoughts, "do they set out signs in other countries to inform people that the floor is wet? It's obvious isn't it, but then we are a litigious country and have signs to inform of the obvious everywhere."

What would happen if we didn't allow for lawsuits for things that should be obvious? In this case the cleaning lady was just in, the floors might be wet so I should take extra care. If I slip, I learn a lesson, be careful on a wet floor. What would happen if we only allow lawsuits for intentional acts of harm to others? Wouldn't we have a better and more congruous society with wiser and more responsible people? I think so. Possibly I am overlooking a lot of things in this assumption.

This train of thought brought me to the idea of mindset. To some extent we are all fighting with our inner ego. I've been hurt, the natural reaction is to lash out and perhaps seek revenge. Doing this gets me a negative place in the balance of my psyche. I am in essence adding to the negativity in my life and exacerbating the condition of being wronged.

We do this as people, we do this as countries. When a slight has been perceived we react, but there is a space where we can choose in-between the event and what we do or how we react. As Victor Frankle puts it in his book "Man's Search For Meaning."

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

I recommend this book wholeheartedly!

In any case, those have been my brief thoughts on being pro-active and re-active for the night.

SG