Tuesday, August 20, 2013

So here are my "secret" thoughts...

I am doing well. No longer do I live with fear as to the necessities of life. It might be nice to buy a bunch of new clothes... but not necessary.

The great dangers that I faced in the past are gone. I know I can survive without my ex-husband. He no longer threatens my children in his anger, my daughters are safe from him and all I have to deal with is his occasionally annoying behaviors. I think I might miss them though if he stopped. Last night he called really late and was trying to ask me a question about his taxes, whether or not I had received a letter from the IRS for him. I was so tired. I had been on the go all day getting the kids ready for school and it was almost midnight so I cut him off and told him all I wanted was to go to sleep. He said "whatever" and hung up. I called him back and asked him what he wanted and confirmed I hadn't received anything from the IRS.

I would miss him if he was gone, completely out of my life. He was my sweetheart for many years. But we broke things off. I had to leave him. That is that.

So I've been thinking on the meaning of commitment.

I wonder. Am I overly judgmental?  Am I going to end up alone because I can't stand to be with anyone?

I miss those I love. It hurts to leave them, it hurts when they leave...

SG

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