Living My Life

I'm making this up as I go along. I see what others are doing and copy that, sometimes I do my own thing, but this really is mostly a phantasm of the reality that I live in. 

Sometimes I think that it's really important that I know all about healthy blood sugar levels and dig down deep into that and think that intermittent fasting is the way to live and it seems like that's right but then it becomes unnatural and I obsess and then all I think about is how I should be doing this thing that's supposed to make me healthy, when really just need to be mindful to a certain point and that's good enough. Sometimes I'm just hungry, I didn't have the time to plan things out and eat at a perfect time and be a perfect person.

That's OK

There's exercise as well, I should lift weights. That would help me reduce my risk of osteoporosis, which is high because it runs in the family and I already have osteopenia, but I over think it, I don't know which weights to lift, nor in which order or feel motivated enough to join a gym and have someone tell me what to do. So what do I do? I think I just need to do whatever I can with whatever I have. I'm not perfect, I don't have the perfect circumstances. 

I look at what I have and who I am and see that I have more of the same things that I've always had. I dive deep into what I like, more books, more thinking, more trying to make up for what I think I lack.

But I have what I need, it's all here, I have books and family, I have the Christmas decorations and games and whimsy. I don't need to have a themed anything, where my whole house is set up in the same type of color, where my kitchen cabinet's are white and there are perfect place settings on my immaculate kitchen table. That's all an illusion anyway, it's empty. What I need is to just be, to get what I like because I like it. To be who I am, to like who I like and spend time with people just because I like spending time with them. 

I wrap myself up in the idea of doing and forget about the idea of being, thus abandoning myself. I've done this to myself since I was little, because I had to grasp around for structure, trying to figure out what I WAS supposed to do with my time. 

I can let go of that now, I can let go of preconceived ideas about what I need to do and just do things, be who I am, love what I love and have fun with life. I can put together a perfect table setting if I feel like it, but it doesn't have to be perfect to enjoy it. I can get pillows for my couch to match my themed living room decorations if I want, or not. 

Because we are still playing, the ideas we get are just that, ideas. We can have fun with life, and do what we want to do, even as adults. Because as we take care of ourselves, doing our adult things, we can have fun as well. 

I can do all this, and not worry about it or what others think, and so can you.

SG