For most of my life I have wanted a nice home and a happy family. I was the puritanical "Molly Mormon" doing everything I could to learn skills that would come in handy during the impending doomsday. I learned how to grind wheat, make bread, can and pickle... Cook all sorts of things. I wanted to home school my kids, teach them the way to be. Hold Family Home Evening every Monday, go to church on Sunday... Do my visiting teaching, have the visiting teachers over. All of the Mormon puritanical ethos I embraced. Pure in deed, thought and modest in dress. All of my beautiful, idealistic beliefs went 'POOF!' when I had to question everything about how I was eating (asking why I was sick from a perfectly normal diet) and then in that questioning everything mode I questioned every belief that I had previously held. Aggravating to my faith was the continual push that I felt to stay with an abusive, manipulative husband that I should have left many times over. Then I got pushed out into the cruel and unforgiving workforce when I decided to be strong and divorce my husband. I wasn't prepared, smart and educated, yes, practical experience, no. It's been a long road.... Tonight I am going out with my friend Rita to a place that plays live music... Can you believe that I have never had a friend to go out with like this? I have had cousins but not friends. This is new for me, infinitely different from the "Molly Mormon" that I once was... Yet still deep down I miss that ideal...
SG
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