One of the most difficult skills to develop is the skill of being present with another human being without imposing your own discomfort or interjecting your own point of view upon them.
As a society we try to skirt over bad feelings, avoid them at all costs. Bad feelings are inconvenient, they are uncomfortable, they take time to process and time to heal.
When you are asked how are you doing? Do you say "I'm fine"? That is how the majority will answer and it is unexpected to hear a different answer.
I think we need to be more accepting of negative feelings. When someone is telling of their pain, try not to immediately jump in trying to solve or dismiss it. Simply listen and encourage them, be there for them. This is a difficult thing to do, I've discovered this especially when my daughter woke up in the hospital a few weeks ago in a great deal of pain and confusion.
It is then when I sat by her bedside at a loss that I discovered how difficult it is to give emotional support. I couldn't hug her, I couldn't do much for her at all except give her a moistened sponge and scratch her feet for her. I had to grapple with those feelings of inadequacy that we all sometimes struggle with and just admit that the power I had was to just be there.
We hide from sad things, but without an understanding of the difficult and sad part of life it is more difficult and sad to try and deal with sad things when they do come along.
Take some time and listen to this talk by Susan David | The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage and learn a bit about facing hard things.
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