Raison d'Etre

I have never been much of a story teller. I am at times able to tell parts of my own story, and write poetry that comes from the reserves of passion and emotion in my heart. I'm sitting outside on a nice spring day. It's been so stormy, raining so many days during this spring that sitting outside wasn't really an option. I have a home right by the state road 89 and it's busy. Not the idealistic picture of a quiet little home with a view that I've had all my life, but it is mine, and I can see the mountains which have always been a part of my life.

I used to look up at the sky in the early evening, searching for the first start to wish on. My wish was always happiness, but even then I didn't know what happiness was exactly, just that I was unhappy. I felt shame for a long time that I was unable to be firm in the convictions I was told I must have. Those convictions were mores, morals, standards for behavior, expectations for my life, I did not live up to them. Now I question the world in which we live in and how the standard for morality has been built over these centuries of living. I feel un-grounded at times, because I know I'm following a less traveled path.

I've always wanted to be able to write well. To convey the inner dialogue that is going through my head. We all have a dialogue, a raison d'etre driving us on. I like to discover other peoples thoughts on things that concern me, it is a way of clarifying and bringing my own thoughts into focus.