To a certain degree we all struggle with the perception and reality of aloneness. It is a perception because often, though we feel alone, we are surrounded by people. It is a reality because unfortunately we live and breath and die with the constant companion of self and there is no other that can dwell there unless we open and let others in to whatever degree that is possible.
In fact that is the dilemma that we face when trying to open ourselves up to the influence of spirit. The inner voice is the strongest voice, and even then the inner voice can be silenced by distractions, nonsense and idiocy. The challenge is to embrace the enlightening influence of the spirit, incorporating it into our awareness and balancing that with the immediacy of the corporal world in which we live.
I think my inner voice has been silenced in many way's at times by certain desires to fit in to the general mold, not surprisingly this general tendency leads me to silence as in the world of generality I really have no voice as I am generally and naturally separate and distinct from others, though I have the same underlying desires of being understood and loved for who I am.
Ironically I find not only silence but a retreating into a shell of defense when I allow myself to be categorized as a certain stereotypical person, which I suppose is unavoidable in some respects.
The irony really is that I betray myself in order to fit into the mold and then find that I am uncomfortable there.
So this blog then has been an effort to blend in, as unnecessary as that may be, and instead of writing lengthy discourses on my thoughts (as I tended to do in the beginning) I have limited it to a few pithy antidotes about my life and whatever amusing or enlightening bit of media that I came across... so much dis-ingenuity that I have often thought about closing this blog from the sheer burden of having to come up with more of the same to post.
Thus, I vow to ramble away if the need strikes me, for then truly this blog will be a reflection of myself.
SG
6 comments:
"The irony really is that I betray myself in order to fit into the mold and then find that I am uncomfortable there."
I agree with this. We get too much engulfed into the idea of "fitting in" that we lay our true-self aside and blend in by fitting into a mold designed by someone else. That someone, who might not even know your true side, and by the looks of it, s/he might never get to know the true side.
After getting stereotyped that way, it becomes harder to shed that shell and find yourself and be yourself as you have already been characterized.
Rambling away is you reflecting yourself here SG. So, ramble away! There are people who care to read, listen and understand the true SG.
I'm glad you understand, it is good to hear. :)
It is very easy to slip into people pleasing but your readers have the choice to read or not and you should be able to put your real thoughts here. I liked your honesty in this post and admire it. It is tiring to try to be something you feel is not true to yourself.
"Express everything you like. No word can hurt you. None. No idea can hurt you. Not being able to express an idea or word will hurt you more. Like a bullet." - Jamaica Kincaid
Remember my sista, the word 'alone' originated from two words = all one.
Enjoy the freedom of your new chapter and the electronic pen on paper.
You should feel the freedom to say whatever you want, because in fact it is your blog.
You could always make if private if you feel afraid about what might happen.
Ramble on as you please dear girl, you may say all that you want, some thoughts we must set free.
I enjoyed this post, sometimes we do try to fit in and compromise our true self and then we feel uncomfortable as if we have betrayed our inner spirit.
None of us are perfect, I'm actually tired of being myself, tired of being alone, I have so much to give of myself and to share with the right person, but so far love has eluded me. ♥
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