I feel out of step sometimes. When everyone is jumping on board to do this or that activity I'm doing something else.
It's hard to convey how awkward I feel at times. I get so focused on the details that it is hard for me to relinquish what I'm doing to go do something else.
I try to convey a good impression when I talk to other people. A lot of times I beat myself up afterwords because I'm unsure that I said the right thing or if I acted the right way.
Tonight a colleague stopped by my cubicle to tell me about a job offer. They are hiring "Order Management" clerks, basically an A/R position, entry level. He had noticed that I have a Bachelors Degree in accounting which is what they require. Well... I had been told of a similar opening before by a guy on my team. I know what it is that is holding me back from accepting this type of work... growth. Basically the position I am in is allowing me to grow a process, something that I enjoy a lot more then simple accounting rote work. Plus I stay late in this position because I get to work late in the day, and I'm very passionate about what I'm doing. I'm scarred of getting into a different position where I am not in control of my schedule.
There are other reasons I'm resisting applying for a different position but they are hard to explain, even to myself.
The conversation went something like this. OM Manager "Hey I noticed that you have a Bachelors Degree in Accounting, did you know that we are looking for someone in order management?" Me "I thought they had filled that position, I didn't know there was another opening." Wendell "Yeah, I just interviewed someone that I didn't like, I'm not promising anything but you should apply." Me "What does someone in Order Management do?" Wendell "they help determine if the customers billing is correct, reconcile differences and help with monthly reconciliation (something like that, I can't remember exactly what he said)." Me: "Are there any opportunities for advancement? I guess so because Mario just moved up." Wendell "yeah, I had another guy working for me for a year and then he moved up, this is an entry level position." Me: "ah, well one thing that I really like about my job right now is that I'm helping to develop the process. I know that Adobe has been challenged with this problem for quite some time now and I really feel that were close to coming up with a good solution (something to that extent)." Wendell: "well think about it, the job is listed online. It's not a job title that you see very often, though you see it more in California. Apply if you'd like (something like that...)
Sooooo I think the conversation went well, I feel anxious though that I came across sort of condescending because I was all like, "eh I don't want your job I like what I'm doing...." Should I care? Am I off base here?
I guess I really need to look it up, I couldn't get it to pull up earlier.
Another realization, I don't write much at all about what my kids are up to. K is starting a job at 7-Peaks tomorrow. They are all out for the summer. I need to buy them all "Passes of all passes..." the 7-Peaks dealio... Edgemont students get a discount.
R had a graduation from Headstart last week. I've got pictures I need to post them.
S successfully graduated from the Fourth to the Fifth grade, he's growing up... going to be a teenager soon... :( I get a rather odd feeling about my kids getting so grown up... makes me frustrated that I can't and haven't spent much time with them and that I haven't taught them much. (Yes I know I'm a good Mom, but I'm split up into Mom and Dad and that's just not enough but as much as I can give...)
I'm reading a book called "Deep Nutrition" it's profound... so deep... ;)
Basically it was the last push I needed to convince me that eggs, pastured pork, whole raw milk, butter, grass fed beef... basically stuff that I grew up thinking was bad for me are really the only types of food that are good for me. Let me tell you, eating sausage guilt free every day (almost) is heavenly. :)
I wish I knew if my position was going to be permanent. My manager alluded to wanting to give me good tips and skills "even though I can't offer a permanent position." Which is contrary to her alluding to hiring me full time with a team of two here in Orem and sending me to India to train a team over there. Perhaps my blundering ways during my meeting presentations is causing her to rethink the idea. It seems I always get shortchanged because of skills I am working on but not quite able to carry out yet.... I'm good in other ways, many, many other ways. It's not being able to communicate effectively that is killing me. I hate it when I fall short.... :(
I'll put up some pictures tomorrow. I think I've broken through a bit of that communication barrier that's holding me down...
~Annie
It's hard to convey how awkward I feel at times. I get so focused on the details that it is hard for me to relinquish what I'm doing to go do something else.
I try to convey a good impression when I talk to other people. A lot of times I beat myself up afterwords because I'm unsure that I said the right thing or if I acted the right way.
Tonight a colleague stopped by my cubicle to tell me about a job offer. They are hiring "Order Management" clerks, basically an A/R position, entry level. He had noticed that I have a Bachelors Degree in accounting which is what they require. Well... I had been told of a similar opening before by a guy on my team. I know what it is that is holding me back from accepting this type of work... growth. Basically the position I am in is allowing me to grow a process, something that I enjoy a lot more then simple accounting rote work. Plus I stay late in this position because I get to work late in the day, and I'm very passionate about what I'm doing. I'm scarred of getting into a different position where I am not in control of my schedule.
There are other reasons I'm resisting applying for a different position but they are hard to explain, even to myself.
The conversation went something like this. OM Manager "Hey I noticed that you have a Bachelors Degree in Accounting, did you know that we are looking for someone in order management?" Me "I thought they had filled that position, I didn't know there was another opening." Wendell "Yeah, I just interviewed someone that I didn't like, I'm not promising anything but you should apply." Me "What does someone in Order Management do?" Wendell "they help determine if the customers billing is correct, reconcile differences and help with monthly reconciliation (something like that, I can't remember exactly what he said)." Me: "Are there any opportunities for advancement? I guess so because Mario just moved up." Wendell "yeah, I had another guy working for me for a year and then he moved up, this is an entry level position." Me: "ah, well one thing that I really like about my job right now is that I'm helping to develop the process. I know that Adobe has been challenged with this problem for quite some time now and I really feel that were close to coming up with a good solution (something to that extent)." Wendell: "well think about it, the job is listed online. It's not a job title that you see very often, though you see it more in California. Apply if you'd like (something like that...)
Sooooo I think the conversation went well, I feel anxious though that I came across sort of condescending because I was all like, "eh I don't want your job I like what I'm doing...." Should I care? Am I off base here?
I guess I really need to look it up, I couldn't get it to pull up earlier.
Another realization, I don't write much at all about what my kids are up to. K is starting a job at 7-Peaks tomorrow. They are all out for the summer. I need to buy them all "Passes of all passes..." the 7-Peaks dealio... Edgemont students get a discount.
R had a graduation from Headstart last week. I've got pictures I need to post them.
S successfully graduated from the Fourth to the Fifth grade, he's growing up... going to be a teenager soon... :( I get a rather odd feeling about my kids getting so grown up... makes me frustrated that I can't and haven't spent much time with them and that I haven't taught them much. (Yes I know I'm a good Mom, but I'm split up into Mom and Dad and that's just not enough but as much as I can give...)
I'm reading a book called "Deep Nutrition" it's profound... so deep... ;)
Basically it was the last push I needed to convince me that eggs, pastured pork, whole raw milk, butter, grass fed beef... basically stuff that I grew up thinking was bad for me are really the only types of food that are good for me. Let me tell you, eating sausage guilt free every day (almost) is heavenly. :)
I wish I knew if my position was going to be permanent. My manager alluded to wanting to give me good tips and skills "even though I can't offer a permanent position." Which is contrary to her alluding to hiring me full time with a team of two here in Orem and sending me to India to train a team over there. Perhaps my blundering ways during my meeting presentations is causing her to rethink the idea. It seems I always get shortchanged because of skills I am working on but not quite able to carry out yet.... I'm good in other ways, many, many other ways. It's not being able to communicate effectively that is killing me. I hate it when I fall short.... :(
I'll put up some pictures tomorrow. I think I've broken through a bit of that communication barrier that's holding me down...
~Annie
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