Sister say's I'm a hippie...

Well...

I guess I need to re-write my profile description. My little sister says she can't read it, that I sound like a hippie!! :D

I guess I kind of am. I need to write up some adventures of Shannie and Annie, (and actually Danny as well, my brother) we were quite the earth children.

We used to hang out at a little shop called Ako Ako (or something like that). It was a little hippie shop full of incense, hemp purses, and natural beaded jewelry. They had curious rings and jewelry. A big picture of Bob Marley on the wall, and Jimmy Hendricks as well.

We called it the "Blue Door" because it was literally a blue door hidden in the midst of other more appealing shops.

We used to haunt the shops downtown, especially the run down deserted ones. There was an interesting sort of "mini-mall" which had unique shops in it.

We once had a serious discussion between us cousins (our other cousins had joined us) about going to Alaska to become salmon fishermen. We discussed this because we were sitting around in a sunken seating area, which used to be popular in the malls around here but they have since taken then out of most of them, and one of us was scanning through the ad's for "Help Wanted" and that was one of the options for a job.

I still remember the curious smell of stale air and a hard to describe "old building" smell. Center street was an area of decline for quite a while, until the current mayor got into office. I'm not sure if this little place is still there, or if it is where they took out some buildings to put in a Marriot hotel.

We loved it anyway. It had mysterious stairways which led to the uppper level that wasn't open to the public. The hallway sloped upward past all of the stores to the other side where you could exit out the back.

Many of the stores were empty but a few businesses still hung on. They had one store dedicated to all things Scottish which I loved to haunt. A curious shop full of sparkly things, a coin shop, a material shop, a few restaurants.

One of the little restaurants was a Chinese restaurant. We would order egg drop soup and pop (because it was cheap). Then write ridiculous songs on the back of the napkins.

There was actually another interesting store down the road a bit from there that rented out tapes of music from around the world. I wanted to rent some but was a minor (they didn't trust me, for good reason). :D

The music was interesting though, I am still drawn to all of the different musical styles out there. Plus different languages, though I have yet to discipline my self to mastering one.

Mostly we would walk barefoot down the street in our cut-offs and hop on nearby patches of grass, when our feet got to hot.

We had many adventures involving torturing the neighbor boys, by doing really random things like giving them strange pictures for their interpretation. Jumping up to pat their heads as they walked (actually suck their brains with our hands - evil grin. We were terrible flirts).

Hanging out in the wild back yard and oddly throwing salt over our shoulders (for good luck).

Alrighty, that's enough revealing information for one night. ;p

I will put up a picture that was on Ako Ako's door later,(which I was surprised to see on someones blog) because I am up at my mom's. :D

Alrighty it's later...

Here's the picture



Actually this is a good depiction of how I feel when I start to talk about this time in my life.

At that point in life I felt aimless, drifting, and I suppose somewhat selfish.

I get nervous when I think about how I was at times. I guess in some ways it was fun, doing random things, hanging out and writing songs about flowers.

But in other ways it was unnerving. Not taking anything seriously, doing whatever we pleased without regard to what others thought of us. What was most unnerving about this was how selfish it led me to become.

I suppose that is the crux of things. I don't like being selfish because I care about others and I don't like myself when I am selfish.

I sort of think that a bit of the hippie movement was about being selfish, doing your own thing, free love and drugs. I think it was a mindset that ruined a lot of peoples lives.

I have been thinking about changing my profile description. Though I think it is a very good description of me, it came from a poetical moment that I was having. I think that it is not a full enough description of me, because I am not all mountainous streams and wild strawberries (though ya' all know I love them and would love to hang around up at Strawberry Reservoir hunting for wild strawberries).

Hmmm... I guess we shall see what comes to me to put there. :D

Eye Meme

John over at Smoke Rings and Matterings has issued a challenge, er, he's passing on a challenge from Splotchy.

The challenge... to post a close up picture of your eyes. I tag whoever feels like taking it on!!

Have fun!!

Bits and Pieces

(Some bits and pieces... from my Live Journal Account - 2005)

November 2005,

All is peaceful right now, there isn't a creature that would dare stir outside as it is very cold. The heat is turned up but it is irritating because the upstairs of our duplex gets very hot and that is where our rooms are located.

Some nights I alternate between fitfully trying to find a cold piece of metal to cool down my feet (such as my bed post) to throwing the covers off and racing to the bathroom for a drink of water, to stumbling down the stairs to fall asleep on the couch.

It is also murderous for my skin which is dry in some parts and oily in other's. Sometimes though I like the solitude of winter, it is refreshing to think that the world is taking a break for a while.

I love it when the snow falls outside of my window, especially when there are large flakes. It is so enjoyable to curl up in a fluffy blanket and drink a cup of hot cocoa.


Thoughts (While depressed and in school)

It is strange how people live in their heads. I wake up in the morning and stumble into the bathroom to put in my contacts. During school I have the distressed feeling that I have a lot to do, not enough time and that I am never doing enough.

I feel like everyone is more on top of things than I am, that they understand the subject more, that they are smarter, better looking, etc. . . . I had to take a break this semester, I had too many of these feelings and needed to get back to feeling whole, like I mattered and knew myself.

Since I don't have school to keep my mind occupied I invent things to do. I currently embarked on a lengthy project to organize my life, including my cook books, with the cook book project over I now look around and see all the things wrong in my home that I want to fix.

I feel so apathetic, nothing really bad is happening to me, nothing really good. Is it wrong to wish for something to happen? Maybe I would be cursed with some horrible tragedy.

Sometimes I know I am depressed, I look up at the world glumly and think "Yeah i'm depressed," so how do I change that. It is the worst thing to feel that way when you are in the middle of school, school has a way of sucking the life out of you and making you feel like a loser.

Hopefully I won't waste my time during this break and not take the time to reflect upon my life, that is one thing that helps me to bring things back into focus.

Do you ever have the feeling that you are not doing enough with your life, not reading enough books, not learning enough facts, not helping enough, not cleaning enough, not sleeping enough or sleeping too much and on and on.

I feel like that all the time and it's driving me crazy, it's like I can't have a break or I will be wasting that time to do more (but not enough). I think that is what the negative forces in the universe do to me, it is to drive me crazy and not let me feel good about myself. Well I really should get to sleep, (part of the getting enough sleep voice is nagging me).


This is the desciption of things that I liked from my old "Live Journal" account.

Achnacarry, Agatha Christie books, Anne of Green Gables, antiques, architecture, art, astronomy, bakeries, baking, Benjamin Franklin, books, bread, carpentry, cats, challenges, compassion, cooking, cozy fires, creating art, creativity, cuddling, different cultures, driftwood, exercise, fine furniture, food, French, gardening, genealogy, Harry Potter, historical food, historical money, history, humor, interior design, LDS books, LDS church films, learning, long walks, math, meditation, money, movies, music, mysteries, nature, nursery rhymes, nutrition, old books, old fashioned manners, old songs, organization, playing in the rain, rainy days, refinement, satellites, satire, school, singing, soft falling snow, staying healthy, sunflowers, sunsets, The Beatles, theater, Victorian style homes, windmills, Winnie the Pooh, writing

Everlasting Strawberry Girl

Strawberries!! I love them, especially the organic kind, or better still the ones you pick sun ripened and fresh from the garden. Then again there is a particular kind of thrill that I get when I come upon the wild ones!!

I don't know why this is, but it has always been this way. There are so many pictures of me with strawberry shortcake (the cartoon character) on my shirt, or cakes that my mom obliged me with for my birthday.

I also love the complimentary colors to strawberry red (dosen't that sound lovely, strawberry red?!) When I was trying to come up with a name for this blog, something that I had always liked, strawberry girl came to me and it just felt right...

I remember one year, for Christmas, I recieved a little strawberry themed bath kit. I used the little strawberry shampoo with delight, smelling the bottle of it repeatedly with an ecstatic thrill.

My hair was never so soft as when I used that shampoo!! I tried to be careful not to use it up, but it was gone to soon, and I pestered my mother about it for a long time afterwards.

Several Christmases ago, my mom hit upon a good idea for a gift guaranteed to make me smile. A shirt that said "Livin the sweet life," with Strawberry Shortcake on it.

She could not have guessed my reaction to it would be pure ecstasy!! I opened the box, completely unaware of what it could be, being an adult my mom had stopped buying me clothing every year so it was a surprise to get a clothing box.

As I lifted the lid and saw what it was I was filled with a surprisingly strong amount of happiness. I lifted it out and hugged it, then cried. That was one memorable gift!!

I buy my daughters Strawberry shortcake stuff as well, except for A, she sees right through it!! One year though I had gotten her a little gift set with a little Strawberry Shortcake doll in it.

Well... she lost interest in it, so I sentimentally picked up the doll to carry around in my pocket (she was being neglected). Imagine my embarrassment when a lady at the store saw me pull it out when I was rummaging in my pockets for some chapstick, I just grinned at her.

Every year about this time I start getting itchy for strawberry shortcake and my mother obliges me. So on Sunday she got a whole bunch of strawberries, to my everlasting delight, and asked me to help her cut them up.

Well sometimes I can do this chore efficiently, but for some reason I was day dreaming this Sunday and was happily cutting off the tops and lining them up on the cutting board to photograph, finding interesting looking strawberries, to take pictures of them as well.

My mom efficiently chopped away while I was doing this. I even found a baby green one (which I promptly took a picture of!!). My mom and sister started laughing at me, but I just can't help it sometimes!!

They decided that I would find strawberry themed blog background, and that I would look for strawberries pictures, and that I was going to so a post all about strawberries (uh, kinda did that one didn't I ;p). They were having a great time poking fun at me... (Little sis. I will get you back, just you wait, muwahahaha!!)

Most of my pictures were messed up because I was unfamiliar with my sons camera. But here are a few that turned out alright!!

School - A New Direction

Tonight begins a new chapter in my life. Meet me, a student... I love being a student. Up until 2006 that was what defined me, studying.

It didn't matter what class I was in, I absolutely loved the challenge, the discipline of studying, of being in a class room delving into the theory's and merits of the subject.

Part of this attraction I think is the really unregulated way in which I was raised, the absent dialogue and direction from my home environment. Part of it was the fact that I have always been attracted to learning.

I hated elementary school, middle school, and high school, partly because the setting was not as self directed as college, and partly because the other kids drove me crazy.

So why is tonight a new chapter? Well, it's a long story, got a minute?

I got married young, 16. We lived with my parents for the first part of our marriage, we had to send Sam over to Tonga for a while although I was five months pregnant(there were a couple of reasons, it was a messy time in our relationship).

My mom helped me during this time to get him a VISA (the process was a nightmare and I still feel guilty for the stress it caused y family). Then we moved out with our two little babies when he got back (I had my daughter while he was away, nine months!!)

My husband had been working in the concrete industry ever since I first met him. It has been a challenging industry to deal with in regards to paying our bills.

At first he worked for his uncle, I used to think he was a cheat until I found out how hard it is to run a concrete company well. His uncle had the same problem that we have had trying to run a concrete business, that is trying to keep track of costs in order to make a profit and the fact that sometimes people just don't pay what they say that they will.

So while he was working with his uncle, he would sometimes not get paid. Thus it was difficult to pay our bills because the income wasn't steady.

I actually went to school sometimes because we got grant money that helped to pay our rent. Good thing I liked school. My mom helped me through it by watching my kids, it was a hard thing to do really but I needed to do it. (and I liked it, too).

Then because he wasn't getting paid, he decided to run his own business, he has terrible business sense. He copied what he thought he needed (like cell phones for all of his employees) and other kind of interesting theories on what he needed until he ended up running up our bills.

Well that did not turn out very fun, no siree not at all. We were broke, I was pregnant, we were kicked out of our apartment, so we moved in with my parents until I found the place we are in now. (It was only for about a week, I really beat the bushes looking for this place. 3 bedrooms and a big back yard).

I finished my degree in Behavioral Science (an AS) then got to work on a Bachelor of Science in Accounting. (Which I finished in 2006)

He started working for his cousin, his cousin had a bit of business sense, since he went to school. The economy was good so they were all doing well.

Then Sam thought he could do better with someone else so he started working with another guy, he did do well, Sam is really good at concrete work. The company he was working for payed him well and regularly. It was great!!

So for quite a while, up until the end of 2007 we had a nice steady income that was enough to meet our needs and we started to put money away (in a 401(K)).

Then 2008 happened, well actually November 2007. I could sort of see it coming so I had been doing seemingly strange things like spending money on a Vita-Mix (Life saver, grinds all my gluten free grains), and other useful things that have really been good to have around (like a water filter that can filter lake water if we need it too). It was sort of stressful doing that but I am glad that I did.

November 2007 Sam was laid off, they thought it was only temporary, but... our savings held out for a while. Then we cashed out our 401 (K) (when it was about 3/4 of what we put into it, but still we got something. Being an accounting student I hated doing it because I have studied the behavior of the stock market and I know that over the long run it would have recovered and blah, blah, blah... i'm almost ready to disregard every accounting lesson I have ever learned... Lots of disillusion over here in regards to the industry. Anyone else feel that way?)

So last year Sam decided to run his own business again. He made a deal with a lot of people, used poor judgement and got stuck with a really big bill... I tried to tell him, Dad tried to tell him, but he didn't listen. Now... after begging me to forgive him for it, (and a few other things) we have been faltering around looking for a way to survive.

So this is what I have come up with. Going back to school, yes I could do it myself... I would love to go back to school and get the degree. But Sam is my husband, so he needs to be the one.

He has always liked sports and the program for becoming a Personal Trainer sounded like the most reasonable course for him to take. It didn't have nearly the amount of classes that some of the other courses require and a lot of it involves working out.

He has wanted to go into criminal justice, but the course work really is a lot, he will be able to use this degree in so many other ways, working with the police in training, or at the hospital, or with the athletic department of our local university or at a gym like he will originally do.

Plus I get a bonus, I get to read his textbooks to help him interpret them. I am extremely excited about it, I really would have liked to do this program myself since I am really interested in health and fitness. (Something that I have been working on for a long time).

The local Gyms need a lot of people, he will need to get a separate certificate to get working right away. (Which costs about $550.00, and takes about 5 weeks to complete) then he can start working. He could just do that and not go to school (which is expensive about $13,000) but I think that it will be good for him if he does go to school and it will give us something to work together on, hopefully giving us a more common experience.

He has felt in the past that I think more than him, that I look down on him. I haven't really, he's smart in certain ways that I am not. If he goes to school though it will help him in this regard.

In some ways this is a really scary thing to be doing. We don't have money to rely on, though we are getting unemployment and food stamps, but we have to do something.

He has not been able to get a job, though there is some concrete work coming up (I am having mixed feelings about it, supposedly its another sure thing) he is supposed to be working with a company, some kind of deal where his brother and he will get paid by the hour until the end of the contract, then they will get a share of the profits. A few things I am worried about are renewing his contractors license, getting him insured again (which has been expensive), thinking about how he will handle people who will inevitably show up to "help." (Last year he had a lot of relatives and friends show up and start working because they were out of work and he felt obligated to pay them... so he did, over cost...). I really, really don't like concrete work right now... but he could do it, and go to school at night, gah!! It's a frustrating thing.

Letting go of the wall, to swim out to the deep end. Hoping that this will be the answer to all of the struggles and misunderstandings. The needed job, the self esteem, the chance to work together and bond... I hope.

So that's what's going on... I am excited and now I am going to get to work. :o)

(Plus concrete work is so unhealthy for the laborer, the convenience store food, the long hours in the sun... and I can use what I learn as well, maybe even getting a certificate as well, just in case).

How did you think when you were younger...

These first few were my original answers, kind of diary answers...

How did you think when you were younger (0-12)?
I was afraid of basements and places that were cluttered. (But fascinated as well)
I liked to curl up in my closet either on the floor in the far corner or on the top shelf, when I was afraid or hurt or sad.
I used to have a hiding place for my money or candy
I was always trying to think of ways to make money, when I was 5 I tried to sell “washed potato bugs” around the block.
I was kind of a jealous kid, if my brother had more money than me, it would make me mad and I wouldn’t spend any money until I knew he had spent his or I had earned more money than him. (I did this with Halloween candy too...)
I was really sensitive, I thought that other people were talking about me a lot. If I did hear anything, like my Aunt making a stupid comment or my cousins, it would throw me into crying hysterics, this mostly around the ages of 7-10. (WAY TOO SENSITIVE, YIKES!!) Afterwards, 11+ until about 19, I just thought people were talking about me and did'nt like it. I hated to be kept out of places, I remember the child gate that my Aunt had to keep us out of the hall, I remember the hiding places that my Aunt and mom used to have for their stuff. (Yummy Andes Mints...)
I also liked to climb, I climbed out of my cousins window into a large bush that was by it and down. Plus there was no tree too high...
I hated to be told what to do, esp. when I thought that I should have my own time, like summer. My mom used to sign us up for summer school because she was working, I would always escape with my brother. (Ha beat it summer school ;p)
We also used to run away from our church meetings and wander the halls and find empty class rooms to play around in.
We also used to run away from school, I legitimately had a really good reason not to be there since there were so many mean girls that I wanted to avoid. Of course we (my brother and I) always had to watch out for my Aunt who liked to travel on the main road from her house (which was about a block away from ours) to the school, or to the store. She would catch us and bring us back to school. (I would also rather be studying at home anyway... maybe one day I will tell you about completing all of the work from the math book just to get into a higher class... oh I just did ;p)(<- Hmm, does that make me look like I have a double chin?) I loved excitement The world was so vivid, and I felt sorry for things and animals and people when I thought they were being neglected. Did you play imaginary games?
My brother and I had very vivid imaginations, we thought of the empty lot behind our house as the “Snake Pit,” so named because very soon after moving in and exploring it we found some worms under an abandoned plastic swimming pool and thrilled to think that if there were worms there might be snakes too. There were snakes, but they were harmless garter snakes. We also designated other areas of the lot as “The Sand Dunes,” “Fairy Valley,” “The cat’s grave yard,” and “The domain of the mean old guy (you didn’t cross him, man).”
I used to play games such as “duck, duck, goose,” “red rover, red rover,” etc.
I liked to pretend to be an Indian with my girl cousins, we gave ourselves funny names like “light feather” or “dances with the wind.”

More exciting tidbits about me to come... ;p (I'm sure your all dying to hear them right?)