(Some bits and pieces... from my Live Journal Account - 2005)
November 2005,
All is peaceful right now, there isn't a creature that would dare stir outside as it is very cold. The heat is turned up but it is irritating because the upstairs of our duplex gets very hot and that is where our rooms are located.
Some nights I alternate between fitfully trying to find a cold piece of metal to cool down my feet (such as my bed post) to throwing the covers off and racing to the bathroom for a drink of water, to stumbling down the stairs to fall asleep on the couch.
It is also murderous for my skin which is dry in some parts and oily in other's. Sometimes though I like the solitude of winter, it is refreshing to think that the world is taking a break for a while.
I love it when the snow falls outside of my window, especially when there are large flakes. It is so enjoyable to curl up in a fluffy blanket and drink a cup of hot cocoa.
Thoughts (While depressed and in school)
It is strange how people live in their heads. I wake up in the morning and stumble into the bathroom to put in my contacts. During school I have the distressed feeling that I have a lot to do, not enough time and that I am never doing enough.
I feel like everyone is more on top of things than I am, that they understand the subject more, that they are smarter, better looking, etc. . . . I had to take a break this semester, I had too many of these feelings and needed to get back to feeling whole, like I mattered and knew myself.
Since I don't have school to keep my mind occupied I invent things to do. I currently embarked on a lengthy project to organize my life, including my cook books, with the cook book project over I now look around and see all the things wrong in my home that I want to fix.
I feel so apathetic, nothing really bad is happening to me, nothing really good. Is it wrong to wish for something to happen? Maybe I would be cursed with some horrible tragedy.
Sometimes I know I am depressed, I look up at the world glumly and think "Yeah i'm depressed," so how do I change that. It is the worst thing to feel that way when you are in the middle of school, school has a way of sucking the life out of you and making you feel like a loser.
Hopefully I won't waste my time during this break and not take the time to reflect upon my life, that is one thing that helps me to bring things back into focus.
Do you ever have the feeling that you are not doing enough with your life, not reading enough books, not learning enough facts, not helping enough, not cleaning enough, not sleeping enough or sleeping too much and on and on.
I feel like that all the time and it's driving me crazy, it's like I can't have a break or I will be wasting that time to do more (but not enough). I think that is what the negative forces in the universe do to me, it is to drive me crazy and not let me feel good about myself. Well I really should get to sleep, (part of the getting enough sleep voice is nagging me).
This is the desciption of things that I liked from my old "Live Journal" account.
Achnacarry, Agatha Christie books, Anne of Green Gables, antiques, architecture, art, astronomy, bakeries, baking, Benjamin Franklin, books, bread, carpentry, cats, challenges, compassion, cooking, cozy fires, creating art, creativity, cuddling, different cultures, driftwood, exercise, fine furniture, food, French, gardening, genealogy, Harry Potter, historical food, historical money, history, humor, interior design, LDS books, LDS church films, learning, long walks, math, meditation, money, movies, music, mysteries, nature, nursery rhymes, nutrition, old books, old fashioned manners, old songs, organization, playing in the rain, rainy days, refinement, satellites, satire, school, singing, soft falling snow, staying healthy, sunflowers, sunsets, The Beatles, theater, Victorian style homes, windmills, Winnie the Pooh, writing
November 2005,
All is peaceful right now, there isn't a creature that would dare stir outside as it is very cold. The heat is turned up but it is irritating because the upstairs of our duplex gets very hot and that is where our rooms are located.
Some nights I alternate between fitfully trying to find a cold piece of metal to cool down my feet (such as my bed post) to throwing the covers off and racing to the bathroom for a drink of water, to stumbling down the stairs to fall asleep on the couch.
It is also murderous for my skin which is dry in some parts and oily in other's. Sometimes though I like the solitude of winter, it is refreshing to think that the world is taking a break for a while.
I love it when the snow falls outside of my window, especially when there are large flakes. It is so enjoyable to curl up in a fluffy blanket and drink a cup of hot cocoa.
Thoughts (While depressed and in school)
It is strange how people live in their heads. I wake up in the morning and stumble into the bathroom to put in my contacts. During school I have the distressed feeling that I have a lot to do, not enough time and that I am never doing enough.
I feel like everyone is more on top of things than I am, that they understand the subject more, that they are smarter, better looking, etc. . . . I had to take a break this semester, I had too many of these feelings and needed to get back to feeling whole, like I mattered and knew myself.
Since I don't have school to keep my mind occupied I invent things to do. I currently embarked on a lengthy project to organize my life, including my cook books, with the cook book project over I now look around and see all the things wrong in my home that I want to fix.
I feel so apathetic, nothing really bad is happening to me, nothing really good. Is it wrong to wish for something to happen? Maybe I would be cursed with some horrible tragedy.
Sometimes I know I am depressed, I look up at the world glumly and think "Yeah i'm depressed," so how do I change that. It is the worst thing to feel that way when you are in the middle of school, school has a way of sucking the life out of you and making you feel like a loser.
Hopefully I won't waste my time during this break and not take the time to reflect upon my life, that is one thing that helps me to bring things back into focus.
Do you ever have the feeling that you are not doing enough with your life, not reading enough books, not learning enough facts, not helping enough, not cleaning enough, not sleeping enough or sleeping too much and on and on.
I feel like that all the time and it's driving me crazy, it's like I can't have a break or I will be wasting that time to do more (but not enough). I think that is what the negative forces in the universe do to me, it is to drive me crazy and not let me feel good about myself. Well I really should get to sleep, (part of the getting enough sleep voice is nagging me).
This is the desciption of things that I liked from my old "Live Journal" account.
Achnacarry, Agatha Christie books, Anne of Green Gables, antiques, architecture, art, astronomy, bakeries, baking, Benjamin Franklin, books, bread, carpentry, cats, challenges, compassion, cooking, cozy fires, creating art, creativity, cuddling, different cultures, driftwood, exercise, fine furniture, food, French, gardening, genealogy, Harry Potter, historical food, historical money, history, humor, interior design, LDS books, LDS church films, learning, long walks, math, meditation, money, movies, music, mysteries, nature, nursery rhymes, nutrition, old books, old fashioned manners, old songs, organization, playing in the rain, rainy days, refinement, satellites, satire, school, singing, soft falling snow, staying healthy, sunflowers, sunsets, The Beatles, theater, Victorian style homes, windmills, Winnie the Pooh, writing
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