School - A New Direction

Tonight begins a new chapter in my life. Meet me, a student... I love being a student. Up until 2006 that was what defined me, studying.

It didn't matter what class I was in, I absolutely loved the challenge, the discipline of studying, of being in a class room delving into the theory's and merits of the subject.

Part of this attraction I think is the really unregulated way in which I was raised, the absent dialogue and direction from my home environment. Part of it was the fact that I have always been attracted to learning.

I hated elementary school, middle school, and high school, partly because the setting was not as self directed as college, and partly because the other kids drove me crazy.

So why is tonight a new chapter? Well, it's a long story, got a minute?

I got married young, 16. We lived with my parents for the first part of our marriage, we had to send Sam over to Tonga for a while although I was five months pregnant(there were a couple of reasons, it was a messy time in our relationship).

My mom helped me during this time to get him a VISA (the process was a nightmare and I still feel guilty for the stress it caused y family). Then we moved out with our two little babies when he got back (I had my daughter while he was away, nine months!!)

My husband had been working in the concrete industry ever since I first met him. It has been a challenging industry to deal with in regards to paying our bills.

At first he worked for his uncle, I used to think he was a cheat until I found out how hard it is to run a concrete company well. His uncle had the same problem that we have had trying to run a concrete business, that is trying to keep track of costs in order to make a profit and the fact that sometimes people just don't pay what they say that they will.

So while he was working with his uncle, he would sometimes not get paid. Thus it was difficult to pay our bills because the income wasn't steady.

I actually went to school sometimes because we got grant money that helped to pay our rent. Good thing I liked school. My mom helped me through it by watching my kids, it was a hard thing to do really but I needed to do it. (and I liked it, too).

Then because he wasn't getting paid, he decided to run his own business, he has terrible business sense. He copied what he thought he needed (like cell phones for all of his employees) and other kind of interesting theories on what he needed until he ended up running up our bills.

Well that did not turn out very fun, no siree not at all. We were broke, I was pregnant, we were kicked out of our apartment, so we moved in with my parents until I found the place we are in now. (It was only for about a week, I really beat the bushes looking for this place. 3 bedrooms and a big back yard).

I finished my degree in Behavioral Science (an AS) then got to work on a Bachelor of Science in Accounting. (Which I finished in 2006)

He started working for his cousin, his cousin had a bit of business sense, since he went to school. The economy was good so they were all doing well.

Then Sam thought he could do better with someone else so he started working with another guy, he did do well, Sam is really good at concrete work. The company he was working for payed him well and regularly. It was great!!

So for quite a while, up until the end of 2007 we had a nice steady income that was enough to meet our needs and we started to put money away (in a 401(K)).

Then 2008 happened, well actually November 2007. I could sort of see it coming so I had been doing seemingly strange things like spending money on a Vita-Mix (Life saver, grinds all my gluten free grains), and other useful things that have really been good to have around (like a water filter that can filter lake water if we need it too). It was sort of stressful doing that but I am glad that I did.

November 2007 Sam was laid off, they thought it was only temporary, but... our savings held out for a while. Then we cashed out our 401 (K) (when it was about 3/4 of what we put into it, but still we got something. Being an accounting student I hated doing it because I have studied the behavior of the stock market and I know that over the long run it would have recovered and blah, blah, blah... i'm almost ready to disregard every accounting lesson I have ever learned... Lots of disillusion over here in regards to the industry. Anyone else feel that way?)

So last year Sam decided to run his own business again. He made a deal with a lot of people, used poor judgement and got stuck with a really big bill... I tried to tell him, Dad tried to tell him, but he didn't listen. Now... after begging me to forgive him for it, (and a few other things) we have been faltering around looking for a way to survive.

So this is what I have come up with. Going back to school, yes I could do it myself... I would love to go back to school and get the degree. But Sam is my husband, so he needs to be the one.

He has always liked sports and the program for becoming a Personal Trainer sounded like the most reasonable course for him to take. It didn't have nearly the amount of classes that some of the other courses require and a lot of it involves working out.

He has wanted to go into criminal justice, but the course work really is a lot, he will be able to use this degree in so many other ways, working with the police in training, or at the hospital, or with the athletic department of our local university or at a gym like he will originally do.

Plus I get a bonus, I get to read his textbooks to help him interpret them. I am extremely excited about it, I really would have liked to do this program myself since I am really interested in health and fitness. (Something that I have been working on for a long time).

The local Gyms need a lot of people, he will need to get a separate certificate to get working right away. (Which costs about $550.00, and takes about 5 weeks to complete) then he can start working. He could just do that and not go to school (which is expensive about $13,000) but I think that it will be good for him if he does go to school and it will give us something to work together on, hopefully giving us a more common experience.

He has felt in the past that I think more than him, that I look down on him. I haven't really, he's smart in certain ways that I am not. If he goes to school though it will help him in this regard.

In some ways this is a really scary thing to be doing. We don't have money to rely on, though we are getting unemployment and food stamps, but we have to do something.

He has not been able to get a job, though there is some concrete work coming up (I am having mixed feelings about it, supposedly its another sure thing) he is supposed to be working with a company, some kind of deal where his brother and he will get paid by the hour until the end of the contract, then they will get a share of the profits. A few things I am worried about are renewing his contractors license, getting him insured again (which has been expensive), thinking about how he will handle people who will inevitably show up to "help." (Last year he had a lot of relatives and friends show up and start working because they were out of work and he felt obligated to pay them... so he did, over cost...). I really, really don't like concrete work right now... but he could do it, and go to school at night, gah!! It's a frustrating thing.

Letting go of the wall, to swim out to the deep end. Hoping that this will be the answer to all of the struggles and misunderstandings. The needed job, the self esteem, the chance to work together and bond... I hope.

So that's what's going on... I am excited and now I am going to get to work. :o)

(Plus concrete work is so unhealthy for the laborer, the convenience store food, the long hours in the sun... and I can use what I learn as well, maybe even getting a certificate as well, just in case).