Now on to my goals...

I have been goal setting again (again you might ask?) yes again... I always seem to be trying to set and keep goals.

The process goes like this, I write everything that I want to accomplish out, then I take this list and try to divide up my time in order to work on my goals. I schedule everything out, drive myself bananas then give up.

So this time I am taking a saner approach to it all. I've written everything out, then identified what is most important to me and that is what I will focus on. I tried to schedule no more than 3 hrs. everyday for working on goals, I will be lucky if I actually get 1 hour each day. Yet now that I know where I am going I think that little bits of work on the goals will get me to where I want to go.

So here are the main goals;

Learn how to write well, study grammar and spelling, learn Tongan (then perhaps another language), learn how to draw and paint well, how to take great photo's, how to play the piano and guitar. Then there are a bunch of things I am interested in so I just made a list of those to work on when I can...

Yes, yes I know this is all so interesting and all. Yet it helps to make it public that I am working on goals, it might just be the extra incentive that I need to actually do it.

So I was able to get on our keyboard (we have a piano but it is out of tune) and play around a bit (5 min.) before R came to take over.

So I've gone upstairs to try practicing the guitar (that I have had since I was about 14 or 15). I have tried exploring the book that my dad used to teach himself, yet didn't focus on it so I didn't get very far. I have a print out of chords that I got from girls camp oh so long ago and from which I actually did practice from then.

The only thing that I really hate about trying to learn the guitar is how my fingers hurt, became numb, and I never practiced consistently enough to develop calluses so that I suppose is the reasoning behind my failure at it. Though there are other reasons (excuses) being that I have four kids, I was in school and/or work (at one point). I'm gonna go pick it up again (after I distract R and get her off of my lap) ;D

So ya' here are my goals, I have tons of interests as well but I can't focus on too much.

(Ah, and now R is singing, maybe I should just make a goal to learn a bunch of kids songs and sing along with her... Her songs usually go like this, hmm, hm,hm, g,g,g, ga ga ga and then she can get really enthusiastic and start dancing and drumming as well!)

Time Capsule Goals

A Goal that I set at about 15 years of age...

Class assignment, answer these questions

What do you want to accomplish in your life?

I want to rid myself of as many bad habits as possible

Do you want your life to make a statement?

Yes I do

What is it?

That through reflection and careful choices, you can overcome great odds and be the best person that is possible.

I ran across this today, thought it was interesting.

Howdy All!!

Today, at about 10:26 am I realised... that Sam had the car and that I had an appointment for Angela at 11:00. I had missed the last one and feeling foolish I decided that we must make this appointment or die trying!! So we got on the newly fixed bikes (thanks Sam) and started out.

All was fine, a nice sunny day, lovely... then we came to the hill up to Orem. I asked Angie if they walk their bikes up the hill, nah, they ride them up. So I decided to try. :D:D:D Yep best decision I have ever made in my life. ;p

So about a quarter of the way up my heart, muscles, etc... all gave out and I was left panting while Angela leisurely peddled her way along. (How could she the wretch?) I got off the bike and walked!! Drank some water, and kept going.

We did make it to the appointment, and in a reasonable amount of time. SO it was worth it!! But I have decided that I need to exercise more (get off the extra pounds that I have been avoiding losing). ;p

Goal 18 pounds (though I would look alright if I lost 8).

Hmmm, to post or not to post a before picture, that is the question? I have one, it's not too bad, but still...

Alrighty, I will go with this one (notice how tall my daughter is!! 5'3" at 11 yrs. of age. I am only 5'3" (and 3/4...;p)!! Even my little sister towers over me at 5'6" or something like that, I have lost track with her ;p)

Defining Happiness

This is what I need to be happy.

A roof over my head, it doesn't matter how large as long as everyone has their space. We live in a 3 bedroom duplex with a large back yard.

A place to garden. I have a large back yard, I and I intend to make some nice gardens this year. I would also like to set up a place for chickens and I love to find way's to avoid waste and create independence from the government. I want to buy a solar oven that my friend told me about, but I think my dad could create one with sheet metal if I figured out the design. That's one thing I want to try and do with him. I want to set up some kind of clothes line to dry my clothes but I am a bit worried about relying on the weather and the yucky air that we have around here. I want to plant absolutely everything that I can that will stick around and continue to produce year after year, like peach, pear and apple trees. Also of course, a big patch of strawberries. I want to be able to can everything that I can but I know that is going to depend on my ability to buy the bottles and my ability to find the space to store everything (maybe under the bed?).

Time to think. I would love to just work on things that involve my skill set. I can cook and I think I have talent as a gluten free baker. I can write, I think I have talent but I know that I need to read a whole lot more in order for my writing skills to develop more. I like to draw but I don't make time for it. I love to read, but get distracted by all there is to read. I also enjoy scanning in photos and working on family history, but I frequently put this off as well since I have to work on other things.

Of course, I also love being a mom. I like to help my kids but sometimes get stressed out about all that I need to do. Mostly about how I can sort out what happened last year and figure out what I can do this year to help us survive. I plan on utilizing the public library and teaching them as much as possible, I hope they can become well educated and avoid the situation that I am in.

Lastly I know we need money, in order to stay where we are and to move forward. I want to avoid the need for too much money, I plan on buying stuff at yard sales and the like and I am happy with that. At least it keeps things out of dumpsters and reduces the great burden of stuff that people have over accumulated. Plus for some reason I find clothes that look better on me at yard sales than at the store. I also want to develop food storage and 72 hr. kits.

So basically, if I didn't have to worry about money, I would figure out how to write books, develop gluten free and healthy recipe's, and I would set up my house in a sustainable way and tell the government to shove it. That would be happiness to me.

It takes a village...

My friend Eco Grrl brought up the differnce in mentality between these two view points, "It takes a village to raise a child," and "Every man for himself." On the one hand is collaboration and I think the least amount of waste, and on the other is selfishness and a lot of excess. On a small scale I often will cook dinner and I will think it very good and I know a bunch of my friends would like it, but sometimes my kids just won't eat it, or I just cook too much. I try to use leftovers, but... they often get thrown out. But how do I share that? Maybe I need to pay more attention, not buy more than we need (veggies thrown out because they have wilted), call up the neighbors and ask them if they have had dinner yet and if they would like to share some of mine (I did this once, I should do it more often). There are collaborative groups that plan dinners, make schedules and cook for each other on one night of the week. That's great but not everyone likes that kind of a situation and people in that kind of group need to be open minded and have similar expectations about health and cooking. In my case, I would need a group of crazed foodies that like to cook gluten free, sometimes raw, absolutely no refined foods. I have 1 friend that fits the category, their may be others nearby, maybe I should put the idea out there and see who bites. The thing is, there are a lot of collaborative options out there. Like Craigslist and I even know of a yahoogroup called freecycle where people give away their random stuff for free to keep it out of dumpsters. I was thinking about community gardens, I am not sure how they work exactly, but as for myself it would be really hard to work on something like that and then not see the fruit of my labor. That is where the difficulty in collaboration comes up. Who benefits from the garden? Theoretically all of us, but what if you are planning on a garden salad and you want a tomato and cucumber that have been growing then you go to pick them and they are gone? That is the difficulty that people have, that I have. It is a little bit hard to lose that "control" over what you are doing. I would think about how much labor that I am putting into it, about how much labor others are putting into it. How do you divide the produce evenly... I guess that if people worked together, then a community garden could work. People sign up for 1/2 hour - 1 hour time slots and they pull weeds and prune then they are entitled to x amount of pounds of produce for x amount of time, anyone out there with experience on this? What I am thinking about though is what happens when disasters strike, hurricane Katrina and et al. is a good example. I watched a new's report with John Stosal (sic?) reporting, he pointed out the problem with government run programs. An amusing example was an ice skating rink. He showed us the difference between "organized" skating and the natural way people organize themselves. First of all he had people just go out and skate. They naturally fell into a pattern based on ability. People who couldn't skate very well hung near the walls and went slower. People who could skate faster hung near the middle and looked ahead to avoid those who couldn't skate well. Some people helped others to skate. Then he had an "expert" ice skater get up with a blow horn to shout out directions. It confused people, the ones who could skate well slowed down or ignored him, the ones who couldn't skate well got turned around. People started to fall over each other. In other words it didn't work. Then he pointed out the difference between the governments "rebuilding" after Katrina programs and private citizen rebuilding. The districts where the government is in charge are not rebuilt, only a very few people are able to meet the requirements, there are like 10 or so different forms. Even the lawyers that they brought in to sort them out couldn't do it, let alone any ordinary citizen. Then they showed us whole neighborhoods that had been built in under a month by people like Brad Pitt and Habitat for humanity. It is also amazing to me to see doctors and dentists who previously vollunteered in third world country's vollunteering in America. I ask, how well does the government run any program? The answer has always been aparent, not well at all. So in this current climate, with President Obama in charge, I do see some things that are intriguing idea's that he has brought into play. He did ask for a large amount of money, but he has also set up a web site for ordinary people to watch what happens to that money, will it work? He is apparently reaching out and it is clear he is trying to do things differently. I think he did mention in his inaggural speach that we need to work together. Well we need to, there is no other way but letting people fall by the wayside. Even I, and I have no money, can work with others. I will garden, I can share the bounty. I will sew bags for my shopping (I bought some drawstring bags online for vegetables but when I got them I think the fabric is like pillow cases, so I am going to refashion some). I can watch my neighbors little kids if she needs to work (as long as I can). Collaboration can work, we need more of it. I am also thinking that it is my duty to be more involved in the political process. I was really into it before the election, but the ferver died down a bit and so did my sense of urgency. But really I should be learning more about government and how to be involved. Because, as they say evil will win if good men do nothing.

THE SUN!!

Life feels so much better when the sun is out!! Yesterday, the sun was shining like a beacon of hope. Hope that spring was on the way, that we can do something outside again. (It's raining today but that is alright with me).

This year is the year of the garden, beautiful organic garden. I'm going to make it work and make it the best one that I have ever had. Last year was an experiment, we tried out square foot gardening and put the boxes up against the fence. Unfortunantly morning glory grew up under the gardens and popped out everywhere and no matter how many times I pulled it just came back. The only garden that was "spared" quite a bit was the one that my dad made about 8" high instead of 6." SO I am going to double up the boxes that we already have so that will make them about 12" high and were going to get more boxes to spread the love around ya know.

I also have plans to build a little shelf off of our kitchen window (the bottom half of our duplex is about 6' down) that way I can open it up and "cook" with a little solar oven that I have plans to get and not waste energy using our oven all the time.

Maybe I can find a way to make a clothes line in the back yard as well (wouldn't that be "swell?" My ancestors wouldn't have thought so, would yours?)

It's funny, last year when gas was over $4 a gallon, I bought this push lawn mower. It's an antique really, but it worked. The blades are dull though, I think I will take them to the local knife sharpener and have them sharpen them up. The neighbors have been using it since they are getting a little discount on the rent to take care of the yard, but it's not much so the gas on the lawn mower kind of eats up the money.

Something that's funny about the way things grow around here is that things start out managable in spring, everything keeps in it's respectable place, but about mid-summer the plants explode and there is green everywhere. Then suddenly everything starts to die off and it becomes cold, fall and winter show up and everything shuts down again. GLORIOUS!!

The Future...

Well, I have felt really good lately. I always do when I get things more organized and things slow down a little bit. I have cleared out my room quite a bit, got it set up for possible sewing projects in the future, and I also set it up so that I can teach and learn better. Now that I have come to grips with things in the past and also current happenings I can take them on and deal with them. Uncertainty has alway's been my worst enemy. I guess that I have been chanelling the general mood of the US as well, we were in a turmoil last year trying to figure out who should be president, and now the mood is that of resolution and reorganization. As for the new president, I am glad that there is a new president. There is going to be change and I appreciate the way he seems to be careful and thoughtful (rather than rash like Bush seemed to be). I am also glad to have this turning point in American history where we have freely elected a Black man to the presidency, though I don't put too much importance on that since politics to me is more important. I want to get an idea about who this man is and what to expect from him, I am sure many Americans are experiencing the same sensation. It feels good to have a focus and to have things to think about. :0)

What will I be when I grow up?

Alright it is a new year and I now have a new lease on life. As painful as it was, I have said goodbye to 2008 (note the sarcasm because 2008 was a real nail bitter for me).

I am feeling more like myself than I have for a while. This is partially due to the fact that I am not panicking anymore because I threw out almost everything in my cupboards and didn't know what to eat. It is also because I have decided to allow myself to be imperfect and be happy in the creating of life.

SO what do I want to be when I grow up? First of all, the biggest goal that I have is to be a lady like my Grandmother was. She dressed so simply but she alway's seemed to be elegant and beautiful. Maybe it was her beautifully coifed hair and always done makeup and beautiful manicured nails. I refuse though to coif my hair, I cannot stand manicured nails, but I think I can deal with makeup (a bit). As you all know if you have read my blog, I am somwhat of a gypsy and my apperance matches that most of the time.

Part of being a lady though is being lady like. That involves more than a straight back and a groomed appearance. To me being a lady involves being tactful in your speech to others and being mindful of what you say about others.

So along with being a lady, I would also like to be a writer. I don't know if I could be disciplined enough to sit down and write a whole book, but I do like to write, especially passionate short bursts of thought.

I also want to make a better habit of reading good books, including the standard works, because I hate to be bored with my own thoughts. I have been feeling too much of that lately (darn 2008). But no more!! Now all I need is a good mind expanding book to read and think about.

It would be great if I didn't have to work but if I do end up having to work I pray that it is with a good company and that I can still continue to teach my kids. I really have to figure out my Resume though because right now it really sucks.

I had a good day with my little son today BTW. We did his reading, writing and arithmetic. Then I started reading to him from Charlottes Web and we studied rain/snow, prisms and snowflakes. It was great!!

Anyway, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but at least I know I don't want to be old. I know the years will come, but I don't want my outlook on life to become stale, grumpy and old. So here is to 2009, may I grow younger as I get older.

~Strawberry Girl