Scared but Moving Forward

Today I took another brave step and went back to Toastmasters. I was writing a nice speech about ideas but it wasn't nearly polished enough for me to give it so I feel back on poetry as my theme. This went over well enough, I knew that I couldn't bore them reciting excerpts from "The Raven" or Rudyard Kiplings poem "If." I've read these poems enough to not stumble over much over the words... I was cheating a little bit though going this route. I have decided that even though my tongue feels like I've touched it to a 9 volt battery and I feel like I've ran a race after every speech I've given that I should keep going to Toastmasters. I need the discipline of actually writing and editing speeches and I need the practice of getting up to talk in front of people. I am introverted so these types of challenges are very draining and I need a lot of time to recharge after them, but perhaps by continuing I can improve my presence of mind when talking to other people. I've figured out that I am perfectly fine chatting with people but after a few non-challant sentences I run out of things to say. That's when my brain freezes up and I panic. This is the biggest single thing that has kept me from progressing at work. I see certain flaws/weaknesses in myself like this and know that I can't will them away from reading a book and no amount of interesting Youtube videos on charisma will help me unless I interact with people more consistently both on a casual basis and formally as well. So Toastmasters it is!

SG

Small Bits of Writing

All I want to do is write a bit, just a bit.

Write a line or two about the things that I don't understand, but want to.

Like prejudice and racism. Bigotry and misogyny.

What makes people boring?

The 9 Most Boring Behaviors

1. Negative Egocentrism
2. Banality
3. Low affectivity
4. Tediousness
5. Passivity
6. Self-Preoccupation
7. Seriousness

I have been exploring what it means to let go of the things that I have thought I have needed to do in order to focus on what I really have wanted to do for a long time.

Ever see those shows where people have been brainwashed and set before their computers, all they do is type, type, type all day and that is all they know. Well, that's how I feel most days.

There's an inner struggle occurring in my head every day. That's probably the problem, I want to do something else but I'm stuck here.

I relinquish you from striving to become anything but yourself. No more fretting about accomplishing things that bring you misery, now and forever your 1 task is to love what you are doing.

My thoughts, my mind, my dreams

7/25/14

I find it slightly ironic that I have spent the last 6 years of my life eschewing the opinion of doctors, exploring avenues of natural healing, only to find that I am at last wrapping myself around the cutting edge of scientific discovery to find the answers.

Within this realm there are many points of view on what is efficacious. There are herbalists, who heal with herbs, observable results (observable side effects) and there are "homeopathic healers" who heal with placebos (the mind is powerful but not all encompassing, the placebo effect only goes so far).

If Pain Were a Currency

I feel like pain does teach us that each drop of blood we shed is a

7/27/2014

When your personal space has been violated, when you have been physically assaulted in some way, it is not just the act in and of itself that is traumatizing.

-Facing the perpetrator
-Reporting the perpetrator to the police - repeating what has been done in the cold impersonal court house or police building.
-Being given mounds of paperwork, mounds of "helpful" pamplets, with a confusing array of "helpful" places to go.
-Getting shots for STD's because your attacker might have one.
-Finding out that

4/4/2014

How can I make this work for me? I cleared out a lot of the clutter in my room, I get overwhelmed by clutter. Irrational sometimes about it. I don't know what else I could add or take away from my diet/life in order to make that feeling go away. It's hard to focus sometimes.

Maybe I need to give up my habit of eating yogurt every day. I've given up milk before and sometimes I notice that my head gets cleared up and other times I don't even notice a difference.

12/15/2013

I have a tendency to not say, what I need to say. I guess it's me trying to protect myself from harm, but it ends up being hurtful.

Notes from the day: 12/3/13

The problem exists and the only way to get rid of the problem is to be away from the problem.

This must not occur, this must occur

She asked 'you are in love, what does love look like' to which I replied 'everything I've ever lost, come back to me.' ― Nayyirah Waheed

11/25/13

I joined up with "Toastmasters" several months ago with the laudable purpose of improving my speaking skills.

Unfortunately I hit a brick wall, ironically, with the first assignment. To speak about myself. I did end up giving a speech about myself, it was strained and dry... basic facts about my birthplace, size of family, where I went to school... about being married to a Tongan and divorced. About going to school for a bachelors degree, yet loving English and my longing to spend my time writing instead of with booking orders.

The speech I should have given.

For the most part I am not a shy person. Shyness is a coverall term for someone who is unable to express themselves to others. I used shyness as an easy explanation for my inability to speak while growing up.

11/24/13

Most of what I think stays up in my mind as an opinion, unshared. Which is probably for the best since I don't believe human beings could get very far if they blurted every thought out...

But the habit is not useful when I should speak and don't. I think part of the problem is that it is a felt thought. An emotion tied up with restraint. A lot of times I don't want to be responsible for the chain of events that will end something that needs to end, but that I will feel guilt and sadness over... and remorse.

This is my filtered blog. What I wont show to the world. A place where I can speak my mind without fear of judgement.

Relationships

Do I miss having them around? Do I feel like there's a gap in my day-to-day routine because of their absence? Am I relishing my alone time? Do I feel more like myself, like I can breathe again? "Depending on your answers to these questions, you'll know if 'taking a break' has been a stepping stone to a stronger, better relationship, or if it's the first step towards an impending breakup,"

For quite some time I have been grappling with two main issues which are getting the kids to clean and figure out what to make for dinner. I believe that my problems have stemmed from what is known as the "Executive Control" center in the brain. Which is located in the frontal lobe. I was in a state of perpetual planning but not able to follow through with my plans.

One of the most important things you can learn about yourself is how you learn. Do you learn better in groups or on your own? In the morning or the evening? By listening, writing, or teaching?ring out what to make for dinner.

Why is it that I have a dozen things to talk about, but cannot form the questions when I have a moment to bring them up with someone? It is a tragedy!

I had to leave Ajey as well, I wanted it to work but more and more I felt that it wouldn't.

5/18/13

My life is full of good days interspersed by the craziness that is living. I have so many things just sitting around my house that I'm hanging on to but don't really need.

Why is it that I have a dozen things to talk about, but cannot form the questions when I have a moment to bring them up with someone? It is a tragedy!

3/6/2013

So, we may or may not end up in Hawaii over spring break... depending upon how much the cost. We shall see, it's all up to Sam at the moment.

I woke up slightly earlier today, put together stuff for a pot roast, put it in the slow cooker. I'm going to leave work early and go to see the mummies at the Leonardo museum in SLC with John, that's going to be fun.

Jan 30, 2013

I worked from home today which was somewhat good and somewhat bad.

It's nice to chill on my couch and to at least SOMEWHAT be here while my kids are here. I say somewhat because for the most part I'm tied down with work.

The bad, burning my dinner because I'm wrapped up on a project. I'm VERY happy I stuck with it and got it done though...

Jan 14, 2013

I get jealous pretty easily, it's not cool really. Just seeing pictures of Ajey with friends or family... or today a picture of him smiling, happy, seemingly not a care in the world made me feel jealous, especially when some random girl commented and he was super friendly to her.

Jan 4, 2013

Dating is a strange concept to me. Meet up with someone, make sure you don't scare them away by telling them your life history haha ;), chat about random generalities... keep meeting up until you decide you want to have a relationship... hmmm I think that's how it works.

For me relationships tend to go from "Hi, you're cute" to "Let's get married" which is sort of unnerving.

Dec 26, 2012

I've been watching "Merlin." It is all about life, death, honor and friendship. That's what I like about it.

Unknown

What is important? It's important to me to figure out at the moment what I really want out of life. Am I expecting too much? Am I hoping for too much? It seems my life has been a process of letting go of old expectations.

What I want in a relationship. I want a mutually strong and balanced relationship. I am comfortable with myself as a woman, a beautifully secure woman. I value intelligence, spiritual, emotional, physical and intellectual intelligence. If the man I'm considering seems shallow, it's a deal breaker, it's a no go.

I am a storyteller, I love stories about myths, legends, personal stories. I love the intimacy of sharing stories.

Dreaming Oddly as of Late

My dreams seem to have common themes. Water, babies, my children, driving to escape the apocalyptic floods. Also trying to find a place to get dressed... awkward.

In a recent combination of events I was struggling to maintain a spot on top of a hill where I was trying to keep me and the kids safe from the oncoming floods.

What can I say in the middle of the day, in the middle of interrupted thoughts and no answers to questions I wish I knew to ask?

For instance:

While under the influence of "Sesame" (I think the cause) I had the feeling of being high. I felt like I could run very easily and in fact my lungs were open and I could take in a great quantity of air. I felt like my nerves were tingling. Every feeling was deepened, I felt great sorrow, great joy. My taste buds were super sensitive, I had some ice-cream and it was like heaven. I could feel life force emanating from my fingers, feet, into the ground. But I was sensitive to light (it gave me a great headache) and I had a hard time keeping track of time. Plus I was uninhibited, I just plopped down right in the middle of the floor wherever I was and would change my daughters diaper (in the middle of the Optometrists office). 

Who am I without my beliefs? Who am I if I feel nothing?

Court of Miracles men who play at cards. Perth Western Australia. As he is, a man who speaks with high minded dignity, yet with an inelegant tongue, resembling the combination of French and slurred English.

Sep 4, 2011

Blogging is a somewhat odd method of sharing thoughts, communicating ideas, communing in general. For me the easiness with which I share my thoughts has seemed to vacillate between two extremes, saying a lot or saying very little. It is a world stage, anyone could be reading at any moment, thus for me being on stage in this way can be quite the deterrent.

Plus I have a difficulty with putting into words thoughts that are personal.

I've had an odd week, at times relieved because I've been focusing more on my kids, at times perturbed with myself...

May 13, 2011 Talking with Ila Jones Sometimes I have these moments of realization,

Mar 17, 2011 Silence, Sometimes I just feel like being silent. It is not as though there are no words to say, it's just that I've said them, and don't know what else to say.

Jun 27, 2010
Some things can't be rushed, though impatience often comes to bear sway.
Life gathers like the dews on the grass in the morning, condensing into droplets, a fine mist evaporating with the sun.
Yet we would like to speed things up, perhaps fill a spray bottle and spray the grass... make things happen.

May 31, 2010 One of my greatest weaknesses, is not being able to prevent hurt to others...

Jan 20, 2010

The beauty of moving forward

As of late I've realized that staying in one place is not an option, in life you are either moving forward or you are falling back.

I used to make big goals, big plans, and I wasn't unrealistic about them as I knew they would take quite a bit of work but somewhere along the line

Nov 26, 2009 The other fun thing about today is our odd way of sticking somewhat absurd

My heart goes out to the victims and the families of the Fort Hood Shooting. What a tragedy

Oct 19, 2009

Religion, decisive, a uniter, a guidance, the heart of lives.

John Lenons song asks us to imagine there is no heaven,


Jul 23, 2009

There is an hour when all of your hopes and wishes meet, some powerful force which looks down on mortal will and decides that the time is right, now, for you to choose your destiny.

You have searched, often led by circumstance and fancy


Apr 8, 2009

Advertisements For Odd Stuff

In my family we have odd conversations around the dinner table on Sunday. We amuse ourselves by coming up with advertisements for radom stuff.

Here is but a few of the many wonderful things that have yet to be invented...

Better Butter

"If you like butter, you'll like butter better, you'll like Better Butter in a can!!"

Apr 6, 2009

Funny, funny, funny!!

Out in the jungles off of the Australian continent, on Elko Island, lives an aboriginal tribe of hunters. Very primitive peoples who's day to day life is much the same way as their ancestors, they use many of the same methods and tools in order to hunt and survive.

Australians gathered in droves to "Australia's Got Talent" to see the magnificent display of their tribal talent.

Perhaps they may dance an ancient tribal war dance? Who knows. With clay covered bodies they prepare to amaze...

Apr 5, 2009

The night had been long, it was as if someone had come along to snatch the sleep out of her brain. Laying there her thoughts naturally turn to things that she wanted to write about, her mind composing stories easily, revising, compiling on and on. She snatch up the pillow, disgruntled at it, plump it up and then laid head down again, still finding that her head is painfully devoid of sleep. Listening to the white noise of the box fan by the window, she opens her eyes to stare blankly at the ceiling. The air is so dry, her throat is parched but she refuses to get out of bed. She turns slightly


Apr 5, 2009 I Like Anne of Green Gables

I am a lot like Anne of Green Gables. The beautiful heroine of Lucy Maude Montgomery's books about a young orphan girl that was adopted by a spinster lady "Marilla" and her brother "Matthew."

Anne is very fanciful, very romantic. She is enraptured a lot by things and certain people. In fact people that she likes she calls "Kindred Spirits," she is very loyal and caring. Anne is very connected with nature, she loves trees, flowers, rivers...

Sometimes Anne gets carried away, she sometimes talks too much or say's things she shouldn't say and it is hard for people to understand her.

Anne is stuborn, Anne is passionate, she works very hard to learn and do things. Sometimes she is foolish but she always means well.

and so do I...

Here are links to my favorite parts, You-Tube won't let you embed some of them...

Anne reading "The Lady of Chalotte"

Anne meets Matthew - She tells him that she would have slept in the cherry tree if he hadn't of come (a very romantic notion) and then talks continuously until they get to Green Gables.

Anne breaks her slate over Gilbert Blithe's head. (Don't you just love her green hair, that's how I feel when I dye my hair. Yikes!!)

Anne Hanging from the bridge. (After playing "The Lady of Challote")

Reciting "The Highway Man" at the White Sands hotel. (About Mid-Way through it).

Megan Follows Audition - She has such charming expressions and way about her.

A little piece of writing from 1/9/2011

Somehow hide the dark shadows under the covers in a corner of your room, there they will stay if no one takes a peek and you'd better hope that they won't because there are the knives, there are the nails, there lies the twisting prickling pain. It is better that it stays hidden, for who knows what might happen if unleashed, who knows?

The birds caw and call to each other, there outside in the cold frozen world. They are little warm bodies in motion, flying about before the heat leaves them, while the sun shines.

There in the ice crystal hunting grounds lies the bounty they seek, life teeming in hidden hollows. For what does it seem to be, this life? The anesthetic hides the truth, that life is pain.

Spicy burning wood scents the air, nostalgia for something, a promise from yesterday, a renewal, a destruction?

The Tale of Vasalisa and introducing my Evil Step Sisters

Some thoughts from reading "Women Who Run with Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I first published this 8/9/2011.

This is a deeply spiritual book, not religious, but spiritual. Clarissa Pinkola Estes has gathered stories from all over the world and touches the deepest part of the psyche of Women which is a healing salve to those of us with broken spirits and those of us who want to grow.

This is the tale of Vasalisa in part

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasilisa_the_Beautiful

This is the better version, though not quite as Ms. Estes describes as she mentions that the doll warns Vasalisa of danger and guides  her thus representing Vasalisas intuition.

http://www.oldrussia.net/vas.html

In the tale, Vasalisas mother dies, but before doing so she bequeaths a doll to Vasalisa telling her to feed it and care for it and that it will bless her.

In Ms. Estes interpretation the mothers death represents our overprotective mother which we all have to let go of at some time.

The second task deals with the rotten stepfamily, step mother and step sisters who make it inconvenient for someone who is too nice. For being too nice creates a burden for the too nice person, they become slaves.

So I need to become familiar with "one's own shadow nature, particularly the exlusionary, jealous, and exploitative aspects of self (the stepmother and stepsisters)." "Letting the pressure build between who one is taught to be and who one really is. Ultimately working toward letting the old self die and the new intuitive self be born."

Estes points out that "in this stage of initiation, a woman is harassed by the petty demands of her psyche which exhort her to comply with whatever anyone wishes. Compliance causes a shocking realization that must be registered by all women. That is, to be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves. (A) tormenting tension (that) must be borne... the choice is clear."

I've not understood this aspect of myself, why I have been complying with "whatever anyone wishes." In a sense I have cast myself away, hated myself for my compliance, doubted my ability to make wise decisions. I recall clearly saying yes when I wanted to say no.

Estes calls this being "disenfranchised," treated as an outsider, being an outcast. The outcast usually being the one who is most deeply connected to the knowing nature.

I have a lot to do to overcome my "Evil Step Sisters" so to speak.

SG

Alchemy

I have been reading The Alchemist

Who is this person that I am trying to become? I have been yearning after this self image for quite some time, my whole life.

It is simply that I want to be beautiful, poised, capable and confident. I want order.

What do I want in a relationship, to be understood. I want to have mutual understanding as well.

The weakness that I perceive to be my biggest is the difficulty that I've had in communicating well. The second most difficult for me is consistency. 

Projects

I love projects! Ever since I was a little girl I was always up to something (some would say "up to no good"). Have you ever built a Rube Goldberg machine? I think they are so much fun to design and build, so time consuming but so satisfying. I created a gumball machine out of cardboard and car tracks, I was a bit obsessed with gumball machines when I was little. My brother and I created a magic box out of a refrigerator box, we stacked a smaller box on top and put in a "trap" door, so much fun! I created a pulley system between my window and my friends in the neighboring window, so that we could pass things back and forth in a basket. It was so much fun! I hated to wake up in the morning so I built a pulley system out of thumb tacks and string so that I could turn the light off after my mom had turned it on. Sadly the boat my brother and I created out of 2x4's and plywood couldn't even be moved let alone float on the river (as we hoped) but it did become the platform for our rope swing later on. There has always been something energizing about coming up with new things to do. My youngest brother and I recently started to record some things together, he is in the audio engineering program at UVU and I just think it would be awesome to record music and voice-over's, so we make a good team. Last fall, when I found myself in a situation of needing to get a new home, I kept my eye out for one with a bit of extra space. We were in the middle of the Year End crunch time when a link came through from my relator to a Condo in Orem that I could afford with 2,200 sq ft., so I pull it up and start glancing through the pictures. First of all I was attracted to the small piece of land behind the condo, space for a garden! Then I came across the picture of the 'bonus room' and I was convinced that this was the place for me! So I call up my relator, he gets me an appointment to see the place that night, I get there and walk through it and the whole time my little checklist of things that I want in a home are being marked off… the only thing I didn't like was the flooring in the upstairs and the kitchen. The 'bonus room' was exactly what I was looking for, I could see the potential for a recording space right away. Plus the rest of the space would be perfect for a little dance studio for my son. He dances Break Dance and Hip-Hop. So I put in an offer, it was accepted and I ended up with my very first condo! Then it came time to get everything, I was a fanatic for a while there, researching and gathering all of the pieces together. Now that my space has been created, and I can explore this new opportunity to learn how to speak. On to my next project, I don't know what it will be yet, but I know it will be fun!

Qualities I Want in the Person I Date, aspire to Myself:

I'm clearing out my drafts folder on my blog and noticed this list which I found some time ago. I think the sentiments still apply, though I realize no one is perfect and that these are aspirational  qualities and not necessarily characteristics that someone is going to have in completeness.

1. Takes excellent care of his body. (This means no drugs, addictions, or unsafe practices.)

2. Great relationship with family and friends. Treats all people with respect. 

3. Integrity and responsibility: they do what they say and don't blame others. They are solution-oriented instead of problem-oriented. 

4. Secure in themselves. A good idea of who they are and what they want. They don't have to chase after others' attention or cheap thrills. They don't have to brag or be arrogant either. They resist the urge to make others jealous. 

5. Open and giving. Able to give compliments and tell people how they feel. Not self-centered.

6. Over their exs and can be mature enough to be alone. 

7. Has had solid relationships in the past and understands you can have loved and still needed a change. Someone who has forgiven their past and can forgive mine. 

8. Someone with passion and drive who also gets excited about my passions. 

9.  A joyful person, with a moral compass, who radiates genuine well-being and positivity. 

10. Brave enough to be vulnerable.

The role of sentiment...

Sentiment is a tug at our heartstrings, it can bring a tear to the eye, a wistfulness for what once was, it can leave an unsatisfactory feeling of regret of "Could have been" or "Should have been."

Sentiment can bring on flights of fancy, imagining a nostalgic world where the perfect home and life exists... blooming ideals. Somehow life as it is can break your heart, if it is too far off from sentimental dreams.

Sentimental dreams can easily be snatched away in the grind of daily life. Much easier to dream of handsome dashing hero's, than to find them...

SG

In the Comfort Zone

Living life outside of the comfort zone. 

I have found that I learn the most when I push myself outside of my comfort zones.

There is a concept of order vs. chaos, order seemingly the better of the two. 

When I was a little girl I preferred nestling myself down among the chaos that was our family room/basement and creating order out of the chaos. I had this passion for organizing it all and the desire to learn about everything. Somehow I thought that I would be able to relate to people better if I knew more about things. I wanted to pause time so that I could study it all and then un-pause time to start my life. I guess the root of this is that I really like to think deeply about things and find it hard to discuss my thoughts with others until I have gotten a grasp on what I think about them. 

I am uncomfortable when I have to give an opinion about something that I haven't thought very much on. Especially if it's a hot button topic like politics. Partially this stems from a desire to not rock the boat, and partially it comes from a desire to avoid looking like an idiot and/or going against public opinion. I prefer to really state my opinions only when I have fully formed my opinions and not just go with the consensus of the crowd. I am embarrassed whenever I do state things off the cuff... 

In some ways this is a good thing, it is a measured life and I consider myself to be a reasonable person most of the time. In some ways this is a bad thing because it takes me a long time to decide what I believe to be true and in the meantime I can't pause time like I desire to so life passes by while I am on the sidelines thinking about things.

So the comfort zone, things that are outside of my comfort zone are things that disrupt my schedule or that put me into situations where I have to be assertive and somewhat spontaneous. I like to get out and do things but I like to plan to get out and do things OR do spontaneous things after I've gotten what I need to do taken care of first. 

I really have to force myself to go to team events, go down to the lunch room for lunch, or do other activities especially when I have a lot of things to do at work. 

Games People Play - How being nice can be the wrong answer.

"I have not found it helpful or effective in my relationships with other people to try to maintain a facade; to act in one way on the surface when I am experiencing something quite different underneath' - Carl Rogers

Sometimes people play "games", something like this:

Him: You've done something wrong, I am upset (but not admitting to it)
Her: I'm not sure what I did wrong, how can I make it better
Him: I'm not really upset
Her: You seem upset
Him: Not really

Her: Feels bad, not sure why or what to do about it.

Her Needs: For approval, for time alone, for calm happiness, "I must be reasonable", "I must be helpful", "I must be strong", "I must be perfect", "I must win", "I must please others."

His Needs: For reassurance, for power, "I must provoke you", "I must make you feel weak", "I must expose your flaws", "I must threaten disapproval."

How to counteract the game playing by going against some thoughts about how you have to be. When you start to think these things or feel this way think of doing the opposite.

"I must be polite"
    "I will be polite when I want to be polite"

"I must be perfect"
     "I don't have to be perfect"

If your need for harmony means that you try to keep the peace in the family, try not keeping the peace. Sometimes you need to break out of the myth that being nice is the answer to the problems you are facing.

https://uvoasis.com/events/2018/4/8/holly-robbins-how-being-nice-destroys-civil-dialogue

Third in a series on TA, offering some of the metaphors I think can be useful in conceptualizing and dealing with interactions. This third video takes a closer look at gimmicks and some different perspectives they can be viewed from — including gimmicks as faulty rules, faulty roles and faulty definitions — and then possible ways out. — Recommended TA texts: 1) Ian Stewart & Vann Joines: 'TA Today: A New Introduction To Transactional Analysis' 2) Thomas A Harris: 'I'm OK, You're OK' 3) Eric Berne: 'Games People Play' — videos in the series
TA1 — ego states and transactions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKNyF... TA2 — games theory https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOqJ4... TA3 — gimmicks TA appendix i — YouTube games https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe8Kz... TA appendix ii — religion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Eam-...

Ideas good and bad

There's something we all encounter every single day of our lives, ideas. They filter into our consciousness without us fully realizing it. Some ideas are benign, others are harmful but difficult to place so we believe they are originating from truth. We need to pause sometimes and question our thoughts, quest out to find the root and decide what is really helpful to us and what we need to discard. Sometimes this process is difficult, we might need a sounding board to help us work through difficult thoughts and decisions, that is O.K., perfectly normal.

Human Dilemma

I think that a great dilemma for human beings is that we want to have the closeness of relationships but find it difficult to intolerable to put up with other people, their foibles, their weaknesses, and all of the drama that comes into our lives from dealing with other people. Perhaps a big part of this problem stems from a great cycle of misunderstandings. Or of power plays, which preys on the weaknesses of others, the great struggle between the Haves and the Have Nots.

Some have won the gene lottery of life and have great looks and intelligence and also have had a good family to grow up in.

Then there are those of us who have struggled. Some have grown up with parents who know how to model appropriate behavior or we just didn't see it because there parents weren't there. There are some who have had the good parents but other misfortune has befallen them.

We miss the links that society used to hold to other people: Grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, it feels like we are all living such isolated lives. Society is beautiful and horrible.

Our civilization has degraded into ignorance our customs and manners have some somewhat been set aside and in other ways we've become nobler.

We declared as a people we want to be more tolerant understanding, kinder, but wishing doesn't make it so, effort on the part of many to change is the only way to get there.

maybe we need to revisit some of the niceties customs that we have set aside and embrace them especially and the spirit of showing respect to ourselves to our fellow human beings

My heart reaches out to all those who suffer from loneliness and despair, frustrating relationships, empty relationships, empty lives, if only we could find a way to love people without all of the  jealousy and insecurities and the potent sense of loss when things don't work out.