All I want to do is write a bit, just a bit.
Write a line or two about the things that I don't understand, but want to.
Like prejudice and racism. Bigotry and misogyny.
What makes people boring?
The 9 Most Boring Behaviors
1. Negative Egocentrism
2. Banality
3. Low affectivity
4. Tediousness
5. Passivity
6. Self-Preoccupation
7. Seriousness
What makes people boring?
The 9 Most Boring Behaviors
1. Negative Egocentrism
2. Banality
3. Low affectivity
4. Tediousness
5. Passivity
6. Self-Preoccupation
7. Seriousness
I have been exploring what it means to let go of the things that I have thought I have needed to do in order to focus on what I really have wanted to do for a long time.
Ever see those shows where people have been brainwashed and set before their computers, all they do is type, type, type all day and that is all they know. Well, that's how I feel most days.
There's an inner struggle occurring in my head every day. That's probably the problem, I want to do something else but I'm stuck here.
I relinquish you from striving to become anything but yourself. No more fretting about accomplishing things that bring you misery, now and forever your 1 task is to love what you are doing.
My thoughts, my mind, my dreams
7/25/14
I find it slightly ironic that I have spent the last 6 years of my life eschewing the opinion of doctors, exploring avenues of natural healing, only to find that I am at last wrapping myself around the cutting edge of scientific discovery to find the answers.
There's an inner struggle occurring in my head every day. That's probably the problem, I want to do something else but I'm stuck here.
I relinquish you from striving to become anything but yourself. No more fretting about accomplishing things that bring you misery, now and forever your 1 task is to love what you are doing.
My thoughts, my mind, my dreams
7/25/14
I find it slightly ironic that I have spent the last 6 years of my life eschewing the opinion of doctors, exploring avenues of natural healing, only to find that I am at last wrapping myself around the cutting edge of scientific discovery to find the answers.
Within this realm there are many points of view on what is efficacious. There are herbalists, who heal with herbs, observable results (observable side effects) and there are "homeopathic healers" who heal with placebos (the mind is powerful but not all encompassing, the placebo effect only goes so far).
If Pain Were a Currency
I feel like pain does teach us that each drop of blood we shed is a
7/27/2014
When your personal space has been violated, when you have been physically assaulted in some way, it is not just the act in and of itself that is traumatizing.
-Facing the perpetrator
-Reporting the perpetrator to the police - repeating what has been done in the cold impersonal court house or police building.
-Being given mounds of paperwork, mounds of "helpful" pamplets, with a confusing array of "helpful" places to go.
-Getting shots for STD's because your attacker might have one.
-Finding out that
4/4/2014
How can I make this work for me? I cleared out a lot of the clutter in my room, I get overwhelmed by clutter. Irrational sometimes about it. I don't know what else I could add or take away from my diet/life in order to make that feeling go away. It's hard to focus sometimes.
Maybe I need to give up my habit of eating yogurt every day. I've given up milk before and sometimes I notice that my head gets cleared up and other times I don't even notice a difference.
12/15/2013
I have a tendency to not say, what I need to say. I guess it's me trying to protect myself from harm, but it ends up being hurtful.
Notes from the day: 12/3/13
The problem exists and the only way to get rid of the problem is to be away from the problem.
This must not occur, this must occur
She asked 'you are in love, what does love look like' to which I replied 'everything I've ever lost, come back to me.' ― Nayyirah Waheed
11/25/13
I joined up with "Toastmasters" several months ago with the laudable purpose of improving my speaking skills.
Unfortunately I hit a brick wall, ironically, with the first assignment. To speak about myself. I did end up giving a speech about myself, it was strained and dry... basic facts about my birthplace, size of family, where I went to school... about being married to a Tongan and divorced. About going to school for a bachelors degree, yet loving English and my longing to spend my time writing instead of with booking orders.
The speech I should have given.
For the most part I am not a shy person. Shyness is a coverall term for someone who is unable to express themselves to others. I used shyness as an easy explanation for my inability to speak while growing up.
11/24/13
Most of what I think stays up in my mind as an opinion, unshared. Which is probably for the best since I don't believe human beings could get very far if they blurted every thought out...
But the habit is not useful when I should speak and don't. I think part of the problem is that it is a felt thought. An emotion tied up with restraint. A lot of times I don't want to be responsible for the chain of events that will end something that needs to end, but that I will feel guilt and sadness over... and remorse.
This is my filtered blog. What I wont show to the world. A place where I can speak my mind without fear of judgement.
Jan 4, 2013
Dating is a strange concept to me. Meet up with someone, make sure you don't scare them away by telling them your life history haha ;), chat about random generalities... keep meeting up until you decide you want to have a relationship... hmmm I think that's how it works.
For me relationships tend to go from "Hi, you're cute" to "Let's get married" which is sort of unnerving.
Dec 26, 2012
I've been watching "Merlin." It is all about life, death, honor and friendship. That's what I like about it.
Unknown
What is important? It's important to me to figure out at the moment what I really want out of life. Am I expecting too much? Am I hoping for too much? It seems my life has been a process of letting go of old expectations.
What I want in a relationship. I want a mutually strong and balanced relationship. I am comfortable with myself as a woman, a beautifully secure woman. I value intelligence, spiritual, emotional, physical and intellectual intelligence. If the man I'm considering seems shallow, it's a deal breaker, it's a no go.
I am a storyteller, I love stories about myths, legends, personal stories. I love the intimacy of sharing stories.
Sep 4, 2011
Blogging is a somewhat odd method of sharing thoughts, communicating ideas, communing in general. For me the easiness with which I share my thoughts has seemed to vacillate between two extremes, saying a lot or saying very little. It is a world stage, anyone could be reading at any moment, thus for me being on stage in this way can be quite the deterrent.
Plus I have a difficulty with putting into words thoughts that are personal.
I've had an odd week, at times relieved because I've been focusing more on my kids, at times perturbed with myself...
May 13, 2011 Talking with Ila Jones Sometimes I have these moments of realization,
May 31, 2010 One of my greatest weaknesses, is not being able to prevent hurt to others...
Jan 20, 2010
The beauty of moving forward
As of late I've realized that staying in one place is not an option, in life you are either moving forward or you are falling back.
I used to make big goals, big plans, and I wasn't unrealistic about them as I knew they would take quite a bit of work but somewhere along the line
Nov 26, 2009 The other fun thing about today is our odd way of sticking somewhat absurd
My heart goes out to the victims and the families of the Fort Hood Shooting. What a tragedy
Oct 19, 2009
Religion, decisive, a uniter, a guidance, the heart of lives.
John Lenons song asks us to imagine there is no heaven,
Jul 23, 2009
There is an hour when all of your hopes and wishes meet, some powerful force which looks down on mortal will and decides that the time is right, now, for you to choose your destiny.
You have searched, often led by circumstance and fancy
Apr 8, 2009
Advertisements For Odd Stuff
In my family we have odd conversations around the dinner table on Sunday. We amuse ourselves by coming up with advertisements for radom stuff.
Here is but a few of the many wonderful things that have yet to be invented...
Better Butter
"If you like butter, you'll like butter better, you'll like Better Butter in a can!!"
Apr 6, 2009
Funny, funny, funny!!
Out in the jungles off of the Australian continent, on Elko Island, lives an aboriginal tribe of hunters. Very primitive peoples who's day to day life is much the same way as their ancestors, they use many of the same methods and tools in order to hunt and survive.
Australians gathered in droves to "Australia's Got Talent" to see the magnificent display of their tribal talent.
Perhaps they may dance an ancient tribal war dance? Who knows. With clay covered bodies they prepare to amaze...
Apr 5, 2009
The night had been long, it was as if someone had come along to snatch the sleep out of her brain. Laying there her thoughts naturally turn to things that she wanted to write about, her mind composing stories easily, revising, compiling on and on. She snatch up the pillow, disgruntled at it, plump it up and then laid head down again, still finding that her head is painfully devoid of sleep. Listening to the white noise of the box fan by the window, she opens her eyes to stare blankly at the ceiling. The air is so dry, her throat is parched but she refuses to get out of bed. She turns slightly
Apr 5, 2009 I Like Anne of Green Gables
I am a lot like Anne of Green Gables. The beautiful heroine of Lucy Maude Montgomery's books about a young orphan girl that was adopted by a spinster lady "Marilla" and her brother "Matthew."
Anne is very fanciful, very romantic. She is enraptured a lot by things and certain people. In fact people that she likes she calls "Kindred Spirits," she is very loyal and caring. Anne is very connected with nature, she loves trees, flowers, rivers...
Sometimes Anne gets carried away, she sometimes talks too much or say's things she shouldn't say and it is hard for people to understand her.
Anne is stuborn, Anne is passionate, she works very hard to learn and do things. Sometimes she is foolish but she always means well.
and so do I...
Here are links to my favorite parts, You-Tube won't let you embed some of them...
Anne reading "The Lady of Chalotte"
Anne meets Matthew - She tells him that she would have slept in the cherry tree if he hadn't of come (a very romantic notion) and then talks continuously until they get to Green Gables.
Anne breaks her slate over Gilbert Blithe's head. (Don't you just love her green hair, that's how I feel when I dye my hair. Yikes!!)
Anne Hanging from the bridge. (After playing "The Lady of Challote")
Reciting "The Highway Man" at the White Sands hotel. (About Mid-Way through it).
Megan Follows Audition - She has such charming expressions and way about her.
If Pain Were a Currency
I feel like pain does teach us that each drop of blood we shed is a
7/27/2014
When your personal space has been violated, when you have been physically assaulted in some way, it is not just the act in and of itself that is traumatizing.
-Facing the perpetrator
-Reporting the perpetrator to the police - repeating what has been done in the cold impersonal court house or police building.
-Being given mounds of paperwork, mounds of "helpful" pamplets, with a confusing array of "helpful" places to go.
-Getting shots for STD's because your attacker might have one.
-Finding out that
4/4/2014
How can I make this work for me? I cleared out a lot of the clutter in my room, I get overwhelmed by clutter. Irrational sometimes about it. I don't know what else I could add or take away from my diet/life in order to make that feeling go away. It's hard to focus sometimes.
Maybe I need to give up my habit of eating yogurt every day. I've given up milk before and sometimes I notice that my head gets cleared up and other times I don't even notice a difference.
12/15/2013
I have a tendency to not say, what I need to say. I guess it's me trying to protect myself from harm, but it ends up being hurtful.
Notes from the day: 12/3/13
The problem exists and the only way to get rid of the problem is to be away from the problem.
This must not occur, this must occur
She asked 'you are in love, what does love look like' to which I replied 'everything I've ever lost, come back to me.' ― Nayyirah Waheed
11/25/13
I joined up with "Toastmasters" several months ago with the laudable purpose of improving my speaking skills.
Unfortunately I hit a brick wall, ironically, with the first assignment. To speak about myself. I did end up giving a speech about myself, it was strained and dry... basic facts about my birthplace, size of family, where I went to school... about being married to a Tongan and divorced. About going to school for a bachelors degree, yet loving English and my longing to spend my time writing instead of with booking orders.
The speech I should have given.
For the most part I am not a shy person. Shyness is a coverall term for someone who is unable to express themselves to others. I used shyness as an easy explanation for my inability to speak while growing up.
11/24/13
Most of what I think stays up in my mind as an opinion, unshared. Which is probably for the best since I don't believe human beings could get very far if they blurted every thought out...
But the habit is not useful when I should speak and don't. I think part of the problem is that it is a felt thought. An emotion tied up with restraint. A lot of times I don't want to be responsible for the chain of events that will end something that needs to end, but that I will feel guilt and sadness over... and remorse.
This is my filtered blog. What I wont show to the world. A place where I can speak my mind without fear of judgement.
Relationships
Do I miss having them around? Do I feel like there's a gap in my day-to-day routine because of their absence? Am I relishing my alone time? Do I feel more like myself, like I can breathe again? "Depending on your answers to these questions, you'll know if 'taking a break' has been a stepping stone to a stronger, better relationship, or if it's the first step towards an impending breakup,"
For quite some time I have been grappling with two main issues which are getting the kids to clean and figure out what to make for dinner. I believe that my problems have stemmed from what is known as the "Executive Control" center in the brain. Which is located in the frontal lobe. I was in a state of perpetual planning but not able to follow through with my plans.
One of the most important things you can learn about yourself is how you learn. Do you learn better in groups or on your own? In the morning or the evening? By listening, writing, or teaching?ring out what to make for dinner.
Why is it that I have a dozen things to talk about, but cannot form the questions when I have a moment to bring them up with someone? It is a tragedy!
I had to leave Ajey as well, I wanted it to work but more and more I felt that it wouldn't.
5/18/13
My life is full of good days interspersed by the craziness that is living. I have so many things just sitting around my house that I'm hanging on to but don't really need.
Why is it that I have a dozen things to talk about, but cannot form the questions when I have a moment to bring them up with someone? It is a tragedy!
3/6/2013
So, we may or may not end up in Hawaii over spring break... depending upon how much the cost. We shall see, it's all up to Sam at the moment.
I woke up slightly earlier today, put together stuff for a pot roast, put it in the slow cooker. I'm going to leave work early and go to see the mummies at the Leonardo museum in SLC with John, that's going to be fun.
Jan 30, 2013
I worked from home today which was somewhat good and somewhat bad.
It's nice to chill on my couch and to at least SOMEWHAT be here while my kids are here. I say somewhat because for the most part I'm tied down with work.
The bad, burning my dinner because I'm wrapped up on a project. I'm VERY happy I stuck with it and got it done though...
Jan 14, 2013
I get jealous pretty easily, it's not cool really. Just seeing pictures of Ajey with friends or family... or today a picture of him smiling, happy, seemingly not a care in the world made me feel jealous, especially when some random girl commented and he was super friendly to her.
Dating is a strange concept to me. Meet up with someone, make sure you don't scare them away by telling them your life history haha ;), chat about random generalities... keep meeting up until you decide you want to have a relationship... hmmm I think that's how it works.
For me relationships tend to go from "Hi, you're cute" to "Let's get married" which is sort of unnerving.
Dec 26, 2012
I've been watching "Merlin." It is all about life, death, honor and friendship. That's what I like about it.
Unknown
What is important? It's important to me to figure out at the moment what I really want out of life. Am I expecting too much? Am I hoping for too much? It seems my life has been a process of letting go of old expectations.
What I want in a relationship. I want a mutually strong and balanced relationship. I am comfortable with myself as a woman, a beautifully secure woman. I value intelligence, spiritual, emotional, physical and intellectual intelligence. If the man I'm considering seems shallow, it's a deal breaker, it's a no go.
I am a storyteller, I love stories about myths, legends, personal stories. I love the intimacy of sharing stories.
Dreaming Oddly as of Late
My dreams seem to have common themes. Water, babies, my children, driving to escape the apocalyptic floods. Also trying to find a place to get dressed... awkward.
In a recent combination of events I was struggling to maintain a spot on top of a hill where I was trying to keep me and the kids safe from the oncoming floods.
What can I say in the middle of the day, in the middle of interrupted thoughts and no answers to questions I wish I knew to ask?
In a recent combination of events I was struggling to maintain a spot on top of a hill where I was trying to keep me and the kids safe from the oncoming floods.
What can I say in the middle of the day, in the middle of interrupted thoughts and no answers to questions I wish I knew to ask?
For instance:
While under the influence of "Sesame" (I think the cause) I had the feeling of being high. I felt like I could run very easily and in fact my lungs were open and I could take in a great quantity of air. I felt like my nerves were tingling. Every feeling was deepened, I felt great sorrow, great joy. My taste buds were super sensitive, I had some ice-cream and it was like heaven. I could feel life force emanating from my fingers, feet, into the ground. But I was sensitive to light (it gave me a great headache) and I had a hard time keeping track of time. Plus I was uninhibited, I just plopped down right in the middle of the floor wherever I was and would change my daughters diaper (in the middle of the Optometrists office).
Who am I without my beliefs? Who am I if I feel nothing?
Court of Miracles men who play at cards. Perth Western Australia. As he is, a man who speaks with high minded dignity, yet with an inelegant tongue, resembling the combination of French and slurred English.
Blogging is a somewhat odd method of sharing thoughts, communicating ideas, communing in general. For me the easiness with which I share my thoughts has seemed to vacillate between two extremes, saying a lot or saying very little. It is a world stage, anyone could be reading at any moment, thus for me being on stage in this way can be quite the deterrent.
Plus I have a difficulty with putting into words thoughts that are personal.
I've had an odd week, at times relieved because I've been focusing more on my kids, at times perturbed with myself...
May 13, 2011 Talking with Ila Jones Sometimes I have these moments of realization,
Mar 17, 2011 Silence, Sometimes I just feel like being silent. It is not as though there are no words to say, it's just that I've said them, and don't know what else to say.
Jun 27, 2010
Some things can't be rushed, though impatience often comes to bear sway.
Life gathers like the dews on the grass in the morning, condensing into droplets, a fine mist evaporating with the sun.
Yet we would like to speed things up, perhaps fill a spray bottle and spray the grass... make things happen.
Jun 27, 2010
Some things can't be rushed, though impatience often comes to bear sway.
Life gathers like the dews on the grass in the morning, condensing into droplets, a fine mist evaporating with the sun.
Yet we would like to speed things up, perhaps fill a spray bottle and spray the grass... make things happen.
May 31, 2010 One of my greatest weaknesses, is not being able to prevent hurt to others...
Jan 20, 2010
The beauty of moving forward
As of late I've realized that staying in one place is not an option, in life you are either moving forward or you are falling back.
I used to make big goals, big plans, and I wasn't unrealistic about them as I knew they would take quite a bit of work but somewhere along the line
Nov 26, 2009 The other fun thing about today is our odd way of sticking somewhat absurd
My heart goes out to the victims and the families of the Fort Hood Shooting. What a tragedy
Oct 19, 2009
Religion, decisive, a uniter, a guidance, the heart of lives.
John Lenons song asks us to imagine there is no heaven,
Jul 23, 2009
There is an hour when all of your hopes and wishes meet, some powerful force which looks down on mortal will and decides that the time is right, now, for you to choose your destiny.
You have searched, often led by circumstance and fancy
Apr 8, 2009
Advertisements For Odd Stuff
In my family we have odd conversations around the dinner table on Sunday. We amuse ourselves by coming up with advertisements for radom stuff.
Here is but a few of the many wonderful things that have yet to be invented...
Better Butter
"If you like butter, you'll like butter better, you'll like Better Butter in a can!!"
Apr 6, 2009
Funny, funny, funny!!
Out in the jungles off of the Australian continent, on Elko Island, lives an aboriginal tribe of hunters. Very primitive peoples who's day to day life is much the same way as their ancestors, they use many of the same methods and tools in order to hunt and survive.
Australians gathered in droves to "Australia's Got Talent" to see the magnificent display of their tribal talent.
Perhaps they may dance an ancient tribal war dance? Who knows. With clay covered bodies they prepare to amaze...
Apr 5, 2009
The night had been long, it was as if someone had come along to snatch the sleep out of her brain. Laying there her thoughts naturally turn to things that she wanted to write about, her mind composing stories easily, revising, compiling on and on. She snatch up the pillow, disgruntled at it, plump it up and then laid head down again, still finding that her head is painfully devoid of sleep. Listening to the white noise of the box fan by the window, she opens her eyes to stare blankly at the ceiling. The air is so dry, her throat is parched but she refuses to get out of bed. She turns slightly
Apr 5, 2009 I Like Anne of Green Gables
I am a lot like Anne of Green Gables. The beautiful heroine of Lucy Maude Montgomery's books about a young orphan girl that was adopted by a spinster lady "Marilla" and her brother "Matthew."
Anne is very fanciful, very romantic. She is enraptured a lot by things and certain people. In fact people that she likes she calls "Kindred Spirits," she is very loyal and caring. Anne is very connected with nature, she loves trees, flowers, rivers...
Sometimes Anne gets carried away, she sometimes talks too much or say's things she shouldn't say and it is hard for people to understand her.
Anne is stuborn, Anne is passionate, she works very hard to learn and do things. Sometimes she is foolish but she always means well.
and so do I...
Here are links to my favorite parts, You-Tube won't let you embed some of them...
Anne reading "The Lady of Chalotte"
Anne meets Matthew - She tells him that she would have slept in the cherry tree if he hadn't of come (a very romantic notion) and then talks continuously until they get to Green Gables.
Anne breaks her slate over Gilbert Blithe's head. (Don't you just love her green hair, that's how I feel when I dye my hair. Yikes!!)
Anne Hanging from the bridge. (After playing "The Lady of Challote")
Reciting "The Highway Man" at the White Sands hotel. (About Mid-Way through it).
Megan Follows Audition - She has such charming expressions and way about her.
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