Ramblings

To a certain degree we all struggle with the perception and reality of aloneness. It is a perception because often, though we feel alone, we are surrounded by people. It is a reality because unfortunately we live and breath and die with the constant companion of self and there is no other that can dwell there unless we open and let others in to whatever degree that is possible.

In fact that is the dilemma that we face when trying to open ourselves up to the influence of spirit. The inner voice is the strongest voice, and even then the inner voice can be silenced  by distractions, nonsense and idiocy. The challenge is to embrace the enlightening influence of the spirit, incorporating it into our awareness and balancing that with the immediacy of the corporal world in which we live.

I think my inner voice has been silenced in many way's at times by certain desires to fit in to the general mold, not surprisingly this general tendency leads me to silence as in the world of generality I really have no voice as I am generally and naturally separate and distinct from others, though I have the same underlying desires of being understood and loved for who I am.

Ironically I find not only silence but a retreating into a shell of defense when I allow myself to be categorized as a certain stereotypical person, which I suppose is unavoidable in some respects.

The irony really is that I betray myself in order to fit into the mold and then find that I am uncomfortable there.

So this blog then has been an effort to blend in, as unnecessary as that may be, and instead of writing lengthy discourses on my thoughts (as I tended to do in the beginning) I have limited it to a few pithy antidotes about my life and whatever amusing or enlightening bit of media that I came across... so much dis-ingenuity that I have often thought about closing this blog from the sheer burden of having to come up with more of the same to post.

Thus, I vow to ramble away if the need strikes me, for then truly this blog will be a reflection of myself.

SG

New Lunchboxes

This is a link for a lunchbox called The Goodbyn Lunchbox... 

I've been looking for a good lunchbox for the kids for a while now, this one looks perfect for compartmentalizing each different aspect of the kids lunch and making it more appealing. School lunches really are terrible! They are loaded with fat and sugar and even the "fruit" options that they give the kids are covered in syrup (sugar water or HFCS, who knows)

I am going to have to send R to daycare so I might as well send her with a healthy lunch this will be perfect!

The Hiding Place

When I was a freshman in high school I read this book "The Hiding Place" The triumphant true story of Corrie Ten Boom and then I copied the diagram of the Beje out of the book for a book report on it.

There are times when I think, I've got it hard, why me? But then I think of this woman, and her family who were the courageous rescuers of many Jews and others who were targeted by the Nazi's during WWII.

What sticks out to me, is the strong faith and Christian kindness of the Ten Boom family. I love both of the sisters, Corrie and Betsey, I love how they support and care for each other.

They were such honest and simple people who continually lived their religion. Even in the midst of the concentration camp that they were sent to after being captured by the Gestapo, they were able to help and inspire others.

These women lost everything, Corrie eventually lost her family and her beloved Betsie, yet she was a beacon of love and hope for many years after her rescue from the camp.

I always seem to gravitate to these types of stories, these types of people when I am going through a hard time myself.

At times I need courage, and I find it through others words, others faith, others strength. I am so grateful for what I have, even when times are tough.

Shalom means peace, can I have some?

Today has been crazy busy, but nice...

My cousineth Julene came over and watched Roxie for me so that I could run around and get errands done, thank you, thank you Julene! It was nice to talk to you and catch up a bit.

Angie is a narrator in an elementary school adaptation of the classic "A Christmas Carol" so I had to bring her up there at 5, then I came home to cook dinner but then ended up being late for the play (and thus missing it, OI) Lucky for me I have a second chance as they have another performance tomorrow.

I found out that I had somehow missed the fun "Night out with Santa" that we were invited to... why? Because I was up in AF applying for a job... we'll see if I get it... it made me sad that we missed the Santa thing though because the kids would have enjoyed getting a nice gift...

After picking up Angie from the play the kids and I went over to Blockbuster and rented a few movies... which we put to good use as soon as we got here. :)

I've been filling out job applications all night, yippee.... it is so much fun, you all should try that as a relaxing hobby, or maybe I need to treat it like it's a relaxing hobby... maybe it'll send out good happy vibes... hehe

Let's all link arms and sing now, Koombia me lord Koombia... (I've probably misspelled that btw... the suggestions from the speller though are "Kumquat," "Columbia," or "Kookaburra" so I think I'll stick with my version) Well I will wish you all peace then Shalom...

Grumble, Grrr... Yawn

Hello world out there, this is a quick update to say that nothing is going according to plan, everything planned has been rescheduled until further notice and that new plans are in the process of being made...

Er, yeah, that's it right?

Why is it that even simple plans like going up to see my brother in SLC get sidetracked from one night to the next morning... yeah, that's how things go sometimes. I spent the night with an onrey grouchy critter, namely my 3 year old with a fever, going from one room to the next to lay down and sleep (getting drinks of water in-between). From my room, to A's room (yes I was in a delusional stupor good thing I didn't wake A up when I lied down on her bottom bunk with R), back to my room, down to the living room where I found myself early this morning snuggled up against 3 pillows, R ensconced by my side, the cat on top (in a particularly warm spot on my chest), and S at my feet at the other end of the couch.... well trying to slip out of that didn't work, I woke R up from trying to escape. So I brought her upstairs and we went to sleep again in my bed.

Needless to say, I feel like a lawn mower ran me over... as much as I wanted to go up to SLC I just couldn't Argh!! I'm so tired, can someone take over my life for a bit so that I can take a nap?

Anyway, good wishes to ya'll out there in the big ol' wide world.

What does it feel like to be happy and carefree? Oh yeah, even kids complain about life... so I guess I'll just have to fake it till I make it... :)

How we do it

What is it that defines success in today's world? Status symbols, security

I could go for a bit of security just now

It seems that in today's world beauty and youth symbolize success, how fleeting

How incredibly ironic

It feels as if I am in a race, trying to churn out the talent that I need in order to land a job, anywhere

and I am here, with my daughter, age 3

She's the smartest little thing, constantly saying new things, things that make me realize how much she really knows.

My other kids, they work so hard, they are so sincere

But I fear

Fear that the world with its message of amusing stupidity will send them down a path that they will struggle to recover from.

Can they afford to lose these years in a cocoon of ignorance?

Yes I fear

I talk to them, I sincerely am trying to emphasis how much they need to know

but it is hard for them to grasp that isn't it?

I have to just sigh, and relax a bit, live life

and hope

That this world will be a little kinder to them then it has been to me

But then, my future stands to be good as well

I've learned the reasons, the modus operandi of life

Will it be enough? Well I hope so

On a more concrete level,

I'm trying to buy a little Honda Accord that our neighbors are selling, is it a fantastic car? Well at least the parts are cheap, at least I will have something to get me and the kids around, I won't be walking everywhere. It can be slightly dangerous in this winter weather to drive such a small vehicle but still, it's better than nothing.

Trying to pay off debt, luckily I will scrape by without too much damage to control in the debt department... a few thousand on a credit card (um, I didn't put it there) and a slight college loan (under a thousand). The only danger zone here is the Yukon which, well I didn't want this car in the first place because it's a gas hog, mainly though I don't get to drive it. I've had it this week due to certain circumstances, but I figure it isn't going to last, thus I'm fixing up the Accord.

Trying to get a job, hehe

Well I've started reading books to improve my employable skills, who knows what's going to help, I figure I need to go find some volunteer work and go from there, eventually the job market will improve, the question is when, and will I be ready for it?

I hope my friends that your holiday's are bright.

My kids helped me to put up our Christmas decorations, everything looks peaceful and beautiful in our living room.

Peace on earth?

It is found while the night grows long as you stare into the glimmering lights of the Christmas tree.

That is when I've felt peace.

Happy Holidays everyone, life does get better.

I think 2010 will be a good year, I know it will.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Yes, good title eh? I'm sure no one else has used it today ;)

Thanksgiving went well today, as well as can be expected given that my sis had a tummy ache, I had a slight headache, my mum was complaining about her back hurting... hmmm...

I think we should have abandoned the cooking, grabbed some fresh fruits and veggies and played board games whilst sitting around the coffee table in the living room... yeah, that wouldev' been great....

Anywho, we had dinner, most of us helped the exception would be my bro. DJBC... who is obsessed with being obsessed. I've serious doubts about his sanity... (someone call the White Coats from the funny farm)

My Ex. came to dinner, it was odd having him there. He sat by my dad, well they are buddies anyway.

We all stated what we are grateful for, feeling slightly awkward, I forgot quite a few things but what I said was sincere. My sister was sincere as well... my kids started goofing off but I told them to be serious and reminded them of all they had to be grateful for and then they came around. DJBC sounded completely sincere but as I doubt his sanity I can't take his word for anything. My brother Ev. was sincere, absolutely! My brother Jono was sincere... My ex said something or other, I'm not sure exactly what because no matter what he says I'm not sure how sincere or truthful he is, unfortunately... but that's how it is. My mom was sincere, and my dad was so sincere he was shaking... it was weird, he actually brought up my Grandpa and the sacrifices that he made for us and the country by his service in the military. Grandpa was wounded twice on his tour of duty, once on D-Day during the invasion, then he was sent to England (I believe) to recover and then he went back to serve again.

Unfortunantly I had to go check on the progress of the little girls, (my nieces 3&4 and my baby daughter who is 3) who have a history of wrecking things in the bathroom.... I heard noises from that direction but found that they were just arguing about who could go potty first... hehe... and I ended up bringing  baby daughter downstairs to use the potty. I wanted to hear dad but duty called.... ;)

After dinner we cleaned up and I was able to talk to my little sister, well we hid in her room and left the kids for a while... mom got ticked off at me but I had to grab the chance to talk when I could take it. I was glad to talk to K, she's got a really great head on her shoulders. Hmmm, no smartalec jokes about heads here please... ;)

Time to Bake GF...

Hmmm. I guess the title of this post could be interpreted at "Time to Bake, Girl Friend..." hehe

Well I wish that was the case, that I had a girlfriend around to bake pies with... I'm going to be making some Gluten Free Pumpkin pies (1 or 2)  my sis. in law is doing some GF baking today as well... I've also got to make some GF rolls and bread all for Thanksgiving tomorrow...

I'm just deciding if I want to use the basically void of fiber white "gluten free" flour to try and make rolls with (because it is a softer flour) or if I want to go with my basic "whole grain" GF flour which tastes basically like whole wheat bread (but hasn't a lick of wheat in it).

I use slices of bread to make GF stuffing which is really delicious!!

So that's the plan today, GF pumpkin pie and GF Bread wish me luck! :)

Well, It's a Monday

Hmmm... I've just not felt like writing anything lately

There are things going on in my life, some really terrific things, some not so great.

Geez, what to say about today... um... it's Monday.

Yeah

That's what it is

and I've been hanging out at the "Funny Farm," that was fun... they make nice baskets there I'm told, though I didn't see any evidence of it...

On a brighter note, my good friend is using my voice for a project, I'm waiting to hear how it goes... :)

I should go do something, I need to make dinner but I don't know what to make... I had a good plan last week, made dinner every night. I need to do that for this week but I haven't yet... I should hold Family Home Evening but my daughter has gone over to tutoring, she has a math test tomorrow... Perhaps I should make popcorn, pour butter and maple syrup on it and put my feet up whilst the kids go at it... Nah that wouldn't be a good thing, well maybe for after FHE.... eh... I can make dinner, pull out the creative energy (from somewhere) then hopefully I can borrow my friends car tomorrow and go shopping... YEP Sounds like a plan!!

:)

Kaleidoscope

How is it that things can be simultaneously better and worse?

So much identity is tied up to what once was that when what once was is broken it is like a kaleidoscope of ever changing possibilities

shifting shapes

future possibilities

Ah, here's hoping that things get better each and every day... :)