Sometimes I feel like I am on a quest. I have mentioned before that I have celiacs disease/gluten intolerance. Well it makes me spacy, gives me anxieties, depression basically makes me feel lost.
It is so frustrating to me, sometimes I still get that way and I am still trying to sort it out.
I know there is a difference because I can observe people with these forcefull, purposeful personalities. It is as though there is this other essence to them.
At times I too feel like a completely different person, like yesterday, completely felt in control of my essence. I felt that way this morning a bit and now I am losing it (pobably has something to do with staying up late, someone smack me!!) :D
I have a cousin, Tiffany, to me we are like parallel personalities, she is like the person that I want to be. I remember a family barbecue in my cousins back yard one year, I was very little about 6 or 7.
I remember everyone jumping on the trampoline, and I was familiarizing myself with my cousins. I formed these little friendly connections with most of them, but with Tiffany it was different.
Most of us were jumping on the trampoline, Tiffany was doing back flips and other tricks. I remember watching her and thinking "How does she do that? How does she have so much control over her body?
I thought, "I should be able to do that?" But when I got on the trampoline I could hardly bounce (with everyone there, they stole the bounces from me).
I was frustrated to say the least, and confused. It made me feel so inferior to her trampoline bouncyness.
Tiffany is different from the rest of us. It is not snobbiness, it is not meanness, she is just this force of personality.
I remember one time, I was sleeping over at their house while my parents were on a cruise. I was mystified by her bedroom tidy, purposefull, and her music was the same way, she just seemed to be in control of herself.
and I didn't feel that way, I felt dizzy, unsure of myself, anxious, and being in a different home made me nervous.
Right now, I completely respect and love Tiffany and we actually can relate to each other a bit more than in the past (mostly because I have more self possesion). She is still though a force unto herself (as it seems) a very talented person.
and I am still on this quest. To sort myself out, to become who I am meant to be, a quest for self possesion.
At times it becomes exhausting, trying to concentrate when things are swirling about me. A lot of stuff slides that shouldn't!!
I am still searching for ways to gain that self possesion. One of the things I need to do is a candida cleanse, and other cleanses as well.
Plus I need to spend more time reading, thinking and also relaxing with my cousins, and/or sister and mom. :D
I think if I focus on getting enough sleep then everything else will fall into place and become eaiser to sort out and handle as well.
So with that in mind, I wish you all a good night. :D
It is so frustrating to me, sometimes I still get that way and I am still trying to sort it out.
I know there is a difference because I can observe people with these forcefull, purposeful personalities. It is as though there is this other essence to them.
At times I too feel like a completely different person, like yesterday, completely felt in control of my essence. I felt that way this morning a bit and now I am losing it (pobably has something to do with staying up late, someone smack me!!) :D
I have a cousin, Tiffany, to me we are like parallel personalities, she is like the person that I want to be. I remember a family barbecue in my cousins back yard one year, I was very little about 6 or 7.
I remember everyone jumping on the trampoline, and I was familiarizing myself with my cousins. I formed these little friendly connections with most of them, but with Tiffany it was different.
Most of us were jumping on the trampoline, Tiffany was doing back flips and other tricks. I remember watching her and thinking "How does she do that? How does she have so much control over her body?
I thought, "I should be able to do that?" But when I got on the trampoline I could hardly bounce (with everyone there, they stole the bounces from me).
I was frustrated to say the least, and confused. It made me feel so inferior to her trampoline bouncyness.
Tiffany is different from the rest of us. It is not snobbiness, it is not meanness, she is just this force of personality.
I remember one time, I was sleeping over at their house while my parents were on a cruise. I was mystified by her bedroom tidy, purposefull, and her music was the same way, she just seemed to be in control of herself.
and I didn't feel that way, I felt dizzy, unsure of myself, anxious, and being in a different home made me nervous.
Right now, I completely respect and love Tiffany and we actually can relate to each other a bit more than in the past (mostly because I have more self possesion). She is still though a force unto herself (as it seems) a very talented person.
and I am still on this quest. To sort myself out, to become who I am meant to be, a quest for self possesion.
At times it becomes exhausting, trying to concentrate when things are swirling about me. A lot of stuff slides that shouldn't!!
I am still searching for ways to gain that self possesion. One of the things I need to do is a candida cleanse, and other cleanses as well.
Plus I need to spend more time reading, thinking and also relaxing with my cousins, and/or sister and mom. :D
I think if I focus on getting enough sleep then everything else will fall into place and become eaiser to sort out and handle as well.
So with that in mind, I wish you all a good night. :D
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