I step outside my door, zipping up my jacket against the chill of the new spring air. Tears sting my eyes and I clear them by gazing far, far out to the mountains. Steady and firm, they will always be there.
As I walk I notice the pine needles strewn on the ground, I duck under the low laying branches and dash around the trash cans blown over by the wind. I am angry!! Why do you make me angry?
Crossing the parking lot over the bridge the dashing of the water, dark in the river bed, it seems to echo my feelings. The long slow whistle of the train in the distance reminds me again of the passage of time, it has always seemed to me as the harbinger of some message, a call to decide, yet now as always the decisions are complicated.
How many times have I run down this trail? How often have I reflected on this? The leaves hold no answer as they dash along the ground, a reminder of the fall. The passage of time is evident all around me, the nests being built, the new spring buds on the branches.
Yet time and time again I am searching for the answer to the question "What should I do?" My eyes follow the cracks in the asphault, distracted by the disturbance, there are many cracks, and deep ruts.
How could I still be in this position? Still stay after all that has happened. Till' death do us part, but that's the simple answer to a complex question. A vow made from ignorant, naive, youthful lips.
Of course it's the kids, of course. Yet as I told you we were through you asked me why? All of the relevant answers, all of the reasons seemed foolish as you told me of your deep love for me. I realised that I loved you then.
I finger my ring, picked out and payed for by a foolish young girl, and still it symbolizes our life together. Complex intertwining, circular symbolism, crowned by beautiful jewels. Are there enough immature diamonds to account for the number of babies I've gained and lost from you.
It symbolizes the solitude that I feel, the weight of our vows, and it is not easy to imagine losing this ring. All this as my feet tread the familiar path, bringing to the surface the hidden valleys of my emotion.
I stumble a bit, where tree roots have pushed their way to the surface and recall a lecture about roots. Roots will stay superficial if given too much water, to get deep roots the tree must experience adversity.
The roots of our relationship are deep. As I walked towards a hesitant groom could I have imagined all that the hesitancy meant? The misunderstandings, the betrayals, the struggles. You have hurt me, you have failed me, I could blame you for so much.
I could blame you, I could banish you to the depths of ignomity for all of the stupid and mean things that you have done to me and our children. Yet I haven't and I have stayed.
Stayed, listening to the train whistle slow and steady during the rainy night.
Stayed, hoping that I am doing the right thing.
Stayed, as you worked through your own demons, elsewhere with your friends, I have stayed alone.
The steady gait of my run winds down, my muscles are tired, my emotions have run out.
As I pass under the steady branches of the pine tree, I look up to the mountains, steady and firm, they will always be there.
As I walk I notice the pine needles strewn on the ground, I duck under the low laying branches and dash around the trash cans blown over by the wind. I am angry!! Why do you make me angry?
Crossing the parking lot over the bridge the dashing of the water, dark in the river bed, it seems to echo my feelings. The long slow whistle of the train in the distance reminds me again of the passage of time, it has always seemed to me as the harbinger of some message, a call to decide, yet now as always the decisions are complicated.
How many times have I run down this trail? How often have I reflected on this? The leaves hold no answer as they dash along the ground, a reminder of the fall. The passage of time is evident all around me, the nests being built, the new spring buds on the branches.
Yet time and time again I am searching for the answer to the question "What should I do?" My eyes follow the cracks in the asphault, distracted by the disturbance, there are many cracks, and deep ruts.
How could I still be in this position? Still stay after all that has happened. Till' death do us part, but that's the simple answer to a complex question. A vow made from ignorant, naive, youthful lips.
Of course it's the kids, of course. Yet as I told you we were through you asked me why? All of the relevant answers, all of the reasons seemed foolish as you told me of your deep love for me. I realised that I loved you then.
I finger my ring, picked out and payed for by a foolish young girl, and still it symbolizes our life together. Complex intertwining, circular symbolism, crowned by beautiful jewels. Are there enough immature diamonds to account for the number of babies I've gained and lost from you.
It symbolizes the solitude that I feel, the weight of our vows, and it is not easy to imagine losing this ring. All this as my feet tread the familiar path, bringing to the surface the hidden valleys of my emotion.
I stumble a bit, where tree roots have pushed their way to the surface and recall a lecture about roots. Roots will stay superficial if given too much water, to get deep roots the tree must experience adversity.
The roots of our relationship are deep. As I walked towards a hesitant groom could I have imagined all that the hesitancy meant? The misunderstandings, the betrayals, the struggles. You have hurt me, you have failed me, I could blame you for so much.
I could blame you, I could banish you to the depths of ignomity for all of the stupid and mean things that you have done to me and our children. Yet I haven't and I have stayed.
Stayed, listening to the train whistle slow and steady during the rainy night.
Stayed, hoping that I am doing the right thing.
Stayed, as you worked through your own demons, elsewhere with your friends, I have stayed alone.
The steady gait of my run winds down, my muscles are tired, my emotions have run out.
As I pass under the steady branches of the pine tree, I look up to the mountains, steady and firm, they will always be there.
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