Why is it that the hearts keenest cry is a yearning for a greater power when all else has failed?
I have not wanted to work, to leave my two year old though I know people do it all the time. I believe that children need their mother, they need her even when they are in school they need her, especially the littlest ones.
I remember when I was in school, school was a struggle I had to leave my babies to be in class and to work on my homework. I remember my young son, how it hurt to leave him at a daycare to go to class. My heart broke and I would wake up with tears in my eyes that I had to do it.
But I did, I sacrificed a lot for school and in some ways it now seems a misguided effort since I don't really want to do accounting. I would be alright in an accounts receivable or payable department but I do get bored of the work and I would be dreaming of writing and being with my kids.
There too, I feel a bit bad that although I am with them I have not done very much with them this year. My time has not really been my own since I have had to focus on other things. I have a hard time relaxing when there is something on my mind, I push and push on it even when I am getting no where.
This morning, things have been hitting me more keenly... I know there is something for me to do, I can go to the church employment center and work on interviewing and career skills, I will. Yet I cannot help think that this is all so wrong, though I know in my heart that the Lord has been teaching me, it is still hard, very hard.
I also know that I am not the best professional out there, I am grateful for the things people do for me, yet I often don't know how to thank them or what to do.
I just need to try I guess, I hope you all don't think I am foolish for all of my weakness.
SG
I have not wanted to work, to leave my two year old though I know people do it all the time. I believe that children need their mother, they need her even when they are in school they need her, especially the littlest ones.
I remember when I was in school, school was a struggle I had to leave my babies to be in class and to work on my homework. I remember my young son, how it hurt to leave him at a daycare to go to class. My heart broke and I would wake up with tears in my eyes that I had to do it.
But I did, I sacrificed a lot for school and in some ways it now seems a misguided effort since I don't really want to do accounting. I would be alright in an accounts receivable or payable department but I do get bored of the work and I would be dreaming of writing and being with my kids.
There too, I feel a bit bad that although I am with them I have not done very much with them this year. My time has not really been my own since I have had to focus on other things. I have a hard time relaxing when there is something on my mind, I push and push on it even when I am getting no where.
This morning, things have been hitting me more keenly... I know there is something for me to do, I can go to the church employment center and work on interviewing and career skills, I will. Yet I cannot help think that this is all so wrong, though I know in my heart that the Lord has been teaching me, it is still hard, very hard.
I also know that I am not the best professional out there, I am grateful for the things people do for me, yet I often don't know how to thank them or what to do.
I just need to try I guess, I hope you all don't think I am foolish for all of my weakness.
SG
3 comments:
I have always thought that education is not about getting a job, but about seeing the world differently, about having a choice, about learing our limits. if there was an emergency you could always get an accounts receivable job and feed your children - if that situation doesn not exist then go for the dream - write - do it now.
Surely it's not foolish for a mother to want to be with her child? It's certainly not a weakness - I'll bet your family are very proud of you.
Not foolish, just normal.
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