In some ways everything is in suspense, the still air around me, deceptive in its transparency, its calm, where has it ragged before now?
Life is moving forward despite everything, despite answers to some of the questions that I have about who I am, what I want to focus on in my life. I once thought that I knew where I was going and what I should do every day until the culmination of my faithful and fruitful life. I thought I had all of the answers before, but things have changed.
In many ways I am putting off doing normal things, in some ways it is more difficult to get to the cleaning and the laundry when there is this endless sense of suspended time.
But isn't this also what I have always wanted, a suspension of time to do nothing but read and think and be? Yes I admit to having made the wish in times past. In some ways it has come true and I am trying to take the opportunity for what it is.
Yet I find that some of the normal felicitous feelings of living have altered as well, the urgency to finish some project or other is not there, in a way I am adrift in the sea with no breeze to set me sailing towards my goal. I am paddling as all get out, but it feels a little pointless.
Yet I know time, and I know life, that it will change and this opportunity is never going to present itself in quite the same way again. So I must seize it with all that I have as the chance to make up for those little skills that I feel that I have never learned well enough, since I have been going full throttle at life, trying to stay afloat, ever since I was 16 and married so young.
Perhaps one day, all of what I have been grappling with and dealing with will culminate into understanding. As a once often read piece of prose extorts; stop getting ready to live and live your life, stop waiting for tomorrows and seize the day (this is the gist of it anyway).
Life is moving forward despite everything, despite answers to some of the questions that I have about who I am, what I want to focus on in my life. I once thought that I knew where I was going and what I should do every day until the culmination of my faithful and fruitful life. I thought I had all of the answers before, but things have changed.
In many ways I am putting off doing normal things, in some ways it is more difficult to get to the cleaning and the laundry when there is this endless sense of suspended time.
But isn't this also what I have always wanted, a suspension of time to do nothing but read and think and be? Yes I admit to having made the wish in times past. In some ways it has come true and I am trying to take the opportunity for what it is.
Yet I find that some of the normal felicitous feelings of living have altered as well, the urgency to finish some project or other is not there, in a way I am adrift in the sea with no breeze to set me sailing towards my goal. I am paddling as all get out, but it feels a little pointless.
Yet I know time, and I know life, that it will change and this opportunity is never going to present itself in quite the same way again. So I must seize it with all that I have as the chance to make up for those little skills that I feel that I have never learned well enough, since I have been going full throttle at life, trying to stay afloat, ever since I was 16 and married so young.
Perhaps one day, all of what I have been grappling with and dealing with will culminate into understanding. As a once often read piece of prose extorts; stop getting ready to live and live your life, stop waiting for tomorrows and seize the day (this is the gist of it anyway).
9 comments:
I read this post and wondered what had given you so much time on your hands, so then I read the next few posts and now I think I understand.
I hope you are able to find a job soon that will suit your needs. BTW- Do you not post on your family blog any more? I kept checking, but I haven't seen anything new for a while.
Just checkin. :)
Again, lotsa luck on the job hunt!
Yeah Julene, it became difficult to try and keep up that blog because it was connected with another e-mail address. So I just decided to stick with this set of blogs all connected with one address. ;D Thanks for the comment, I love you girl! (Of course, as the possesor of my other body and all, I really ought to love you cuz'... uh, we are not crazy... seriously!)
Just the title of your blog entry was enough to blow me away this morning. Seizing the opportunity to live - girl we are both going through these moments that are just asking us to really question our worlds, our directions, our philosophies, and how we can make the most of the moment. Thank you!
Hmmm sounds like your having a 'I'm normal' moment like everyone else.
Don't panic about it, take it slowly.
I'm glad to have you as a partner in suspense grrl, though I wouldn't wish it on either of us if I had the choice.
Graham, you always get right to the heart of things don't you, you're right, "I'm Normal." Or abnormal, whatever viewpoint you want to go with. Either way I hope that normalness gets me somewhere... ;D
(or else I might just have to start acting abnormal, and then where would I be?)
I always suggest an abnormal moment occasionally. It's fun!
Of course the night or two in the cells is often less so.......ask Mike.
Seize the day? Absolutely.
Or the day will seize you and it won't have been your decision.
Beautifully written post, by the way.
Haha good one Graham!
Barry, thank you for visiting and the lovely comment. So true.
SG
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